All my life I have drawn, not because I had a passion for it, but because I was good at it.

It was the only thing I was talented in, the only thing I got any sort of attention for, so now I'm just known as the art guy, the "artist", and that kind of just made me put all my self-worth in how good I draw

"If I'm not better than this artist who's X years younger than me then i dont deserve to call myself an artist, I should kill myself" is something I tell myself all the time despite knowing that the reason why I suck or fall behind is because of my lack of enjoyment in it.

I don't draw because I find it fulfilling or fun, I do it entirely for the end product and end product only. If I draw something that isn't pretty to look at or shows my skills then what's the point?

It makes me hate social media because all I see are these people who enjoy this medium, people who actually have a passion and are creative and consistent in wanting to improve. I'm just reminded of my shallowness, my lack of skill. I just get filled with this jealous rage, "why can't I be like them?", "Why are they better than me?".