>>40474472
100% this.
To me it all started when I had a random dream where nothing was out of the ordinary, besides me being a woman. That was the first time I felt alive ever since I was a child.
This didn't make me think about being trans though. I just thought of it as odd, but I tried my best to revel in that sensation for as long as I could.
Only about ~2 months later something clicked in my mind, and the conscious thought of "I am trans" emerged. Back then, this "revelation" filled me with boundless hope, which only slowly eroded away with each passing day.
Now I am at the point of believing that I was just a genuinely deluded cis man, and being perpetually filled with existential dread because of it. Even simply going outside is a whole endeavor, since seeing women just reminds me again of what I never was and never will be.

>>40474485
It does sound like it, but I am skeptical of this being the root of my desire. I don't actually really want to change who I am as a person that much. All I want is to feel like I am actually living life and not simply passively existing.
I don't even really want to be particularly soft. Estrogen robbing one's strength is genuinely one of the only downsides to me, but at least you can still maintain parts of it by working out.
Me wanting to remain strong is just another proof that I am just a cis man though, which just triggers my inane pseudo dysphoria