ty for helping siganon. my posts are probably going to end. im going to just see a therapist and im already feeling bad about it in some ways but so much of my life has been a lot of plans, and not a lot of doing, and I stop before trying because im too anxious and I just need to just right in even if i am uncomfortable. i can't say i wont eventually just kms, and unfortunately i cant talk to a therapist about that because they will put me in a ward, but i am trying to really live. my whole life i have never really liked living. i only ever wanted friends and that was the one thing i felt like i could never really have. i wonder if i am just a person that will always feel this way no matter what things actually do change in my life. that i will never really have close friends. I do have one friend but we just aren't as close as I would like and it's pretty obvious we never really will be. it feels like we were getting a little close for a little bit, but now not really anymore and feels like the entire friendship is drifting away. everyone else feels like a complete stranger. but now im rambling. but anyway thanks