>force myself into fitness for a year, losing 30kg and look good
>Spend a further year chasing natty developed upper body and running half marathons for leg gains
>Deprioritise this when I learn that just being shredded and handsome isn't everything, and I want other things from life than just to chisel marble
>Maintain my physical condition with just a couple of days lifting and 15k runs every 3 days or so

You're not meant to live in muh demons monk mode long term, you get in, fuck your shit up for a year and then get out before mental illness sets in.

Seriously, fuck what anyone else says, if you look at your body after years in the gym and aren't happy, you're either severely mentally ill, or you haven't been working.

As long as you are lean and you work on building the areas you want to, you should love how you look.