>wrestling today
Wowie zowie nepo baby with two first names in trunks and no gimmick besides generic heel just gingerly scoop slammed that influencer wearing a corporate mascot oufit! Oh the other nepo baby with two first names in trunks and no gimmick besides being generic face is going to be mad at that! Oh no I see 5 nepo babies with two first names crowding up at ring side that means nepo baby with two first names in trunks is going to - yes he jumped over the ropes onto the crowd! What an exciting spot, be sure to check out their podcasts after the show where they discuss how they came up with it and everything else about the behind the scenes aspects of the industry - brought to you by our sponsor, a military industrial conglomerate!

>wrestling then
HOLY FUCK SLASHER THE CLOWN JUST LIT THE PHANTOM'S COFFIN ON FIRE WITH THE PHANTOM INSIDE IT! THE PHANTOM IS ON FIRE! GOOD GOD HE'S HIS BROTHER I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID THAT TO HIS OWN FLESH AND BLOOD! AND LOOK AT SAM THE SOCIOPATH AT RING SIDE, HE'S SHOWING HIS ASS AND TELLING THE PHANTOM TO STICK IT UP HIS ASS! AND NOW HE'S THROWING HIS WIFE SYBIL DOWN THE STAIRS YOU SON OF A BITCH YOU CAN'T DO THAT SHE'S PREGNANT! WHO CARES IF FABULOUS DARK HENNIE IS THE REAL FATHER SHE STILL LOVES YOU SAM! And - oh my God I just got word Damien Frost just found out which hotel Rock Chill is hiding in, let's cut to camera feed of it - OMG DAMIEN HAS A GUN GET DOWN ROCK! *cut to black gun shot sound effects* Oh God no someone call the police! And while we wait for them don't forget to grab a snickers!