I'm a 45-year-old neuroscientist and I've made a breakthrough so significant that it will most likely grant me Elon Musk tier fame and fortune. But there's a problem: if I ever come out in public, you guys will cancel the shit out of me.

When I was 19, I was an edgelord who said questionable things online. In my defense, it was a very different time and hindsight shaming is kinda flawed. By today's standards, I would definitely be labeled a pedo, a racist, a misogynist, a transphobe and all that stuff. And yeah, a motivated person can definitely dig that shit back up. I can already see the headlines and Twitter posts so clearly it's insane.

This is a very interesting conundrum when you think about it. There are so many celebs who fuck up and get cancelled, but in my case it would be the other way around: I was initially a nobody who had fucked up, but later rose to a significant position in society. What bothers me about my future cancellation is that they won't see the order of events. Revealing my past isn't exactly some new information or a new scandal but they'll try to play it out like that.

TL;DR: Humanity itself will decide whether I will be a Nobel prize winner or a shunned pedo. This is no longer even in my hands. This is in Twitter's hands.