Turns out I was sleeping on Rushing Beat X. It looks like Unity jank (and it is) but it's the most combo autism beat-em-up I've ever played. I love all the shit you can do. It's like one of those jank fighting games that let you chain whatever into whatever. You can almost see this on an arcade machine in a random chinese laundromat, like some 90's game you never heard of.

It probably gets annoyingly cheap and hard later but the first level is super fun. Will definitely buy if priced decently.