>>40474318
In general I live almost completely ignoring my body. I very much know how I look and that it is my body, but it simply is inconsequential to me.
This means that I barely feel anything because of it in general, no joy nor pain.

>somehow i feel like i've been digging a hole to find a treasure, only to realize i dug too far to crawl back out.
I'm currently trying desperately to climb back out, as the hole I've dug doesn't seem too deep yet.
It all started about 10 months back, but I've already been on e, stopped, went on it again, and stopped again in that time.
At the beginning, I was so convinced there was actually some treasure to be found, that I'll actually start enjoying life by transitioning, but it's all been an illusion
Would be easier to ignore all this, if I were past twink death face wise