I like watching porn of men, all of my sexual fantasies contain men and I own dildos but the thought of physically touching a real penis makes me genuinely gag sometimes. I feel so repulsed and I don't know why.

I was never raped or molested but I did get a ton of unsolicited dick pics as a child online so maybe that is the cause of my feelings. I don't know if that's valid enough for me to feel this way because 99% of women my age experienced the same thing and they have normal relationships/feelings with men.

I'm currently talking to a guy (not dating or together yet), but I can tell he has clear romantic interest towards me. But I'm scared to take the relationship further because he might want to have sex with me. I can't even think about his dick without being nervous and getting a physical flight or fight response.

Looking at them on a screen and owning a unrealistic silicone dick is fine, but when I think about seeing a real one and being forced to interact with it makes me want to crawl into a pit and set myself on fire out of disgust.

No offense to penis owners btw.