>>40027548
>I've not figured out how to turn it off yet.
Thats the difficult part, yeah, and I cant say Ive quite mastered it myself. The best Ive got is trying to ask yourself every now and then what you’d do or say to a friend if they were treating themselves as you are treating yourself. That, and maybe thinking of discomfort as a biological expression of need rather than a purely emotional response.
>sometimes I just mentally flip and it's normally not a conscious choice.
>I think I just worry about scaring people off
Without trying to armchair diagnose you, that sounds like a survival response stemming from learned behaviour, which I guess makes sense given the description of your childhood. Bullying can do far more long term damage than we’re commonly lead to believe, even lighter instances of it.
I know it’s hard not to fear these things, but if it’s of any help to hear it from a stranger I think most people are relatively forgiving if they’ve been properly prepared beforehand, and properly briefed afterwards.
Theres always going to be a few dickheads though, of course, but on average I’d say it works :)