Good morning sir. Here to check the digital hygiene of your devices in light of the recent activation of the Online Safety Act.

Before we continue: You are aware that it is now illegal to possess any images, text or videos and any media containing dicks, cocks, wangs, trouser snakes, gonads, marbles or tadgers, pussies, twats, fannies, minges, tuppences or whisker biscuits, boobies, tits, tiddies, jugs, melons baps or bazongas, chuffs, arseholes, backdoors, puckers or rusty sheriffs badges on any device without correct form of age identification can have you sentenced for up to five years or issued an immediate unlimited fine.

It's all in keeping the little lids safe, you see. Not right what an Apulet or a Tadpu could encounter on the net.
Now, if you'd like to present your devices for inspection.