I had a best friend in highschool who had the same sense of humor as me, even better. He would have loved this back in the day. Everything changed his senior year when his parents told him to take SSRIs. He lost all semblance of his personality and his nuanced sense of humor. Nothing even a little edgy is funny to him anymore. He has a wife and makes YouTube videos about Nintendo lore now. Sometimes I wonder if I've really gone down the wrong path to end up here, not necessarily because I envy his circumstances, but I just want to feel as like as good of a person that I perceived him to be.

I haven't had a job since the first season of Fishtank. I've had the same girlfriend, who covers most expenses. She brings me a bagel sandwich everyday. We do ketamine and explore options of local girls for threesomes. My hard drives are filled with over-modded Bethesda games that I won't even spend a fraction of the time playing. I buy guns with tax-returns and jack off every morning before bong & beer. I've never spent money in fishtank, porn or any game micro transactions.

I'm a sinner and despite my best efforts, it's likely I'll sin again. But that's between me and the big man upstairs and come my day of judgement - I won't be surprised or shocked. I will be relieved.