>>81745021
>Even if I manage to connect on a "very base level" it will still force me to play a "masquerade" as that connection will never truly be genuine to me.
it's the same for me. it was always so exhausting to talk to people in school and such growing up, because it felt like i was always putting on an act for them. i remember feeling so relieved every time a social interaction was over. and i remember wishing i knew people i could just be myself around every day, but that never happened.
>it feels like, as time passes, you start to realize you're slowly running out of things to cope with and anything else will feel "forced".
nowadays, the value i see in escapism is being able to share the passion with other people. like, watching a show together and discussing it, or going to otaku themed events together and stuff like that. i think escapism could be a fun way to bond with people that doesn't involve vices. the reason it feels worthless to me right now is because i have no one to share my passion for this stuff with
>I moslty meant by bus
i never really traveled on my own before and it makes me feel so scared and anxious... which i know is stupid and embarrassing to say at my age. it's so hard to break the ice and get past my fear. i just feel so alone and like i'm "faced" with the reality of how alone i am whenever i have to go anywhere in public by myself
>I belive you do have alot more you eish to share with anyone, and you shouldn't feel bad for feeling like you're deserving of that.
thank you for the kind words but i'm just very socially, emotionally and mentally stunted and i don't see a way out of this. i have the brain of a 12 year old. i still watch beyblade and play sonic games