Thread 33357244

I can talk to women, but the moment sex enters my mind my anxiety kicks up so hard. If anything seems to be going in that direction, my stomach literally hurts. I dont like talking about it, i dont like admitting i even have an attraction to women and in general just feel very gross about it. I feel like i failed in my goal to rid myself of my attraction to women and like i am indulging in a drug i am addicted to. Even after talking with so many of them this feeling never seems to go away. I can never seem to see myself as someone deserving of a woman. I feel like i am someone who should die alone and that this is the best thing that could happen to the human gene pool. I feel like i have to change every single aspect of myself to fit a narrative on how a guy should act and how successful a guy should be to be able to be with a woman and not get cheated on or left, if i am even given that much consideration at all.

Basically, how do you increase your confidence and lower your anxiety with sex and romantic relationships?

I struggle with this too despite having girlfriends and a healthy sex life for years at a time. Once a new woman is involved in my life it's like a reset button is pressed and I'm a wreck. I'll be monitoring this thread but I'm pretty sure the only answer is to go to therapy for anxiety.

>>33357244 (OP)
>Basically, how do you increase your confidence and lower your anxiety with sex and romantic relationships?
Alcohol.

>>33357276
I havent really had a good dating or sex life because of this. I usually sticked to prostitutes but every time i saw one i was a nervous wreck. Last one i saw i nearly threw up on the way there. I just feel like i should be totally celibate but i am depressed as hell and extremely self hating whenever i push myself in that direction

>>33357302
Alcohol makes me do gay shit tho

>>33357340
same anon you replied to. don't change your life to fit your struggles, that's why it depresses you. don't give up bud.

>>33357244 (OP)
Did you experience CSA as a child or any other kind of sexual trauma growing up? Being exposed to porn in a traumatic way does count. /Genuinely

>>33357532
>unrestricted internet access before parents knew what was online
>exposed to the most horrible shit available from 11 years old
great.

>>33357532
Yes, I did have a few experiences where me seeing sexual stuff resulted in pain and being yelled at. I was told if i slept with someone i would be tortured for eternity or i was an animal. I also did see very fucked up illegal porn in 4chans early days when i was still a kid. Ive watched sex just destroy people and still to this day think its evil even though i crave the intimacy it brings. I dont really want to sleep with a bunch of women, but i do want to sleep with one woman a bunch of times. Even that though, the pressure of performing, and the pressure of being good enough to keep her, keeps me away.

>>33357788
I'm pretty sure everyone was exposed to happy tree friends as a small child, looking back on it now is nauseating and just has this weird vibe to it, like visual poison or something

>>33357813
I also think because i am underweight, not rich, dont have a solid career, still need to do like a dozen other self improvement things that i dont deserve a woman. I feel like since we are in the most difficult time in human history to have a girl be yours only so i need to bring so much to the table to do that. I have high standards for myself, but most guys dont, and it doesnt matter for them, but in my life i feel like i have had to work my ass off, so so much harder to get what most guys get without having to work as hard. I have to excel to be mediocre. Thats what causes a lot of anxiety too, i havent reached the level i believe i deserve such great luxuries as another persons touch and body and emotional exclusivity. But i am depressed as hell without it.

>>33357836
I meant more like hardcore porn and gore

>>33357836
Gore didnt bother me, sex bothers me far more. Even as a kid i literally didnt care about gore. But people kissing, or being intimate just felt wrong. The idea of me doing it felt like an even bigger abomination. But violence and murder didnt. Its obviously a tragedy when someone dies but for some reason the idea of someone being born just feels eldritch to me. The idea of someone being that close to me, wanting me as bad as i want them, seems unimaginable and like i said, eldritch. I am 28 and have tried dating twice and got cheated on both times while also getting treated like shit the entire time. I cant imagine a woman caring about me by this point and i think its because i havent reached the level i want to reach. But my depression prevents me from reaching that level anyways. So i am stuck in a cycle.

Not sure how to get out of that cycle. I really push myself to improve but some days it just feels like i am so desynced from normal people whatever i think is the problem i probably cant see.

>>33357854
>have to excel to be mediocre
damn man know that feel.

>>33357874
Yeah, earlier this year i actually got laid off from my old job due to "poor performance" when all i did was stop busting ass and worked like the other people. It just shows for some people if you dont work hard you get worked hard.

>>33357244 (OP)
I have a similar problem. I'm a 24 KHHV and I just feel so bad being excluded from anything social or sexual related. At the very least I had male friends in high school, though I haven't managed to get any friends since then.
All my life I never got any attention from women or got to do anything as part of a group. I never got to go on dates, parties, or do anything really. And it's not even that I really think I would even enjoy those things, it's the fact that I was excluded and deemed not good enough for them in the first place. It's ridiculous judgemental and I can't help but feel like shit for things that are out of my control

>>33357898
>feel like shit for things that are out of my control
Because majority of them are. You might be the best version of yourself and never attract any women because you're not their type or just be the way you are know and meet a girl whom you like purely by being at the right place at the right time. Friend circles, hobbies and general exposure might increase the chances but even then its pure luck.
t. 33 khv

>>33358070
Thats the thing that drives me nuts about this. Its out of my control entirely, but i am in pain without it. Its been like this for nearly a decade or more. Its taken so much out of my life. And then i am forced to basically deny a part of myself because of something i cant control. And i cant even figure out why. Like it would be different if it was all chads and 20% genetics or whatever but see guys, over and over again with girls who are way hotter than them. I see guys with stains on their shirts and asymmetrical faces and manchild attitudes with women. I have been rejected by women who have gone out to date deadbeats who play video games all day and smoke pot/drink. They have dead end careers. According to women, i am so bad, so so bad, i have to force myself to be an asexual aromantic but these guys are apparently so good, these women will raise their kids FOR THEM.

It has to be something with their hormones. There has to be some sort of fuckery going on. The standards arent this high except for me, i literally cant understand it. Any con i have ive seen another guy have three kids and a wife with. I get out too, and im just seen as not even human. Its why i think self improvement to the point where i am a different person is necessary but ive tried so many times. It just doesnt work out. It has to be something soul wise, i just dont get it. Why am i not good enough?

I also worry i might be too clingy or too dependent if i did find a woman, i have been alone for over ten years and that if im being nice and counting that two week relationship when i was 17 as an actual date. I have a LOT of time that needs to be caught up. An emotional void left from years of being seen as inhuman. How do i even act like a normal person after all of this?

>>33358637
you probably wont become a normal person

>>33357244 (OP)
Too much Jewish propaganda.

>>33357244 (OP)
Should probably see a shrink, honestly.

>>33360007
Why not?

>>33360386
Crumple a piece of paper, now uncrumple it. Is it the same as it once was before the damage? Years of living like that is like being crumpled over and over and over again. It's never coming back to what it once was or what it could have been

>>33360074
Or Christian. Jews would tell you to fuck everyone and everything because it all means nothing.

But another thing I am nervous about too is coming off too intense and too pushy. I've been alone basically my entire life. I've only known loneliness. I have fantasized about cuddling and dating since I was at least 8 or 9 which means it's been over twenty years of unfulfilled fantasies and longing. I feel like I would accidently force her away because it would be everything to me.

Only advice I've seen to help with this is to avoid making women a scarcity but it's something I can't control. I am desynced so badly from them I can't even imagine what they like. I just know it's never ever me.

I used to cope with escorts but it just left me so empty. I have intense feelings that I want to share but I can't. I basically have to deal with it

>>33361871
Whats the solution then?

>>33361944
Im not sure there is really a solution. Once you become damaged its impossible to become undamaged.

>>33357244 (OP)
>Basically, how do you increase your confidence and lower your anxiety with sex and romantic relationships?
Date a girl you have almost no attraction to. be it physical or emotional.

Obviously show her a good time and just like pretend you're hanging out with a friend, and like kiss and hug her almost as if she were a friend.

Whenever sex or anything sexual will show up you'd be like "....sex? hhmm sure why not"

>>33364248
Ive been rejected by girls i am settling for, i literally cant get a date for whatever number of reasons. For some reason im not even considered by women. And in my opinion its better to get rejected by a hot girl you are attracted to than an ugly girl. Plus it prevents gassing up uggos who need a reality check and is probably part of the reason why there is so many gassed out 4s running around thinking they are 10s.

>>33364248
>getting practice gf

>>33357244 (OP)
>Basically, how do you increase your confidence and lower your anxiety with sex and romantic relationships?
Sensate Focus.

>>33365569
Practice gfs are the stupidest fucking idea. I mean the only difference mentally between a 2 and an 8 is the face. Both think they are goddesses so why not go for the hot one

>>33357244 (OP)
>my goal to rid myself of my attraction to women
you are mentally ill
seek therapy

>>33367018
But if it's caused only pain in my life why wouldn't I try to get rid of it? If I am not allowed to be with anyone because I am apparently so bad compared to other guys what else am I supposed to do?

>>33366886
Who says that OP has a chance with 8/10?

>>33357244 (OP)
>is that... a vagina?
>AAAHHHH IM GOING INSAAAANE
Get over yourself retard

>>33367711
No but the ego hit is less bad because if she's hot it's like yeah no shit you got rejected. If she's ugly it makes you think their is something seriously wrong with you. Like on a genetic level something is seriously wrong. And hey, maybe the hot chick is mentally ill enough or her confidence is shattered hard enough she might give op a chance

>>33367759
Not even going insane. I just feel gross and nervous whenever I think about being with a woman. Like it's an abomination, like I'm not allowed to do that in a

>>33368306
rip OP. you shouldnt have stared at vagina

>>33368337
Pussy took a pussy out. Pussy on pussy violence

>>33357244 (OP)
why does sex enter your mind so easily? i've never thought of sex while in an ordinary conversation with a any male my whole life. men should be castrated lmao.

>>33357244 (OP)
I struggled with this, too.
You got this!

The only therapy for anxiety is this: Anxiety is anger expressed inwards; Anger is anxiety expressed outwards.

Fact: "anger needs oxygen"

Women have that aura (ie. Lesbian) around them. I don't mean this is in a chauvenist way! It is simply reality.

Know that men now have that aura, too. Know the word! It is hidden in the rainbow where you will meet your new imaginary friends who will guide you through your darkest hour!

>>33369112
It usually doesn't. Its just if it becomes flirty and feels like it might go towards that direction I'm self sabotaging

>>33369268
huh?