i'm the edge of a huge crash out.
like i can see whats coming and if i cant pull out of it i know i'm about to slip furhter than i have since pre-transition.
part of me wants to see what happens mostly because i don't know how to stop it anyways.
maybe i should lean into it and really burn myself to the ground just to see what survives...
it would be so much easier than trying to get better.