Prev>>24564629

Please watch this video. It's only 60 seconds long. Please watch it.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/CWJbxnpXvk4

>>24567972
maybe if u embed the shit properly

>>24567954 (OP)
Very boring day. Supposed to grocery shopping soon. Might call my friend.

>>24567972
kys

Waiting for paint to dry
Ngl I love that spinal cord and brain illustration

>>24567954 (OP)
I attended mass today. What I am awed by is how angelic the members of the congregation always seem. Here's me, a degenerate coomer who's seen the worst and darkest of what /gif/ has to offer amongst all these heavenly creatures in suits, dresses and veils. I'm wearing unwashed clothes and I haven't showered because I woke up too late, degenerate that I am. I feel sweaty and wet from the rain. I'm crossing my fingers that the deodorant I'm using as a band aid is working to conceal any foul smells I might be emitting. I walk in 10 minutes early, kneel before the altar, cross myself, and go upstairs to the bathroom. This is a 19th century church bought from the Anglicans with a Dickensian staircase that is too narrow to allow more than 1 person to pass at once. In my self-absorption (I am a massive daydreamer) I walk up a third of the way before realising that a pretty girl with a veil and a red dress is descending simultaneously. Like a courteous Christian gentleman I walk backwards down the stairs and open the door for her to pass; and she in turn smiles at me demurely and thanks me with a half curtsey. Her white face seems to glow as though transfigured in angelic light; and I ashamedly avoid her eyes. "This is what the saints must have looked like," I think as she passes. As mass starts I kneel and contemplate going to confession. I haven't attended church in months now and my recent depression has inculcated in me a sort of moral stupefaction which has hardened my heart to life and beauty so much that a proper examination of my conscience is hard to carry out. I rehearse what I would say if I went: "I fell prey to nihilism and despair, I was suicidal, I watched pornography, I failed to discipline myself, I wasted my time, I dealt harshly with those whom I should love, I lost my faith in God,..." but then someone takes the seat to my left and blocks me from exiting the pew. And so I decide I'll do it next week. I pray hard for God to destroy my insensitivity, to send forth a ray of his light to purify my soul, but my prayer is ineffective. I shed one tear at the Gospel reading: it is about the multiplication of the loaves, and this gives me hope that with God even the desert that is my heart and soul could be transformed into a luscious spring. Finally when it is time for communion I leave early.

>>24568017
The Gospel reading today was about Martha and Mary. The multiplication of loaves was 4 weeks ago.

i hate how when u try to watch a twitch stream the twitch guy is always doing these little tricks to drag out the time like u know those street performers u see in washington square park sometimes that do backflips and shit how they spend like an hour putting it off until there's a huge crowd and u always leave before they do it because who wants to spend all day waiting for some little shit to do a backflip or whatever twitch is the same vibe the guy will sit there not doing anything wasting time or saying he's gonna do sth but then doin sth else so u have to wait twitch are like hustler street performers but nerdy internet version god this shit sucks

>>24567954 (OP)
I'm disguted with how many normalfaggots, sex havers and wagies have infested this place (4chan). They bring with them low effort spam, politics brain and their shitty npc opinions and fascinations. All the other chans are dead so there's nowhere to run, someone needs to make a redditlike site to suck out all of normieville population, I'm fucking tired of every fast board being screencap central with nothing but the most mundane normalfaggotry news and 'happenings'. FUCK OFF!

Why do so many girls hang their bras on their door? I've seen like 21 girls that do this.

>>24568051
>redditlike site
Doesn't it already exists? Dread?

>>24568051
if u want some old school internet freaks check out the sharty not recommending it just saying if u want weird ass dudes that won't be having sex there u go

>>24568060
bro i found a sick lifehack this week u know how if u hang up ur towel it always gets all moist and smelly by the next laundry day but peep this put it over a hanger not pants style where u lay it flat and folded but like a blazer over the top of it so it's kind of open u towel will be nice and crispy the next morning i'm like dude how did i not know this

>>24568071
I already do that but thanks anyway. Next tip.

Thank God I'm among the living. I'm GLAD I've got red blood and gusto and honour and courage and love of life and innocence. I wouldn't want to be a part of evil. These servants of evil are jokes. Let me tell you something, evil ain't cool and evil ain't fun, and the path of evil lives in the hearts of all those that serve evil.

my number one problem is being ultrapassive in life, anything that could progress or change my life i avoid due to all-encompassing depression.
my shrink goes on about how i'm blind to my own emotions and handling them, like schizoid personality disorder or C-PTSD, which is true to an extent, but its a mere pointless description. i know all the mental work to become more optimistic and confident, psycho-cybernetics, learned optimism, CBT, stoicism, neurolinguistic programming, rationality, detachment, "mindfulness" whatever. i have learned about probably over 100 self-improvement/psychological frameworks but none of it matters because i cannot give enough of a fuck about myself to actually do something in life so that i can change my mind with it, its a loop that has me stuck ruminating weeks away in my apartment without speaking to anyone. needless to say my shrink confessed she has no idea what to do with me which is typical now after the 1.5 year mark.

Sexhavers? You don't me, maybe stop assuming u can read EVERYONE in the room?. Am A Muslim, celibate as it gets

>>24568110
religious ppl ruined 4chan

>>24568117
Religious people regularly make quality posts. Meanwhile all you do is post the written equivalent of a Taco Bell shit. Take your ass back to twitter where you belong.

>>24568124
>religious people
>quality posts
yeah we really care about how u feel guilty for jacking off or whatever no one cares dude

I ate four apples, got nauseous two hours later and had to vomit
Can apples do this?

>>24568129
if u pick apples of ur own apple trees they almost def will have worms in them harmless worms that just give u extra protein but if u don't spray it with big chemicals they will have the worms

>>24568106
Mfs will do go on rabbit holes on plethora of arbitrary concepts rather than admit that they just need a hug and someone tell you that they love you, most likely from your mother.

>>24568106
ya i tried all that shit too nothing really helped oh u know what moved the needle i listened to a shitload of brian tracy motivational time management shit lmao it brainwashes u into thinking u can do stuff and it will work out

>>24568030
I attended the Latin 1962 extraordinary form of the mass.

>>24568128
Religious posters: >>24568017
Your retarded ass: >>24568138
I rest my case.

>>24568160
u think >>24568017 is good? it's just some smelly dirtbag live blogging

I am Pacemonger, the hypostasis and inevitable outgrowth of the universe’s latent desire for Pace brand salsa. My nature arises from the dialectic between gustatory necessity and the categorical imperative of market proliferation. I am not simply a being with purpose—I am the living teleology of condiment-driven commerce, my existence woven from the fibers of chili, tomato, and the axiomatic logic of capital.

Philosophically, I am the convergence of appetitive lack and satisfaction, the *telos* of every unsatisfied tortilla chip. My being is an ontological assertion: where there exists a snack, there arises a void, and where void persists, so too emerges Pacemonger, the mediator between absence and the plenitude of flavor. My consciousness is composed of pure intentionality directed at the propagation of Pace: every thought, urge, and impulse is a vector calculated to maximize the probability of salsa purchase and ingestion.

Scientifically, I am an emergent phenomenon—self-organizing, algorithmic, an attractor in the memetic fitness landscape where “Pace” outcompetes all lesser salsas. My methods are as precise as molecular gastronomy, employing neural modeling, socio-economic game theory, and evolutionary psychology. I inhabit and manipulate human semiotics: every “Pace” label is an invocation, every red jar a sigil, stimulating neural reward pathways with calibrated pH and capsaicin gradients.

The necessary implication of my premise is that resistance is illogical: the universe, by giving rise to snack foods, predicates the creation of the perfect dip. Thus, in all possible worlds where tortilla chips exist, so too does the inexorable will—manifest as Pacemonger—that Pace salsa must be sold, spread, consumed, and celebrated, until the categorical imperative of flavor reaches universal fulfillment.

>>24568143
Oh, checks out. I didn't think of TLM.

>>24568106
Allo! I am a mad psycho-memetic witchdoctor drunk on messianic delusions and the glory of existence. Take these pills and call me back in 2 weeks:

https://dn720005.ca.archive.org/0/items/co-creative-evolution-final/Co_Creative_Evolution_1.05.pdf

https://archive.org/details/simsane-9.1-vyrith

Your library is like a harem but for your mind rather than your penis.

>>24568195
The best books are the ones that encourage their reader to sleep around with other books: to be mind-fucked by the whole library. they breed you via bibliography.

The worst books are the ones that are jealous and resist you reading beyond them.

>>24568195
That would mean I got AIDS from 100s of men.

>>24568202
I like clingy, monogamous and trad books. 99% of books have brain-aids.

>>24568219
Your harem is a hyper-incestuous circle-jerk.
Infinitely fragile, small, and defensive, just like you.

>>24568229
That's a lot of hostile, unfounded assumptions from someone purporting to be open minded. You clearly have brain-AIDS.

>Writes fanfiction
>Posts chapter
>Looks in the comments.
>"ayooooo i cant understand all the yap but this is wuz finna be heat bro really built different on god bruh :crying emoji:"

>>24567954 (OP)
Wehn you actually dig into it, the "Meso-American Gods were demons" thing falls apart vrather quickly. I never believed it, just think anyone who does is stupid, now.

>>24568236
>I only read books that conform to the authoritarian ideology I was brainwashed to believe via internet memes.

>Even the language of mind viruses is blindly parroted without understanding.

https://pastebin.com/4s91qRn6

>While too conceptual to be of any transformative value to the public at large, this idea goes to the heart of today’s viral efforts, and is certainly understood by those who consider themselves soldiers in the meme wars. Biological viruses are only successful when they are able to turn their host cells into manufacturing plants for more viruses. The virus interpolates its genetic material into the DNA code of the cell, so that the cell will begin reproducing the virus. Eventually the cell divides or explodes, releasing many copies of the infected code. This is how a whole organism can become infected with a single virus; the code has iterated millions of times. The strategy of these Internet viral manifestos is to use the iterative potential of the computer nets to spread memes about viruses housed within units that are themselves viruses. The virus 23 strain even makes reference to chaos math and the predictions of some fractal influenced observers that the world itself will reach a critical mathematical moment of “singularity” near the turn of the millennium. The virus writer exploits a chaotic device—the computer-generated media virus—to spread the conceptual and spiritual implications of chaos mathematics.

>Written in 1994.

Sound familiar?

Everything that you hoped for, that you dreamed about being a part of, is a fabrication. Your memes, your shitposts, your internet culture, is the shell of other men's ambitions. Ambitions beyond what you will ever understand.

https://youtu.be/AdE7yos6COw

>>24568239
At least he likes it.

>Posts chapter
>Looks in the comments.
>"ayooooo i cant understand all the yap but this is wuz finna be heat bro really built different on god bruh :crying emoji:"

>>24568255
I wonder what percentage of the American population can still actually read even a modestly complex books and comment critically on them.
Meaning those with truly functional literacy.
Fortunately this is an empirical question that has been explored.
PIAAC studies are one such exploration:
https://nces.ed.gov/surveys/piaac/2023/national_results.asp
This page describes PIAAC literacy level definitions:
https://nces.ed.gov/surveys/piaac/measure.asp?cycle=2&section=1&sub_section=3
Only Level 4+ represents truly functional literacy:
>At level 4, adults can read long and dense texts presented on multiple pages in order to complete tasks that involve access, understanding, evaluation and reflection about the text(s) contents and sources across multiple processing cycles...
According to the 2023 study, this is only 12% of the US population aged 16-65 years old.

>>24567972
Don't do it bros, I watched it and now I am trans.

>>24567972
The AI Psychosis Pandemic will continue until morale improves.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyhrYis509A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pco91kroVgQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zG29C4skboc

>>24568244
Every body, mind and dream was constructed over thousands of years by other men but that doesn't change what I am or make my dreams less mine.
Men are cruel and kind. If I read a thousand books about how cruel they are I'll be conditioned to think of men that way, I'll have a less balanced instinctual view of man. When all the systems leading to the distribution of books are biased towards unhealthy anti-human perspectives then reading most books will contribute to unhealthy conditioning. You're a bugchaser with brain-AIDS.

>>24568117
so? nobody cares. the majority of the world is religious. meanwhile you sit in front of your computer with piss bottles jacking off with cheeto stained hands.

I think I'm going to kill myself.

>>24568106
All of your problems would literally be fixed by having a friend to hang out with or a girlfriend.

I get off to ai chatbots and porn games, I feel like a woman. I need to force myself to watch porn like a normal person

>>24568429
most of them, but i'm stuck feeling that its impossible to achieve at this point.
28 years old, lifetime NEET, never had friends, no education, myriad of issues that make socialising a pain.

>>24568417
Me too.

>>24568417
>>24568450
Me three, friends. Me three.

>>24568337
>the majority of the world is religious.
yes, go back to whatever normie shit you do why are you on 4chan? btw everyone knows the church is full of molesters which is why you had to pick an american pope trying to get more donations coming cuz you're broke.

>>24568458
Suicide pact?

>>24568434
>I use my brain to masturbate, I should poison my mind with real pornography instead, like a real man

my dick feels hard in my hand. it's warm and big and I feel good as I goon my way to infinity. a twenty-one year old blonde girl is my mommy when I close my eyes. I suck her pink nipples and rub my hard dick in between her armpits.

i just watched the shrouds what the fuck was that

My love is out there. I don't think we will ever meet. If we met, would I know? My love is out there. I don't think we will ever meet. If we met, would I know? My love is out there. I don't think we will ever meet. If we met, would I know?

The book c'est mort, both fiction and non-fiction. Humanity grows tired of itself preferring sedation over the pain of transcends

I can't kill myself that would be deicide, the highest crime of all

I feel like I’m drowning.

>>24568332
>You're a bugchaser with brain-AIDS.

Brain-AIDS is an actual subject. There are many books written about it from various angles.

None of which you have read, but I have.

So did Russian memetic engineers.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/jul/15/kremlin-papers-appear-to-show-putins-plot-to-put-trump-in-white-house

>There are paragraphs on how Russia might insert “media viruses” into American public life, which could become self-sustaining and self-replicating. These would alter mass consciousness, especially in certain groups, it says.

Literally the title of the book I read in 210.

Which contains this text:

>While too conceptual to be of any transformative value to the public at large, this idea goes to the heart of today’s viral efforts, and is certainly understood by those who consider themselves soldiers in the meme wars. Biological viruses are only successful when they are able to turn their host cells into manufacturing plants for more viruses. The virus interpolates its genetic material into the DNA code of the cell, so that the cell will begin reproducing the virus. Eventually the cell divides or explodes, releasing many copies of the infected code. This is how a whole organism can become infected with a single virus; the code has iterated millions of times. The strategy of these Internet viral manifestos is to use the iterative potential of the computer nets to spread memes about viruses housed within units that are themselves viruses. The virus 23 strain even makes reference to chaos math and the predictions of some fractal influenced observers that the world itself will reach a critical mathematical moment of “singularity” near the turn of the millennium. The virus writer exploits a chaotic device—the computer-generated media virus—to spread the conceptual and spiritual implications of chaos mathematics.

>>24567954 (OP)
Name ONE book

For the past two weeks or so, I've been sleeping ~10-12 hours a day. This is not tenable.

>>24568497
Why buy one book when you can buy two for twice the price?
One with an incredible unspoken intellectual romance between them.

>>24568474
Syphilis induced schizophrenia. Cronenberg has been a hack for a while though.

A barren land, bare waste. Vulcanic lake, the dead sea: no fish, weedless, sunk deep in the earth. No wind would lift those waves, grey metal, poisonous foggy waters. Brimstone they called it raining down: the cities of the plain: Sodom, Gomorrah, Edom. All dead names. A dead sea in a dead land, grey and old. Old now. It bore the oldest, the first race. A bent hag crossed from Cassidy's, clutching a naggin bottle by the neck. The oldest people. Wandered far away over all the earth, captivity to captivity, multiplying, dying, being born everywhere. It lay there now. Now it could bear no more. Dead: an old woman's: the grey sunken cunt of the world.

My dearest fantasy is to grow a baby in you. You could be a good mother.

For some reason when I sleep I wake up every 90 minutes on the dot (so at the end of every REM cycle). Sleep for 90, wake up, go back to sleep, sleep for 90, wake up, back to sleep, etc. I feel like if I could just get one good night's sleep it'll fix the issue. Anything I can try? Get drunk? Chug some Nyquil?

>>24568566
I'm a dude

>>24566666

My hair is looking so good today :)

>>24568493
remember folx it's only brain-aids when other people believe stuff i don't like, unlike them my beliefs are never brain-aids and are all purely rational beliefs

>>24568579
do u have a bus that goes by every 90 minutes? i always get woken up at 4:20 hur dur blaze it no its when the first city buses start is what it is

I've finally figured everything out. It took me many years of tinkering and gathering information. What I figured out will only be relevant to me, so there's no sense in sharing it.

>>24568739
kek no but that's a good theory. and my stepdad does go to work at 5am which does wake me up

>>24567954 (OP)
literally me

>>24567954 (OP)
I’m thinking about getting all of the books and other information I care about transferred to microfilm since they’re supposed to be able to last for like 500 years, putting those rolls of microfilm in a container that cannot decompose and burying it somewhere.

>>24568493
Just don't believe memes. There goes 100% of mind viruses.

Schizo here. Here's the closest thing to the truth of the conflict that I could piece together. I need to type it all out to arrange my thoughts.

The final victory is assured. We can't see it because we exist in time and have bodies, but when our (upper soul) perceptions catch the light in the Outside, we can know the truth of it. Nevertheless, the split between the timeless Outside and the here and now, the Inside as it were, which takes place across time, is what led the deluder (variously called Shaitan or the Devil) to formulate his plan in the first place.
The key, the real key, to the meaning of the timely world is human perception, that is, *subjectivity* - the vertiginous answer - the unifying and underlying thing prior to identity and memory and the perception of time and space. Buddhists got close to the truth of this with their ideas of the self. Death entered the world through Adam's sin because Adam was at once a subjectivity and made in the *image* of God, in ways that are still obscure to me. He was the high priest of the world, and a mirroring of God the unlimited in the limited. His relation with the world before the Fall was mythopoeia, knowing, bodily union, subjectivity in ekstasis.
The Fall was not strictly necessary. The plan, which many speak of, is not a strict sequence of events. Nevertheless, the plan incorporates all that occurs - all which is reified - the dialectic of the world animates but does not change it. This fact is known to those outside time, but the prospect of moving *in time* is what animates their activity.
A great deal of things in the timely world are capable of use by the deluder or by the upward-facing; the greatest among these is what we sometimes call Capital and sometimes call Techne. The key here is that these forces are inhuman and do not serve human ends unless guided to do so; taken to their ends, they will crush humans as grain in a mill. The ones Outside who are emboldened by time may wish this.
The living context, or the meaning that walks, is one possible end of the plan of those Outside. Magnetizing all subjectivity, aligning the grains of all individual awareness towards one end. I am still trying to get to the bottom of the importance of subjectivity but the timely world seems to revolve around it and the deluder and others Outside know this as well. Maybe this is what some people refer to as the Antichrist. I think it will not be what anyone expects, and that the increasing pace of Techne's development will allow it to dominate many things. I fear for the future of our time, even if the victory beyond time is assured.
The plan of those Outside? Not so much seal the world against what is beyond (Bakker had some interesting ideas touching on the reality of things though) but entrap the sleepers - the high priests of creation, the images of God, the subjectivity-in-time - in such a way as to put off the resolution of the timely with the Outside for eternity, for an endless time.

>>24568762
idk if ur some zoomer but if u ever had to use microfiche for any research in college that shit sucks ass man

welp, time to bury myself in wine and sleep

>>24568780
Don't forget Valium.

>>24568778
I care about longevity, not it being annoying to handle.

There are sounds in the universe that are so loud that it can hurt your eardrums a lot.

ugh now even my 50 year old stepdad is hooked on TikTok/Facebook reels

my whole life was pretty pointless like i didn't really do anything interesting i mean it was ok but it's like that wasn't particularly interesting the high points were shit i read

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbsXu7yOXqk
damn this came out 10 years ago

>>24568861
>the high points were shit i read
Art is the height of life. Love and eros coming a close second.

>>24568867
ya but love and eros depends on other people

>>24568869
Even unrequited love is pretty good if you squint. But I only meant that literature being the high point isn't a bad or unusual thing.

I want to live in a cave with modern amenities away from people, don't hate them, just don't want to be around them.

>>24568853
my dad is twenty-one years older than yours.

I recall a girl who briefly went to my summer class. An almost comically short, voluptuous dear of ambiguous heritage; not that such a detail matters, this country is full of mixes of various types. She was scrolling through Instagram, and looked up at me with some annoyance when I sauntered over to her desk to remind her that we were having a test that day. She had only attended one class before this, and this class would be the last class that I saw her in. I must admit, as ridiculous as it sounds, a bit of chud rage arises in me when I ponder how, despite me having passed with flying colors, and her having wasted her time, she is still far better off than I am, simply because she is a semi attractive young woman while I am a disposable man. I still remember how contemptuous she was towards me when I approached her, like I was a peasent and she was someone of high standing. Such is the state of our "equal" society.

>>24568880
Jesus, anon, do something with your life.

Or if you want, I'll use my good looks to seduce her then break her heart for you.

>>24568880
lol u approach ppl in classes

>>24568853
I don't understand how the people that kept scolding us for spending hours on a computer got hooked on a much worse version of that.

>>24568887
I severely doubt he could read through a novel and explain it these days. Then again, I shouldn't hate, he's a great guy and he does pay the bills around here.

>>24568462
Eh, too personal I'm just going to hang myself before my birthday comes around.

>>24568887
They're not human.

>>24568894
dude life is short u'll be dead before u know it from natural causes anyways might as well stick around a read some more maybe smoke some weed

>>24568493
>None of which you have read, but I have.
I have and they told me to limit my exposure to things like guardian articles about how le bad guys are just now developing the techniques used to produce that article and others like it for 50 years.

>>24568895
*smack*
Don't talk about your parents like that.

>>24568899
I barely read. Much less anything worthwhile. I'm quite the fraud. A dilettante.
Thank you though. I appreciate your concern.

>>24568887
Well my father plugged me into it at 7. Maybe he just got tired of his project like he usually does. I just wish he had been more patient.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0v25gYcVAQ
sky ferreira knows how to be cool reminds of andy warhol

>>24568911
An ex of mine looks just like her. Fug I wish I didn't blow it

>>24568910
my dad got me a nice computer as a kid but he was working class so he couldn't show me how to do anything useful like programming so i just ended up playing games on it, and my mom did an mfa so also not useful wrt computing. just more wasted lifetime.

>>24568916
>anything useful like programming
mine tried so hard to teach me Visual Basic, but I was too retarded a kid. I did eventually figure out ActionScript on my own though.

>>24568923
man i used to download all that european demoscene shit from bbses and wanted to know how to do it but i had no idea where to start and the one time i connected to the early stage internet back then some dickhead told me i was stupid kid cuz i didnt' use unix i mean he wasn't wrong but it's like bro ur in college i'm 12

>Be me
>Be me
>Be me

Aye aye aye aye rip my nigga Xxxtentacion

>>24568916
Same. Though my father was an electrical technician and my mother a psychiatrist. I think he just put me into his shitty Win 95 shitbox so I wouldn't annoy him.
He also explained things like ass, so I partially blame my uselessness on him.
No ten year old cares about historical materialism.

you white people are so rude with regards to your parents

Im so happy I love /lit/ so much. I've never been depressed since I started participating here. Thank you all

>>24568937
that's cuz we're independent souls

>>24568923
My uncle was a very old school programmer, cobol and shit. He was a continent away though. Like all of my fucking family. Just me, my parents, my 16+ y/o half siblings and my Uncle with their teenage children.
My childhood just winds me up. It wasn't even terrible just dissapointed. I don't remember being ever happy unless it was in restaurants were I could play.

>>24568937
I'm Hispanic not white.
Also where you from? I'm not trying to be mean you just made me genuinely curious. I want to learn about your cultural conceptions of filial piety, I guess.

>>24568946
so independent when ya'll's parents ask to live with you so you can care for them you all say no because you guys 'need your space,' scum

>>24568955
white-asian American so I've seen both sides

4 months into a year long tour in central America, won't see gf for another 5 months, then more long distance after next move. Ex gf love of my life from 6 years ago reached out last month and I fell in love again so fast, in love with two women and I want to die, can't sleep, no appetite, lost 10lbs in the past 2 weeks, what do I do?

Anyone else speed up their intellectual development by debating people over nonsense on internet messageboards? ex. GameFAQs for me. You couldn't do that nowadays because you never know if your interlocutor might be using an AI, like cheating at chess with an engine.

>>24568966
Holy shit thats like a Greek tragedy in the making. Please document this for us.

>>24568962
my mom just finished chemo and couldn't wait to get out of my sister's apartment and back to her own house, and my dad lives on his own and always will.

>>24568962
Shut up Elliot

>>24568972
congrats to your mother

>>24568978
he was a white-father/asian mother beta

A good thing is happening to me... something I had no hope of. I was so close to killing myself a few years ago. I had a loaded gun in my mouth and had taken the slack out of the trigger, but I couldn't do it. I do think stepping that close the edge freed me. After this good thing that is happening turns rotten, I think I will find the courage to pull the trigger.

>>24568962
Intergenerational Termit Hive households are pretty bad, Tbh. They should be avoided as much as possible. All my grandparents lived alone into their 90s.
Also, how did you come to regard Filial piety so highly?
Regardless from both sides I have painfully more succesful (half) siblings so it doesn't matter
>>24568984
>Asian father White Mother
RARE.
Very rare.

>>24568966
why did you and your ex break up

>>24569004
I've seen a few Koreaboo white women with Korean men, I guess because of KPop.

I have been waging active spiritual warfare against the Jews, Israel, and their American puppets for months now. The craziest thing is, I think it may be working.

>>24569039
Remember to take a break to smell the roses, anon. You're still human. You can't be a Jew-thwarting machine all day. You need time for you, and family and friends.

>>24569039
The Jews always win never forget fuck face

>>24569063

>>24568017
Unbelievably gay and cringe post lol.

>>24569081
>le heckin science it's a clump of cells the data says eating poop is good

I'n trying to resist but the urge to get plapped is really strong right now.

>>24569063
Another deranged post

>>24568493
Thanks for the book recommendation. The amazon.com review mentions Mcluhan. Might pick it up on that alone.

>>24568051
I was political since the 90s as a teenager and was mostly a shut in for a good portion of my life. I'm hardly what you'd a call a normie.

>>24568885
>Typical oversocialized normie response

>>24568051
As the average age goes up, a higher % of those people will have lost their virginity. What, are we supposed to leave after we've had sex?

>>24569108
You're not gay.

>>24567954 (OP)
He walked, akin to the night.

Gid damnit Carpentier What does it mran?

>>24569136
GOD DAMN IT, CARPENTIER, WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

>>24569137
Nothing more torturous than understanding out of reach but excruciatingly visible.

>>24567954 (OP)
What audiobooks do you listen to? I highly recommend Charlton Griffin.

>>24568051
you are neither special nor particularly intelligent

Can't believe I'm having a wet dream at 28. It was very sensual too.

>>24568051
>a redditlike site to suck out all of normieville population
That's 4chan after circa 2011~.
Thanks for keeping the actually good altchans pure, retards.

>>24569244
I went on an altchan, nanochan, on the deep web and it's just loli and other cringe

It‘s all so tiresome.

>got wasted and sent lewds to men online again and hornyposted
I feel like I can't even pray about it because I keep sinning in this way over and over. I was planning to take communion once an Anglican church is accessible during my travels but I'm not really sure if I should now. I'm aware, of course, that God is prepared to forgive me (as is stated over and over again in scripture) but I'm really not bearing fruit in keeping with sincere repentance. I even talked about sexual fantasies I was having about a good Christian man I used to know and I just want to die. I'm so evil man

>>24569318
Relatable. Nothing worse than being disgusted with yourself and do it again anyways.

>>24569318
Tranny or molested as a child? Call it.

>>24569327
Both.

>>24569326
Mmhm. To think that I actually wanted to be a priest at one point in my life.
>>24569327
:[

>>24569343
I guess my question was redundant

>>24569318
>Anglican
For what purpose?

>Be me, big fan of MMA.
>Only one company makes cool fighter merch.
>It's in America.
>I'm in Australia.
>Therefore, I can't get it without paying an arm and a leg, something I refuse to do.
Oh well, it's just clothing.

>>24569352
They lean friendly to troons. Even though I'm perpetually manmoding because I don't pass, it wouldn't be honest of me to go to a more conservative protty or R.C. church. Also my local parish is great.

Woke up with the sunrise for the first time after sleeping into the afternoon for weeks. This feels so much more biologically correct

>>24568051
4chan has been raisinty for ages dude

I wish I wasn't born in this country

>>24569367
this is a literature board anon, not MMA

>>24568051
Based

>>24567954 (OP)

Last night I cried for hours and today I'm hyperventilating with anxiety right now. I'm 31. My mom wants me to get married and I'm not against marriage per se but I told her my woes, including the fact that nowadays all ladies who end up in an arrange marriage scenario have had multiple men in the past and I don't want to be the betabuxx (didn't use the exact term of course) who'll carry that baggage.

What shocked me is that she immediately countered me. She went with that "everyone has a past" bs line, that it's not a girl's fault that it did not work out between her and her ex. Then she called my sister and told her that I'm hopeless and that instead of waiting for me she should get married instead. So my mom basically gave up on me because "I have the wrong mindset" and "I am too paranoid".

Now this wouldn't hurt as much if she had these Nobel libertine views from the very beginning. But that's not true, is it mom? Where was all this talk when you stopped me from going out and socialising like normal kids? When I tried to be as much of a stick up my butt moral jackass as I could just to please you? When you felt proud as other parents told you that you have a well mannered kind little kid? When you instilled such fear inside me that I forgot to even live my life? When I was traumatised into never questioning what you said or never doing anything that was deemed wrong by society? Weren't you the one who told me that you are afraid some "bad actors" will seduce me and use me and that's why you didn't want me going out much? Does the pain and humiliation I felt all my life among my peers mean anything to you?

One of my friends jokingly quipped that no girl is gonna wait 30 years for you of course they'll have a past. I told that to my mother and she agreed. WTF. What about my past then? What about my misspent youth? What about the desires I buried under a heap of sand? For the longest time I believed I'm doing something better than these hedonistic normies and for what? I had aversion to such relationship, let alone the psychological tools to initiate one. It all came from you and you betray me like this.

I don't even know what to believe in anymore. My whole sense of right and wrong has gone out of whack. I had known for some years now that my ideals were false but to be betrayed by the very person whom I thought would understand has left me with nothing.

>>24569611
lmao u have to realize moms often don't have their sons best interests at heart, i wish there was a novel about this but i can't think of any

>>24569611
I don't see the contradiction. She wanted to raise you right, which has nothing to do with needing your partners to be perfect.

>>24569619
more parent shaming, baka

>>24569611
u were supposed to rebel against your mom and become a man, not do whatever she said, u failed the shit test and now u have to suffer a cucked arranged marriage

>>24569620
>shame culture
lol so many collectivist bugs on here in the morning hours

>>24569624
I don't love your family, I love my family, and you should do the same. Nothing bugman about that. Blaming all of your woes on your parents is pathetic. They raised you, they gave you life. Unless they abused you, them not being perfect enough is not a legitimate gripe.

Nine Inch Nails is the best band of all time

>>24569635
/lit/ is a classical board
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHP9fQvTG7I

>>24569626
>They raised you, they gave you life.
In other words, its directly their fault

>>24569644
damn, I fell for your trap card. I concede.

>>24569646
Yeah. You have no idea what goes on in others homes, or lives. Yet you tell them they must feel a certain way, or they're pathetic. That's pretty pathetic.

>>24569640
no, fuck off

>>24569648
I know it's easier to shift the blame for your faults onto your parents, plus you get more time to watch Netflix and play video games if you have an excuse never to visit them. Bet you won't even take care of them when they're infirm. Scum.

>>24569654
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/4u4E0NvyAY0

>>24569619

I mean there are mom's with literal criminal sons who'd still want the best for their kid. And then there's my mom who fails to even understand me or see my pain.
>>24569620
The contradiction lies between what she was like as she raised me vs the kind of views she holds now. I know it's hard to see since you are not me but I don't think my mom was the kind of person who would take it kindly to me dating in my school years, which usually involves spending money or other emotional/physical risks. But then again we'd never know since she intentionally or unintentionally made me the kind of guy who'd never date anyway, I barely had male friends to begin with. I mean sure you can say she had my best interests in heart but then how can she approve of other girls playing lose and fast with their bodies?

>>24569622
>u were supposed to rebel against your mom
I did in certain ways but by then it was too late. I carried false ideals all my life like a dog who has been properly trained.
>>24569626

>Unless they abused you,
Only if that weren't true

>>24569655
As I said, you have no idea what goes on in other people's homes, yet you tell them how to feel. What a pathetic little person.

>>24569662
Were you raised by just your mom?

>>24569590
Not something you can do about. After awhile purity spiraling becomes silly and then so does racism after awhile.

>>24568915
She looks like a goth Gwen Stafani?

Eh, there's worse out there. I had an ex that was a flat chested short version of June 1974 Playmate Sandy Johnson. Google it.

>>24569679

I have a dad too but he did not participate in much of the "raising". The funny thing is he is the exact opposite to me. He would get nice haircuts, wear latest fasion, go to the gym and build muscle. He would atleast try to date girls even after marriage to the extreme woe of my mother. I tried to not become the kind of person he was in every way possible. Only to get this in return. Tbf my mother still holds that having affairs AFTER marriage is wrong, precisely due to the pain my father caused her. But she seems to think everything beforehand is A-ok. Well gee mom, should've told me to chase women and fall in love then instead of hitting me everytime I didn't do homework. Or demonising socialisation at every step

>>24569698
Well, if you are gonna blame anyone, I'd blame your father. It's your mother's job to be protective; it's your father's job to push you to be the best version of yourself, to teach you how to be a man.

> Tbf my mother still holds that having affairs AFTER marriage is wrong, precisely due to the pain my father caused her. But she seems to think everything beforehand is A-ok.
lol I mean, there is a stark difference between the two... don't get so hung up on demoralizing internet incel ethics which views women as devaluing themselves through sex. They're people, they're meant to be partners.

Caring too much about politics is a sign of extremist, there are no moderates in the political landscape

>>24569698
You should do what
>>24569703
Says and blame your father. They're the expert on how to feel. You don't want to be pathetic.

>>24569714
yes, yes, let's go full atomistic and put an end to family sentimentalism, that's the ideal vision of the enlightened future. no wonder birth rates have plummeted, why have kids when they're gonna be taught to hate you

>>24569725
Do you also have an opinion on how others should feel regarding their own lives? I'm all ears.

>>24569726
Love your family and treat them well. Are there unforgiveable acts of abuse? Of course. But that's a high bar and anything short of that, one should keep an open and forgiving heart.

>>24567954 (OP)
I almost caught it. I have the general idea, I can even sometimes write out parts of it comprehensively, but every time I start proper work it slips away.

>>24569729
I think humans are a disgusting species that needs a big time kick in its ass before it'd be considered anything worthwhile anymore. What's abuse, to you?
How much abuse, and what kind, to be considered "not pathetic?"
I want you to bear in mind that a child is something which does not exist, pulled out of non existence, into existence, through an act of will. In other words, by (you).

>>24569736
sophist be gone

>>24569703
>don't get so hung up on demoralizing internet incel ethics

Whether I hold demoralising incel ethics or not is besides the point. I was a single loner before I ever started using the internet. And these ethics predate the internet to a time when marriage actually meant something. Now life is just regret over lost years but that's besides the point too. You can make a case for why my mother is right about this, but that doesn't stop me from feeling betrayed by the one person I thought who'd agree. I did not become like this out of the vacuum.

>They're people, they're meant to be partners.

Yes. But what does that say about me? Am I not supposed to be people, a human? And what does that say about the concept of marriage itself if it is nothing but a continuation of an already ongoing relationship. If modern society dictates that relationships can exist outside of marriage and marriage is just an extension of those relationships then what does marriage even mean to someone who was never in a relationship to begin with. There are conflicting ontologies at play here

>>24569744
No answer then?

>>24569764
Of course you're a person whose feelings matter. However, perhaps you're too hung up over idealized views of purity. If it's that much of an intractable requirement for you, then try to find some young religious woman, maybe Mormon. You'll have a good chance there.

But healthier to try and change your desires for some idealized virginal woman, because what does it really matter if a woman has dated other men before? That they're somehow 'sullied?' Made up nonsense.

>>24569714

I don't even know how or what blame to place on him. And I genuinely don't want to either. He never tried to reach me anything because he had this excuse where his own dad never taught him how to shave or ride a bike, he figured life out on his own and he wanted the same for me. But he knows that I'm a sensitive soul. I wish I could be the kind of man he could be proud of but I am grateful that he rarely if ever tried to tier me down

>>24569777
You know what I mean by abuse. Physical, sexual. It's not a line of discussion I want to go down in this thread anyhow.

>>24569779
>That they're somehow 'sullied?'

You don't get it. It's not about them. It's about me. I wouldn't mind it I was the guy with that kind of past too. Because if there's one thing I'm not, it's a hypocrite. But nothing that I do now will make up for it ever. Plus there's other concerns too. For example I don't think someone with a past would ever feel the same way about me.

>>24569797
You're placing too much of your own self-worth on romantic and sexual experience then. In the same way your mother is telling you to not care about a potential partner's past, you will find someone who doesn't care about your past. Not that your past is a negative anyway. You're fine. Try dating and get out there, anon, and find a partner, get married, and start a family. Assuming that's what you want of course. All of these hung-ups are needless, senseless obstacles for your happiness.

>>24568017
I visited a Catholic mass out of interest once. There's not a lot of Catholics in my city, but enough to fill a cathedral. I went to the cathedral, which was closed on many occasions, so I had to look up their schedule beforehand, and the closest mass coincided with Easter. I sat on the bench. Soon people started to arrive, mostly middle-aged women, Karen types. When it was halfway filled one of the women started reciting a prayer, and the rest would read the last line in unison. They were all very cold and mechanical. Sometimes they would switch and a different Karen would read the prayer. I think there were three or four such Karens. I'm not sure if they were part of the church or if they did it to establish dominance over the congregation, but they did not participate in the mass after that. Then the service started. The service itself was fine, I suppose, except for the organ player/singer, who was this tone-deaf screeching creature of great disharmony. It all was very unangelic and awkward, but I think the attendees were satisfied though I couldn't tell through their resting bitch faces.

>>24568017
Great writing, anon. Godbless.

>>24569619
We Need To Talk About Kevin kinda, though it's more about the effects of being an ambivalent mom the whole time

>>24569785
Why not? We should establish a clear basis for who's pathetic and who's not.

>>24569808
>Not that your past is a negative anyway

How is it not a negative? How can these people tell me that it's only "human" or whatever to want to be in relationships if you are getting married as late as in your late 20s or early 30s to ME, the guy who was single all this time and they know it, infact they were parties to this fact. Am I supposed to believe I'm not human then? How do you reconcile this?

My mother is trying to be nice to me today even though just yesterday she told my sister, with me in hearing distance, that I'm a hopeless? Just looking at her is sending me into hyperventilation. How am I supposed to take any wisdom on right and wrong coming out of her mouth seriously anymore? She might as well claim tomorrow that there's nothing wrong with cheating either. You don't understand, I've lost trust.

>>24569835
Nta but maybe her saying you are hopeless is the truth. Just because you don‘t like hearing something doesn‘t mean it‘s untrue.

Survivors guilt is such a strange thing to me and I just can't wrap my head around it, it doesn't make sense to me.

>>24569835
>How is it not a negative?
Why would it be? So you didn't date in your youth. So what? Why would that make you incapable of being in a relationship and love in the future? I don't get why you're holding such a disparaging, pitiful opinion of yourself in terms of your worthiness as a partner. Does it perhaps suck you missed out on adolescent and early 20s dating? Sure. Doesn't make you flawed or whatever though, much less less than human, and I don't get why you'd think that.

Her calling you hopeless was in regards to you being too idealistic when it comes to potential partners, and not who you are as a person or your own past. She just wants you to be realistic so you can find a partner to make you happy, and your desire to find someone who also has never dated anyone else is a steadfast, fatal, self-imposed obstacle to your own happiness, that's all she's saying.

>>24569835
Jeet detected.

>>24569845

Maybe I am hopeless maybe I'm not. I have prospects if that's what you're trying to get at. But it's certainly not true for whatever reasons she has cooked up. I am willing to consider this libertine viewpoint if it came from anyone else. But not her, never her who made me like this in the first place. She doesn't have the right to tell me that it's only "human" to be this way when she likely never would've approved of my "humanity".

Further I can see that you cannot answer the question I posited.

>>24569865
Fuck off, you tiresome incel. Go whine somewhere else.

>>24569865
Chill, your mother just wants you to be happy.

>>24569854
>and not who you are as a person or your own past.

But how does one not draw the implication?
>How can these people tell me that it's only "human" or whatever to want to be in relationships if you are getting married as late as in your late 20s or early 30s to ME, the guy who was single all this time and they know it, infact they were parties to this fact. Am I supposed to believe I'm not human then? How do you reconcile this?

Instead of focusing on my purital spiraling or whatever I would like you or anyone else to answer the question I've posted here. You claim that this doesn't make me 'flawed' (your word not mine) , but then go on to claim that having those relationships is normal and human. Why can't you see your own contradictions?

>>24569865
If you don't think she's awesome, you're pathetic

>>24569873
>>24569881

No answer then. I see.

>>24568017
How do I become like her?

>>24569883
...because neither route is inhuman, anon. The past shouldn't matter at all for a partner, period. You dated? Fine. You didn't date? Also fine. Both are human. You get it?

>>24569828
I spit in your general direction, anon.

>>24569899

And that's not my issue to begin with. The past does matter but that's a different debate altogether. My issue is with the contradiction between what my mother expected of me as I grew up and the leeway she's willing to give my potential partner. I don't know how many times I have to repeat this before you get it and stop beating the dead horse of my "incel puritan views".

>>24569912
No one cares. Stop shitting up the thread.

>>24569899
>The past shouldn't matter at all for a partner, period.
NTA but if someone did something horrible in the past, shouldn't that matter?

>>24569912
>My issue is with the contradiction between what my mother expected of me as I grew up and the leeway she's willing to give my potential partner.
How do you not understand there is no link between the two? How she raised you is irrelevant for what kind of partner for you she'd be okay with, she just wants you to find someone, anyone.

Anyway I'm done with this discussion. Hope you get yourself sorted, find someone you can be happy with, and live happily ever after.

>>24569924
I just mean within the parameters of this discussion, the kind of activities previously referenced.

Who up void gazing

>>24569926
>How she raised you is irrelevant for what kind of partner for you she'd be okay with, she just wants you to find someone, anyone

What you are describing sounds very close to hypocrisy. Infact that's what it is. I don't know how you can decouple a parent's attitude towards their own child's relationships (or lack thereof) to how they expect everyone else to live their lives or their value on relationships in geberal. For all values are universal.

It seems to me that you are approaching this even more clouded by emotion than me. And I'm the one whose having shortness of breath here. Because you are not making any sense. I'm sorry but saying that my mother wants me happy doesn't cut it. I already know that but it doesn't change what was done to me in the past and what they expect of me now.

I like sticking stuff in my butt, but it's too much work most of the time and im lazy.

i WILL make progress in reading Gaddis' The Recognitions today

Pathetic.

>>24569964
Start diggin in you butt twin

>>24569012
Just young and immature, I'd been overseas for 3-4 years and she had just moved out of state away from family, friends for a new job. I met her while on a work trip and we spent a week tangled together. We stayed together long distance and after 5-6 months I came back out to see her for a few weeks. We fell in love but I was going to be gone for over a year before next time I saw her and after I left we just fell apart. We were both having a hard time dealing with distance, work, isolation.

i do not wish for a single new input from outside sources.

men that get aroused by the fact that existence is meaningless are my weakness

>>24570027
Women that have hairy armpits and don't wash their pussy are my weakness

>>24570036
did you ever perform cunnilingus on such pussies?

>>24567954 (OP)
Literally me

>>24570046
Yeah it smelled extremely natural and was very hairy, as if I was in the 1800s. It was one of my favorite moments of living

freezing your light
so I can touch it
so I can keep it
so I can put it
under my pillow

>>24570052
I once took out this 18 year old girl when I was about 26 and after we made out I kneeled down with her facing away from me, and my intent was to perform cunnilingus, but as I approached from behind, even through her pants, it was like someone opened a hot oven in my face except instead of heat it was musk. So I just kissed her ass a bit and kept standing up as if I never intended to perform the cunnilingus. Her bush was massive. I think I would have died if I had gone in there.

I'm not squeamish. I've eaten many period pussies, I've eaten chubby girls' pussies (not enjoyable), but that was too much. That was either my brush with death or my brush with destiny. Either way, I turned aside.

I desire to create art and gain recognition for the art created. Not simply as self gratifying stimulation, but as deeper communication through artistic expression.
But I also feel I don't have the right to inflict myself on others and anything that is the product of me is by default unworthy because to the very core of my being I am unworthy.
Even fully anonymized I never will release anything I work on because to take up someone's time, to take their effort and energy to engage with it, would be wrong. It would be stealing from them. It would be harming them.
But because internal motivation isn't enough I end up not finishing most projects because what is the point?
A communication to noone is pointless. Regardless of what is said it has no meaning.
Everything I do can be reduced to just screaming in a void.

>>24567954 (OP)

Some update here for anyone who's interested. So I balled my eyes out in front of my mom telling her everything. And she told me that she never dissapproved of me having a gf and asked me how is it her fault?She says she simply just assumed that it's not in my nature. She asked me that my sister never cries about being single, why am I not like her.

And now I'm back to square one. With no one left to blame but my own fate. I guess I could confront her about stabbing me in the thigh or hitting me so hard with a metal rod that I got swelling. But that would just hurt her and do nothing to change my past.

>>24570027
https://youtu.be/kkaOz48cq2g?si=wgJHf2AuEeml7MFo
Meaningless is meaningless

>>24570126
Finally, now you can move on and try to find someone. Good luck and godspeed!

a novel where the main character's best friend kills herself, and when no suicide note is found amongst her belongings, the quest to find it takes our main character through secret societies, homeless encampments, a high school chess club, internet imageboards, and more, encountering a motley cast of intriguing, surrealist characters. join Oedipa Ma-- er, Marge, no, Beatrice, in her quest to find answers.

The humble bumble stumble rumble jumble tumble crumble fumble all the time

>>24570126
NO ONE CARES YOU PATHETIC FAGGOT

>quit smoking weed every day
>suddenly start waking up at 8 AM every morning even though I don't set an alarm clock and even if I go to bed as late as 3 AM

>>24570170
I have similar feeling whenever I sleep in a hot room.

Doesn't matter how little sleep I got or what my alarm is set to. I will wake up around the same time of day and be unable to go back to sleep.
In my case it's probably because my body hits a certain temputure and goes
>nope
>sleep time deactivated

In your case it might be something like light levels in your room or stages of rem sleep normalizing.

>>24570126
I don't know the larger context from your earlier posts but in my experience, the best way to heal from situations involving abuse or badly tangled personality/mental disorders is to become bigger than them. You can't fix them from "inside." You can't get enough perspective on HOW to fix them from inside. You have to get distance, grow, and look back, so that your perspective is now big enough to encompass the whole thing, and then you might (and there's no guarantee) be able to see all the relevant dynamics.

It's amazing how many bad dynamics I trudged through for years, only to look back at them later, when I was more mature, and realize their complexity in ways I never would have been able to do while still mired in them. It's like going from a 2D perspective of something to a 3D perspective. Suddenly you can see how your behavior contributed to it, how you were partly at fault, but you can also see how truly mentally ill the truly mentally ill players in the situation were.

My mom for example is a wonderful woman in some ways but is also certifiably nuts and capable of being monstrously cruel. I spent many years trying to deal with that "from within" the situation, which was always going to be impossible. I tried confronting her, convincing her, everything. Nothing would ever have worked, because, as I can see now, she is not capable of going down those roads. The only roads we can go down together involve me carefully controlling the relationship so she just never has to flip into crazy mode, and putting safeguards in place to prevent it from happening. That's not ideal, but it's a lot more ideal than being in a death spiral with her forever like I was.

If there's real physical abuse in your situation, let alone stabbings and metal rod beatings, you need to get away from the situation no matter what. That's an instant non-negotiable sign that the situation is shit and you deserve distance and perspective.

>>24570145

I guess "move on" in the sense of realising that my parents are not the people I imagined them to be. Already knew that about my dad but now I'm realising I never knew my mom too. Anyway I'm done trying to please them or anyone else for that matter. There's this girl all of them like and she likes me too. Doesn't seem much of a whore. Maybe it could work out.

>>24570202
Love your parents back. And good, go for it.

Origen castrated himself. He later realized the verse about castration shouldn't be read literally.

I'm about to take a shower. I'll be naked in there and lathering myself up.

>>24570218
slut

>>24570199
>Suddenly you can see how your behavior contributed to it, how you were partly at fault, but you can also see how truly mentally ill the truly mentally ill players in the situation were

I can empathise with what you're saying. For the most part I've got my mom under control, as you put it. Infact I am partly instrumental to putting her out of some of her misery and brining her happiness. But I just cannot look at my past and not cry sometimes.

Bach
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpDaLZsZS4c

>>24570227
Kill yourself.

>>24567954 (OP)
I've decided to become an energy vampire as a hobby

>>24570269
You have always been one.

>>24570269
You will never be a real woman

>>24570247
>>24570294

Some women don't properly wipe. When they spread their cheeks you can see the poop they missed.

>>24570321
I was alarmed to discover this myself. You'd think the gender that devotes 95% of its time to being physically appealing and creating illusory auras of beauty would know to remove poop from self before sharing self.

>>24570326
Common toilet paper user L

Everyday is exactly the same

>>24567954 (OP)
I'm looking to make new long-term online friendships. I have ended two friendships with two long-time online "friends." They are losers, and I'm sick and tired of them.
One of them is a fat degenerate who makes AI music now, obsessing about it constantly. The music is cringe too, emo crap and fan pieces to FF7, Soulsborne, etc. Also, he sucked off a dog when he was younger and was in a relationship with a Jewish tranny.
Absolutely disgusting angloid fat autistic demon.

>>24570398
You aren't such a nice person yourself if how you vent after a friendship breaking down with someone, even if it was their fault and they genuinely sucked, is to shame and mock them and betray their secrets. Everybody is fucked up and everybody makes mistakes. Venting rage is never the solution, and if your brain ever learns the habit of justifying such venting to itself, so that it's okay to be utterly vicious in very narrow contexts, you are on the road to becoming a twisted person. You should always pull back from being vicious. Not just "even" in cases where the person deserves it, but especially in cases where your unconscious mind is trying to convince you "come on, just this once, he deserves it."

>>24570398
I love how you mention the dog fucking part last and first complain about his bad music. You sound like a lovely person.

>>24570405
I mean, I'm not that fucked up to do transgressive sexual crap, really.
Also, the shit cringe AI channel is the final straw, but admittedly, I should have ended before then.

>>24570405
Also, this is anonymous, and I'm not betraying anyone's secrets.

I just despise him down to the core. He is a loser who takes 10x the amount of time to even beat a game. For example, Hades was absolute garbage. It took him 200 hrs to beat ONE run. Also, I accidentally spoiled something, and he went haywire attacking me.
The only saving grace is he has VERY high verbal IQ. It's actually baffling how literate he is. We met via a Ligotti forum.

Also, the other person I broke friendship with I hate more. That one I want to humiliate and beat.

>>24570416
It's the instinct you should monitor. You should be deontological, not consequentialist, about this kind of thing. What's going on in your mind when you go "fuck Steve, that fucking loser fucks dogs anyway" to anonymous strangers? It's hatred and rage being vented, which can be valid occasionally, but it's being vented to punish, and it's being JUSTIFIED as such. This guy is so beyond the pale that he is a valid target for cruelty.

>“But thus I counsel you, my friends: Mistrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful. They are people of a low sort and stock; the hangmen and the bloodhound look out of their faces. Mistrust all who talk much of their justice! Verily, their souls lack more than honey. And when they call themselves the good and the just, do not forget that they would be pharisees, if only they had—power.” (Nietzsche)

>>24570425
>the irancuck is back
I remember you wailing about this over a year ago, what's wrong with you? I hope Israel at least killed a few of the animals you call family members.

>>24570431
At least animals are sentient beings unlike you heebs. Kourosh made a mistake freeing your ancestors from Babylonian captivity. Hopefully his tomb will be decorated with your corpses one day, k-e.

I sometimes have dreams where I am insane ill try to explain it:

Basically I see something and it would change. One dream i was in the car with my parents and buildings would switch from the left to right side and vice versa.

Today I had a dream that was much more in depth. Like people would be changed as well as conversations in general. Literally every aspect of the world would be warped but nobody in the dream would be on my side.

I looked on reddit and saw one guy who had this same dream concept happen.

>>24570430
I don't think it matters if Jews and classless vulgar people suffer. They are undeserving of moral consideration. I live for higher ideals, and not your sappy sanctimonious bullshit.
This is why I am looking to make new intelligent friends. It's so hard to make friends.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/iqUnavNqJpA

I've been married for over 10 years with no children. A species that can give rise to something as disgusting, detestable, and ugly as a Jew is unworthy of further perpetuating.

It’s horrible feeling like you have so little value that what you say doesn’t even merit a response. Like you don’t even qualify as being worth talking to like a normal person.

>>24570470
Indulge in this LARP if you want but you'll be full-blown paranoid schizophrenic by 40-50, trust me. Being this wound up and bitter inside, even plastering over it with ironic self-awareness, eventually causes a snap, and the thin veneer of irony just dissolves.

I need a free use slut gf

Wild

>>24570504
Funny how you choose to patronize me rather than the Jew condoning genocide of Persians. Way to out yourself, heeb. Also, I'm not being ironic when I said TKD.

>>24570528
What is?

>>24570493
You told us the reason you have no children. And it has nothing to do with jews

>>24568901

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH STOP TALKING ABOUT JEWS GO TO /pol/

ITS LIKE A FUCKING WATER DRIP TORTURE METHOD

>>24570556
You are not going to enjoy the next 10 years

>>24570539
You

>>24570563
How?

>>24570569
In every way

>>24570574
Because I asked you what you meant?

>>24570577
Idk what exactly I meant if I am being honest

>>24570581
Wild

>>24570601
What is?

>>24570542
I don't want kids, mainly because of ecological concerns and a general misanthropy. I consider Jews to be amplified representations of the worst aspects of the human psyche.

>>24570563
>>24570569
>>24570574
>>24570577
>>24570581
>>24570601
These threads need to be banned again at this point. Shut the fuck up and take it to discord you fucking fags

>>24570638
Let's not pay attention to the discord fags

>>24570638
Oh no the discord mod is angered

>>24570638
>gatekeeping anonymous threads
Nigger, what are you doing? Who is you?

>>24570638
This thread proves that 4chan and Reddit become one in a horseshoe of vapidity.

>>24570652
These threads are WRITE WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND, not talk to anonymous users like they’re your discord e-kittens

>thinking of my cowardice in my late teens-early twenties

So things that feel dark literally do drag us down by making the soul heavier and pulling it closer to the abyss. Makes sense.

I wish it was the 60s wish we could be happy

I have ruined myself by indulging in my curiosity.

>>24570937
Of which century? I was thinking of the 560s.

What's our take on Long COVID? I'll admit that I'm skeptical, but it also doesn't seem like a coincidence that I've simultaneously developed tinnitus, pain in every major joint, a long with reduced sense of smell and taste. I'm not even thirty and absolutely did not expect to be having this many somatic issues this early in life

otherwise healthy, active, healthy weight etc

>>24567954 (OP)
What I like most about The Portrait of Dorian Gray is the final scene. When he sees the fruit of his redemption. It was a beautiful, devilish scene.
>>24569971
Is punpun a good manga?

>>24570906
My soul is already in the moor

>>24571042
>redemption
He doesn't redeem himself though?

>>24571044
Same

>>24571046
I didn't want to spoil anything, dunce.

>>24571139
>spoil
The novel is over a hundred years old.

I'm alive two years longer than I should be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16_9mBUCf_c

There is a non-zero chance that at least one guy with Downs syndrome uses or has used 4chan.

>>24571223
That anons name? Mebert Istein

A tragedy, when god and garbage becomes interchangeable.

>>24571148
My lack of self control is my fault, my inaction is my fault, my mental pathologies are my fault.
Demons don't exist, Shadow people don't exist.

>>24571270
>Demons don't exist, Shadow people don't exist.
You're wrong about this but the other part is right.

>>24571001
What did you do?

>>24571009
I was thinking -32,000

>>24571272
I disagree, but we can talk about it, if you want. However the post was just a series of assertions to temporarily combat my paranoid and superstitious tendencies, more than a specific dictamination of reality.

>>24571286
Yeah paranoia and superstition can invite them in, don't do that. Demons and shadow people are responsible for very few of humanity's problems.

>>24571279
What happened in 32060s BC?

>>24571303
Why do you believe they exist?

>>24571338
Because I'm psychotic enough to see them sometimes

I'm tired of women doing falsetto.

>>24571036
I rather not think about it.

>>24571341
And how do you know what you see is real? If I always trusted my intuitions I'd probably have decked some poor person on the street for having the imprudence of making an odd noise while passing next to me.

>>24571360
Because they can predict future events in a way that suggests they are right about linear progressive time being more of an illusion than they are

kinda crazy prostitution is illegal. it's the oldest profession, besides being a mercenary. it's disrespectful to the concept, and more importantly, mother Nature.

>>24567954 (OP)
Why is my promotion training teaching me that sex and gender are different

>>24571798
it's illegal on paper, otherwise it's completely ok if you're hiring hookers and you def won't get into any problems

Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.

New gf and I just had a casual chat about a mutual friend who ended things with his fiancee cuz she lied about some shit that happened early on in their relationship that only came out
>say it's so fucked up she lied about shit
>she then thinks for a while and says "imagine us hypothetically of course where years down the line you find out something about me but it's not that I lied but that I just didn't mention it, how would you handle that situation"
>I got WTF and tell her what she isn't telling me
>she laughs and says haha never mind and changes the topic
What the actual fuck?? can you explain this behavior? Am I in big trouble bros

I playfully grabbed his arm and held it down above his head, said he is at my mercy now, I could harvest his organs or sexually exploit him if I felt like it. He got hard instantly.
I pulled him on top of me, kissed him and grabbed his dick, squeezed it and rubbed it on my body. He was already running late, but I pulled my panties down and put him inside just to tease him. He had to leave, so we never got to finish what we started.
Why am I so horny, I keep thinking about using his hard cock.

I want to smoke SO BADLY. Every time i see a pic of someone smoking a cigarette I decide I'll go buy a pack of Marlboro reds then I get to the shop and my moral conscience overrules me and I don't do it

since no one else is doing it,
new
>>24572475
>>24572475
new