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6/24/2025, 2:45:08 AM
>>95940125
"Everyone, I'm proud to announce the latest greatest product of the US industrial-military complex (no proven warcrimes in 54 days)" I announced several weeks later, triumphanly holding up a Blob-colored pill. "This is Project Salmacis. A revolutionary cure-all for everything from aging to pimply skin to intrusive thoughts. It's what NMN's marketing team WISHES it was, and represents humanity's best efforts into applying The Blob's genetic potential to" I said, dramatically pushing up my monocle to catch the light in a way that made it perfectly opaque "improve humanity. Fuck clinical trials, we're American, we're doing this live"
"Anon! Anon, I have some last minute compounds" said Elodie, bustling through the reporter feeding frenzy, "to add to your pill! It'll be great, I promise!"
"Really? Oh, go ahead then. The door to the manufacturing plant's just down the hall to the left, three doors down from the prototype organic space probe, and right next to the totally innocuous tube full of symbiotic funghi" I said casually.
The next day, to my disappointment humanity was NOT integrating into a hivemind for optimisation purposes. "Elodie, I'm starting to think you've thwarted me" I said gravely as my latest collaborator and I worked on the backup plan: Blob sex.
"What? No, what makes you think that Anon?" asked Elodie innocuously.
"The ENZYMES, Elodie. Where are the ENZYMES for human-blob hybridisation? We have no ENZYMES, Elodie. Just, just standard junk DNA cleaning and biological optimisation"
Elodie stared out the window where people were flying to work on trails of self-propelled radiation or shapeshifting gas sacks to jump tall buildings in a single bound. "...don't you think the compound is a success as is?"
2/3
"Everyone, I'm proud to announce the latest greatest product of the US industrial-military complex (no proven warcrimes in 54 days)" I announced several weeks later, triumphanly holding up a Blob-colored pill. "This is Project Salmacis. A revolutionary cure-all for everything from aging to pimply skin to intrusive thoughts. It's what NMN's marketing team WISHES it was, and represents humanity's best efforts into applying The Blob's genetic potential to" I said, dramatically pushing up my monocle to catch the light in a way that made it perfectly opaque "improve humanity. Fuck clinical trials, we're American, we're doing this live"
"Anon! Anon, I have some last minute compounds" said Elodie, bustling through the reporter feeding frenzy, "to add to your pill! It'll be great, I promise!"
"Really? Oh, go ahead then. The door to the manufacturing plant's just down the hall to the left, three doors down from the prototype organic space probe, and right next to the totally innocuous tube full of symbiotic funghi" I said casually.
The next day, to my disappointment humanity was NOT integrating into a hivemind for optimisation purposes. "Elodie, I'm starting to think you've thwarted me" I said gravely as my latest collaborator and I worked on the backup plan: Blob sex.
"What? No, what makes you think that Anon?" asked Elodie innocuously.
"The ENZYMES, Elodie. Where are the ENZYMES for human-blob hybridisation? We have no ENZYMES, Elodie. Just, just standard junk DNA cleaning and biological optimisation"
Elodie stared out the window where people were flying to work on trails of self-propelled radiation or shapeshifting gas sacks to jump tall buildings in a single bound. "...don't you think the compound is a success as is?"
2/3
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