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Anonymous /lgbt/40159907#40160371
6/24/2025, 4:42:42 PM
>>40159907
I came on /tttt/ years ago, desperate for any human connection, and now Idk what the point is for me to socialize. I first started using this board as a minor and it feels like I’ve made no progress as a human being, instead getting piped full of antidepressants, ruining all my interpersonal relationships from feeling absolutely nothing, and only recently getting my footing back and stopping my repression.
I’m so superficial as a person because my personality is only imitative and nothing original is left, cause I wanted to be liked by people I liked, the only things keeping me going are to evolve into who I want to become. I crave communication and connection and spending time with people but have nothing meaningful to share, nothing to make it worth anyone’s time.
I don’t know if I’m capable of love anymore, and yet I still can’t stop yearning for it and for people who left.
My online contacts are saturated and overflowing with people, and yet I couldn’t tell you anything about half of who I communicate with even if we’ve shared random talks for years, but I’m also afraid of ghosting people or never initiating conversations anymore, I feel like an asshole to have tried to spark something with so many people and universally failed. The only times I’ve manage to burn bridges with people who to be blunt would not notice I left is during depressive episodes/alcohol fueled self loathing. And people are chill about it too! Maybe they’re okay with just talking to a virtual stranger every month but it fills me with nothing but guilt
Now I’m just overwhelmed by a sea of almost anonymous faces and I feel even worse for saying this because I should be able to remember shit and I don’t, my brain feels incapable of even remembering a familiar faces name or anything important, even irl. I wanted friends and it feels like my mental state fundamentally cannot handle friendship, always finding a way to fuck it up even for the few people I actually know / loved.