I don't like the way I look or sound or talk or behave or understand or think or live, what should I do

I'm a fake normie and I'm a fake tranny, I'm a boring virgin prude and a hedonistic pervert, I'm a faggot and a cisoid,im boring and I'm interesting in the worst ways,

How do I deal with being a walking contradiction? Espacially one that's lame whatever way he tries.

How do I truly know if my intentions are my true self expression or if I'm just a repugnant incel looking for an easy way out?

How do I really know if im a twink faggot or am I just so desperate for attention from others that I will settle with mingling with the opposite gender

wtf haruspex?