how has drugs changed you mentally?
i have the feeling i've always had some sort of affinity for emotions that are stronger than what the average sober person can feel and drugs have only confirmed some of my suspisions
sometimes when i dissociate i just feel things i cant really explain, some profound sadness that somehow feels good
and now after having started on drugs i feel these ways even more often than before
and now all of a sudden i cant trip anymore and get some kind of seizure or something when i try i dont know how to explain it
sometimes i feel so strongly that i cant help but try to just reach out to other people for help but i can never really put it into words that matter
i feel like i just wanna fucking melt, i wish there was someone who fucking understood, i wish there was someone who could explain some things, like why on psychedelics everything feels like its glowing a golden light brighter than everything else, why drugs suddenly make it feel like boiling oil is being poured over my brain and make me feel like static is covering everything now even though they worked fine before
why did i have to be shown whats beyond the veil and then suddenly be closed off from all of it
sometimes when i think it might mean i'm damned to hell when i die i just cant handle it
i so badly want to just take the risk of making my life shit and seizing on the ground for hours to chance at tripping on psychedelics or dissociatives again