TL;DR: I'm a 31yo autistic KHHV, looking to turn his life around, get wife, have kids. How do?

Give me a few minutes to unload my All that Shit that No One Will Read wall of text.

## The Holiday

Six weeks back my sister and I had a little holiday in the area where we grew up.
Things were fine until we had a semi-planned meetup with my aunt and uncle,
picking up my dad's things that my paternal grandparents, who both died earlier
this year but we were estranged to for the past twenty years, had been keeping.
The next day we went for a curry with my old group of friends, and I got a bit
carried away at the end when my crush of 18 years offered me a hug.
The day after, the news came through that a further someone in the area had died.
This guy's been a supporting pillar in my life, but was old and suffering from
dementia for the past five years. I'd only got confirmation that he was still
knocking about a few days prior. We attended a little get-together on the same
day in his memory.

## Holiday Aftermath

That holiday broke me in a way, that I'm still picking up the pieces to this day.
It's put my mortality — the transient nature of one's life — front and centre.
And it feels fucking short.
I imagine myself at age 60, looking back at my life, where the best days are
behind me and all that's left to do is dot the Is and cross the Ts, and wonder
what I'll see.
It's given me a new direction in life:
- Live life as though you'll die at 60
- Live life without regret
and I believe my biggest regret in life would be, were I to remain single and
childless.

## Before the Holiday

Before the holiday I just accepted, that I was a dud.
I accepted that I'd be the last man in this male lineage and sought to fill my
life otherwise.
I don't think I can do that anymore.