I've come to the realization that life is worth living and I can go on any more, what's a quick and painless way to not kill myself?

hey why doesn't someone like literally open a zoo full of like really literally endangered species but like you're allowed to like literally throw rocks at the animals and like literally shoot them

this one time I fell off a ladder and suffered a compound fracture of the dickbone

hypothetical question: suppose you were the sole survivor of a plane crash and the only way you could stay alive was by eating the dead people then you'd obviously have sex with them first wouldn't you you steaming homosexual

I was going to say I've never seen a donkey but then I remembered I have seen a donkey, what animal were you going to see but then you remembered you've seen a donkey?

this one time I farted out a whole blueberry muffin

Life could be a dream (sh-boom)
If I could take you up in Paradise up above (sh-boom)
If you would tell me, I'm the only one that you love
Life could be a dream, sweetheart
Hello, hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again, boom (ba-boom u big gay)

Hey, I'm starting a band, I'll be on lead guitar and vocals and we're only going to play my songs and I'll need a ride to all the gigs and rehearsals and you'll all need to give me some money to buy a guitar then wait while I learn to play it. Who's in?

I may have had a few too many bottles of cough mixture today

You are the wind beneath my wings

why does it hurt when I pee

isn't it disgraceful how 56% of people in this country claim they don't believe in demons and guardian angels

It's literally halfway to christmas today and I am literally having difficulty not literally soiling myself with excitement

yeah well why don't you go in your gay kitchen and make yourself a penis sandwich then

Bic Mac and large fries please, and a Diet Coke

if the universe is 13 million years old then why hasn't the sun burned all its hydrogen yet?

according to Einstein, a million light years from now we'll all have evolved back into dinosaurs

hey let's play rock paper scissors, I'll go first

ROCK

I'm a really terrific guy and everyone likes me

The United States Emergency Frogpost System has been activated by direction of the President of the United States because of a grave national emergency. The Emergency Frogpost System comprises all communications facilities designated and authorized by the Federal Communications Commission to operate during a period of national emergency u gay cunt.

Everything you think you know is wrong. You massive queer.

moooOOOOoooo mooooOOOOoooo I am a cow moooOOOOooo moooooOOOOO I need miking moooooOOOOo please squeeze my udders and milk me into a bucket mooOOOO

what do you reckon the world will be likw a million light years from now? I reckon we'll all evolve superpowers like Darth Vader or csome shit like that.

this one time I sneezed and farted at the same time and the fart went back up my anus and inflated by balls and I shitted my uterus out through my peehole and the doctor had to poke it back in place with a wire coathanger

literally no one in the universe actually likes Dr Pepper

I like the phrase "masturbated to completion" because it makes me feel like I've accomplished something.

what was the first Harry Potter movie you masturbated to?

lesbians, eh, what's all THAT about?

>get out of shower
>dry off
>put big towel round my shoulders like a cape
>run round house shouting I AM NUDEY SUPERMAN
>mom punches me really hard in the penis
>yeah, I probably deserved that

I was thinking of becoming a nudist but I have no idea how to get started and I can't find a good online guide

could everyone please stop shitposting, some of us are trying to have serious discussions here

The metaverse is a concept for a future iteration of the internet, envisioning a persistent, immersive, and interactive 3D virtual world where users can interact with each other, digital environments, and virtual anuses.

What the fuck dude. I mean, seriously. What. The. Fuck.

hey I'm going to change my name to MISTER BLUMBLY GUMBLY PLONK PLONK because I've very clever and important and that way people will notice how clever and important I am u massive queer

if you can spare a few minutes this afternoon then I would appreciate you giving me some help bleaching my anus again

this one time I put my dingerdonger up a lady's front bottom and had a big orjasm and a baby fell out of her bunghole

Baby shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Baby shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Baby shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Baby shark

It ain't my fault that I'm out here gettin' loose
Gotta blame it on the Goose
Gotta blame it on my juice, baby
It ain't my fault that I'm out here makin' news

I just did a rancid penisfart

I just realized I haven't used the phrase "suck my chunks" this week u gay cunt

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that've hurt you
You big gay