>>81714941
get over it. thoughts like that are useless and poison your mind. use the little time you have to do things that make you happy, period.

I forced myself to have sex with a man last night. Not a trap or a femboy or anything. Just a regular, grown-ass man.
I had to close my eyes and try to shut him out to the best of my abilities. His awkwardly bulky proportions, his arm and leg hair, his deep grunts, his rough skin and wide shoulders, all these things made it incredibly difficult to achieve and maintain an erection but after a great deal of concentration I was able to cum in him.
The wave that washed over me after I finished was unbelievable. I pulled out, stood up, took one look at him and immediately felt dizzy. I went to the bathroom to quietly dry heave into his toilet but managed to refrain from actually vomiting.
He wanted me to stay the night and talk with him some more but I left briskly, rambling about having to get home to feed a dog I didn't actually have.

Last night was the lowest point of my life by far. I let loneliness get the better of me and deluded myself into believing that it's better to fuck someone you are not even attracted to at all than to continue withering away in isolation, and now I know from hard experience how ridiculous that line of thinking actually is. But being alone is still miserable and my luck with women is so bad it's pushed me here anyway.

I want to die.