>>24555788
>see map and instantly remember you
Oh, you're the "too many Reaches" guy. I'm glad you've cut back on it.

>>24564537
Taking your first bit of dialogue.
>“Not that I’m complaining, but I don’t understand why they asked us,”...“There are five realms between Fendal and the Southrange. Why isn’t Barym or Sun’s Shadow taking this one?”
Instead you could say
>I'm not one to complain, but I don't see why they called for us. [...] There are five realms between us* and Fendal. Is this not the duty of our allies in Barym? Or even Sun's Shadow?
>*then in Halfbones' reply, you can mention the name of where they're from when you talk about why they were summoned instead.
I may be inconsistent with your setting, but fill in the gaps. Do you see how restructuring the modern phrases can make them sound more "old timey" for fantasy?
Also it's not everything, but understanding the use of germanic vs latinate words could help.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGtVPRnFi_s