Am I schizophrenic for Doakesmaxxing the 20 something year old cashier guy at my local supermarket? I used to not go for groceries too often, maybe twice during a work week but ever since I set my eyes on this guy I've ramped it up to stopping by four, maybe five times every week. He's around my age and I just find it so bizarre that I can't recognize him from high school. Sometimes I walk into the store and scope out the checkout to make sure his shifts are on, proceeding to fill up my cart with a bunch of bullshit I don't need from the top shelves which he needs a stool to reach, so when I bring all of my stuff to the front of the store and say I don't have any cash on me he has to spend an hour putting it all back. BTW if you're wondering how I know when he is or isn't going to be at work, I log his routine in a black notebook I've been carrying around... with a few discrepancies I'm yet to figure out, his work schedule is airtight. He hangs around the cereal aisle a lot to dick around on his phone but when he sees me wearing my suspenders strutting at a brisk pace towards the Froot Loops he clumsily reaches for his roll of price tags and pretends to doing his job. Although lately I'm confident he's been sending me secret messages via price labels and barcodes he writes/prints, so there's a section in the notebook where I note each item and price together to figure out some kind of pattern. I'm so close. I find great pleasure in rolling over his feet with my shopping cart to intimidate him, he'll sperg out and all I respond with is "Watch where you're going creep motherfucker" followed by some more physical domination, then I tell him to get back to work. I'm thinking about taking a day off work to camp out the Piggly Wiggly parking lot so I can tail his car tomorrow.