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7/26/2025, 10:01:45 PM
>be me
>stuck using company-issued 2019 Intel MacBook Pro
>every morning same ritual
>open lid
>MacBook wakes up, immediately sounds like it's prepping for liftoff
>launch Teams
>fans hit mac 5
>open Terminal
>run ./gradlew build
>MacBook starts crying
>CPU hits 125°C
>keyboard gets hot enough to cook an egg
>build takes 48 minutes
>out of memory build failed
>manager pings me
>"Can we hop on a quick call?"
>have to scream on top of my lungs to drown out the fan noise
>open Jira
>watch RAM usage climb like Everest
>macOS starts paging to disk
>disk is full
>clean up with sudo rm -rf like a champ
>accidentally delete ~/Documents
>Teams meeting starts
>camera freezes on my confused face, I look like I'm having a sad orgasm
>audio cuts out
>finally get Gradle to build without catching fire
>pull request time
>browser tabs lag so hard I overshoot the "Create PR" button 4 times
>touchpad doesn’t respond for 20 seconds
>Jira auto-link doesn’t work
>copy paste ticket number manually like a caveman
>end of day
>battery at 12%
>was plugged in the whole time
>suddenly, explosion
>war never changes
>stuck using company-issued 2019 Intel MacBook Pro
>every morning same ritual
>open lid
>MacBook wakes up, immediately sounds like it's prepping for liftoff
>launch Teams
>fans hit mac 5
>open Terminal
>run ./gradlew build
>MacBook starts crying
>CPU hits 125°C
>keyboard gets hot enough to cook an egg
>build takes 48 minutes
>out of memory build failed
>manager pings me
>"Can we hop on a quick call?"
>have to scream on top of my lungs to drown out the fan noise
>open Jira
>watch RAM usage climb like Everest
>macOS starts paging to disk
>disk is full
>clean up with sudo rm -rf like a champ
>accidentally delete ~/Documents
>Teams meeting starts
>camera freezes on my confused face, I look like I'm having a sad orgasm
>audio cuts out
>finally get Gradle to build without catching fire
>pull request time
>browser tabs lag so hard I overshoot the "Create PR" button 4 times
>touchpad doesn’t respond for 20 seconds
>Jira auto-link doesn’t work
>copy paste ticket number manually like a caveman
>end of day
>battery at 12%
>was plugged in the whole time
>suddenly, explosion
>war never changes
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