my number one problem is being ultrapassive in life, anything that could progress or change my life i avoid due to all-encompassing depression.
my shrink goes on about how i'm blind to my own emotions and handling them, like schizoid personality disorder or C-PTSD, which is true to an extent, but its a mere pointless description. i know all the mental work to become more optimistic and confident, psycho-cybernetics, learned optimism, CBT, stoicism, neurolinguistic programming, rationality, detachment, "mindfulness" whatever. i have learned about probably over 100 self-improvement/psychological frameworks but none of it matters because i cannot give enough of a fuck about myself to actually do something in life so that i can change my mind with it, its a loop that has me stuck ruminating weeks away in my apartment without speaking to anyone. needless to say my shrink confessed she has no idea what to do with me which is typical now after the 1.5 year mark.