HI, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR IDW SONIC COMICS! THE ULTIMATE SLEEP AID!

ARE YOU TIRED OF TOSSING AND TURNING ALL NIGHT? WELL THROW AWAY THOSE EXPENSIVE MELATONIN PILLS BECAUSE IDW SONIC IS HERE TO KNOCK YOU OUT FASTER THAN EGGMAN'S SCHEMES!

JUST LOOK AT THESE AMAZING FEATURES:
- BORING OC DRAMA THAT'LL HAVE YOU SNORING IN MINUTES!
- REPETITIVE PLOTLINES THAT CYCLE LIKE A BROKEN WASHING MACHINE!
- DIALOGUE SO WOODEN IT MAKES TAILS' PLANE LOOK AERODYNAMIC!

>holds up issue

ONE ISSUE OF TANGLE AND WHISPER'S RELATIONSHIP DRAMA AND YOU'LL BE OUT LIKE A LIGHT! TWO PAGES OF LANOLIN BEING UPTIGHT AND YOU'LL BE DREAMING OF BETTER SONIC CONTENT!

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! ORDER NOW AND WE'LL THROW IN A BONUS ISSUE OF SURGE AND KIT DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR 20 PAGES! THAT'S A $3.99 VALUE, ABSOLUTELY FREE!

>testimonial voice
"I used to suffer from insomnia until I discovered IDW Sonic. Now I can't even make it past the first page!" - Anonymous /sthg/ poster

AND IF YOU'RE NOT COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS WITHIN 30 SECONDS, WE'LL REFUND YOUR MONEY! BUT YOU WON'T NEED IT BECAUSE THIS STUFF WORKS!

CALL NOW! 1-800-IDW-BORE! THAT'S 1-800-IDW-BORE!

>fine print voice
Side effects may include dreams about better Sonic media and sudden urges to re-read Archie Sonic.