(1/2)
I'm a 23 year old male and ever since I was about 14 years old I've had a terrible relationship with my mom. It all started when I was that age, she suddenly became extremely dominant and would yell at me all the time for no apparent reason. This, of course, I did not take lightly and became mad at her. With every time she would yell at me, I would get madder, but of course I didn't say anything and just contained everything. Being bullied in school may have contributed to it. The bullying would go as far as co-students punching me into the arms where the nerve lies and it hurts. Even though I would sometimes come home with bruises on my arms, my mom would say nothing. I felt like she didn't even care how I felt. And then, at some point, my filled up anger turned to hate. Of course, I never told that to anyone. I guess that's why I started becoming "passive-aggressive" towards her.

>>33238692 (OP)
(2/2)
But hen I reached the age of 15 or 16 I decided I no longer wanted to hate my mom. Then, out of a sudden, on a Saturday morning, she came home, gave me a mad look, and just pulled the plug from the computer I was using and walked into her room. I said "you know the computer may break if the power is plugged while it's working" and she just replied "may it break". Instances like this made it impossible for me to let go of the anger. At this point the relationship was so bad that my mom no longer wanted to wake me up in the morning and delegated the task to my father, because I would sometimes react "too aggressively" in the morning. Having learned that information only from my father, I only resented her more. However, once again, around the age of 17 or 18, I decided to let go of the hate and be nice to my parents. Once again, during summer vacation, when the whole family was in a cafe, she made a 30 minute rant about how much of a failure I am, after I had told evryone about my plans after school. Back at home, she and my father wanted to have another conversation with me, and when I started to speak, my mom interrupted me and said that I'm a total failure who will still be living at his parents at the age of 25 unemployed. I throwed a bunch of seeds I was eating to her face in response. This obviously made her very mad and she ended up leaving and went to her mom, the same day. About half a year later she separated from my dad and left, blaming her leaving not only on my dad but also on me, without elaborating on it. A year later my parents went back together.
Fast forward to yesterday my mom is living at her mom because I'm at home (I lost my job and appartment I had in another town), because I am at home, basically, is what she said, and that she's glad for the day I'm leaving again (wich is in 1,5 weeks as I've already found a new job). She says she can't stand my aggressive demeanor towards her and how much of a total failure I am.

>>33238692 (OP)
>(1/2)
I won't read multi-part sagas. Get to the point next time.

>>33239423
The point is in the title.

>>33238692 (OP)
>>33238707
Abusive mom is abusive. She's abusive and won't change unless she wants to and she clearly doesn't want to. Leave her alone. Talk to dad, but avoid her from now on. Also good on you for trying to move on. Once you get out don't look back.

>>33239969
my dad is a lazy useless piece of shit. So you're saying it's not my fault things are this bad?

Sorry to hear about that unhealthy dynamic. Just focus on getting a job and moving out so you're away from your parents, then cut contact with your family.

>>33239423
Seriously, what's the point of fucking posting this? You're the logposter of /adv/.

>>33239423
You are the most pathetic faggot on this website.

>>33240410
are you sure I should cut contact?

>>33240299
You can't control the actions of others. So no, abuse is not your fault.

>>33238692 (OP)
Long ah read that I didn't finish. Simply if you are an only child, remind her that one day you will throw her in a care home - and the more of a cunt she is now the worse the care home is going to be.

>>33238692 (OP)
I know this sounds weird but it seems to me like she's either mentally ill or projecting some past trauma or feelings of negative self-worth onto you.

you have two solutions to this problem

>get a job and get as far away as you can from her
>stay with her and hit her back and put her in her place

One of my aunts is a social worker and school counselor. Physically abusive parents tend to keep abusing their children unless someone fights them back.

>>33238707
i read the hole thing as i empathize with you. maybe you are neurodivergent, parents tend to dislike this sort of people. my mother treated me so badly i been having suicidal ideation since 4 or 5.

treated me so badly i don’t even know how i’m alive. she killed herself and honestly i feel a bit relieved that i no longer have to deal with her abuse, manipulation and bpd bullishly. good riddance.


just leave and don’t see her again, blood family is overrated

>>33238707
Two big things.
1) Go get some therapy if you haven't already been. While mom's abusive behavior is hers and hers alone, 100% chance the whole family dynamic is fucked. Mom is/was clearly the victim of comperable behavior and likely other forms of abuse. Likely has some sort of PTSD and maybe other issues too (BPD perhaps). Chances she does this shit without realizing it in the moment and subconsciously rationalizes it as a form of "cair" due to her warped perspective. That dad let things get to this point at all implies he's passive to the point of being neglectful to both you AND mom. Again, likely doesn't realize he's even doing it, but those dynamics wouldn't/couldn't form otherwise. Finally, you're feeding this loop too in ways you don't realize and never will w/o some guided assistance. It's call "proximity blindness," is part and parsal with unhealthy/abusive family dynamics, and is a bitch.

2) This is a food for though: You haven't forgiven mom or moved on at all. Odds are you're just botteling. When a person has that legitimate "ah-ha" moment to get over an abusive family relationship, that's it. There's no regret, nothing to ponder, no desire to talk about it anymore, or ask advice. It's just done. I've lived it with both parents, as have many others I know well.

Bad news is mom will likely never change and will continue to be a source of pain as long as you keep her in your life. Likely dad too.
Good news is non of that pain is required and you're both free and capable to avoid it so long as you put in the time/work.