Sanctioned suicide mwahahah!

I can talk to women, but the moment sex enters my mind my anxiety kicks up so hard. If anything seems to be going in that direction, my stomach literally hurts. I dont like talking about it, i dont like admitting i even have an attraction to women and in general just feel very gross about it. I feel like i failed in my goal to rid myself of my attraction to women and like i am indulging in a drug i am addicted to. Even after talking with so many of them this feeling never seems to go away. I can never seem to see myself as someone deserving of a woman. I feel like i am someone who should die alone and that this is the best thing that could happen to the human gene pool. I feel like i have to change every single aspect of myself to fit a narrative on how a guy should act and how successful a guy should be to be able to be with a woman and not get cheated on or left, if i am even given that much consideration at all.

Basically, how do you increase your confidence and lower your anxiety with sex and romantic relationships?