My parents are religious but they basically use religion as a battering ram to start fights rather than something actually spiritual so I was Atheist for a long time. During my formative years I was actually pretty funny and laidback so I got along well with people. Unfortunately as I graduated most of my friends lost interest in me as I became more focused on religion and my few religious friends were the Evangelical types who love Israel and think philosophy is a sin.

I now have no passions outside of studying religions and esoteric philosophies. I'd be set for life if I listen to my parents and they'd probably find me a woman but that would mean forcing myself into the spiritual black hole I grew up in and I don't get along well with most women. Even religious people here don't really give a fuck about metaphysics and the meaning of life.

I had a project in life that I transformed into something related to this and that's the only thing I want to talk about. Most of the friends I had were secular and don't care about it anymore and while I'm no longer suicidal I don't really see any hope of me having friends or continuing this project since I don't know how to work without external feedback to keep my ideas and work in check. How could I find such friends able to work this type of stuff with? Or how do I make myself function without friends so I can actually work towards the goals I want instead of being a lonely autist whose parents are disappointed in me?