>>5883179
Used to be better I'm kinda confused and lost, a lot of substance abuse as of now and a relationship with a girl I really like but it just isn't meant to go anywhere. A lot of fucked up shit happening and trying to swim back up, dropped out of college and started working so I can have my own peace. I don't know what to do or think anymore, I can't open up to anyone because I'm too afraid of letting those people down so I keep bottling down my emotions and suppressing them with cigarettes alcohol and drugs, but once those wear off that's left of me is an empty shell of a man that once had ambitions and was headed in the right direction. Stopped working out my body looks like shit now I want to go back to the gym yet I can't force myself because it's gotten too boring, looking to get into martial arts again however the place I used to go to got closed and now all I'm left with are overpriced gyms filled with idiots. Sports season is over my club got absolutely obliterated in the basketball, felt like shit and it's all because of the political situation. Want to go to the stadium but it's not the same anymore a lot of people are boycotting the club so rarely anyone goes and the general atmosphere is shit. At least the trophy celebration was nice I enjoyed it quite a bit so there's that. I don't think I have any strength nor energy left in me so I came here to vent. I'll be glad if anyone reads this, so yeah life hasn't been so great lately but I keep pushing I feel like I have to because if I don't I'll be left with nothing, my self hatred is my only driving force and I don't know how much longer I can go like this. I never deserved this, yet here I am. I hope that you anons are having a great week tho.