Actually productive question uhh, does anyone have resources for looking into FFS? I'm like 2 years minimum out from it being viable but I should probably learn my stuff now.
I am maybe semi coherent (4:30am, not my choice to be awake still, or my bodies tbqh)
>>40168921
>You're pretty intimidating
Huh, I kinda hope not to be depending on where that comes from, I think maybe the person I was could be, I suppose they're difficult to lose. Idk I guess I still dip into that sometimes, not always on purpose, still a lot of mental rewiring to do.
You should see how messy I get when rambling about something I care about irl :P
>>40171766
>Please go gentle on yourself
o/ i try but very much not my nature currently, well and my brain tries to eat me a lot especially when deprived of rest and overstrained or undertasked (and I've managed to cultivate all 3 the last few weeks).
>>40173679
Okay I tried thinking, brain not working so good, been run too hard the last two weeks and I can't tune it out. I need to like not post until I've had downtime but ehjeidud
>But you are very clearly love starved
It's like I agree but I'm of the view im hopeless to change it currently. Everyone immediately around me doesnt know I'm trans so any comfort I get is absorbed by this other person I have to be.
And i sort of can't change it just because like who I am is just fundamentally so unbelievably far off the edge of my irls view of me (i think i ramblewhine about it a lot in vaguer terms).
I keep finding new reasons as to what set me off anyway, medical exam, fucking shared showers, having to engage targeted aggression, night shifts, the general challenge of trying to do all this while being on DIY etc
>I envy that. I am tired of >30°C weather.
I work in a refrigerator lmao. I miss working outside a lot. Well and normal hours (the physical and mental damage of not getting enough sleep, enough time to process etc is getting to me now).