Going through the self-inititation process in Lyam Thomas Christopher's book. Currently at Zelator grade but today I've been in almost constant ecstasy of just seeing how everything "raises" and "dyis", be it people's complexes reincarnating when they complain for example or just anything happening around.

I call it extremely bliss and beauty. Also ego seems to disappear and rebuild all the time, sometimes seeing that there is just awareness looking at things and no free will for example. While reading a book I had an experience where I felt like I was torn apart in a light but resisted it. The physical world is just shells that are burning and dying constantly and most people confuse the Yetzirah and Assiah without seperating the cross from the subtle. Material world = Qlippoth?

Maybe I'm just delusional or just getting glimpses of what reality really is but at least I am now "initiated" which ultimately means nothing. Feeling extremely bliss and beauty at times and have a plan for future.