I can't take this anymore. My dad's family came from different countries, to visit our house for the first time. But I can't communicate in their language well, I can't relate to them. Every interaction feels patronizing. I can feel them judging and feeling sorry for me because I'm a retarded neet. But I have to be a good host and good nephew, and make sure they have a good impression of me somehow. I don't have the competence to do so. There are too many people in this fucking house, and I hate this culture of "respect" that I feel like I need to maintain, on top of my parents being embarrassing loons themselves.

I can't help but hate family, tradition, culture, they're nothing but burdens, just leave me the fuck alone, aaaaaaaa. But even then, just thinking this makes me feel selfish and like a bad person. I'm so fucking miserable I feel like I could die from this.