The last 2 years I've been spiraling into a depression to the point that now I barely eat or go outside and nothing feels amusing anymore. I tried texting my friends to maybe start a conversation but they ignore me or something probably think I'm anoying. I've been paranoid thinking cameras are watching me my sleep schedule is destroyed, I'm worthless. I would have rather been born as a girl, I've cut myself. I want to kill myself so badly the only things keeping me from doing it are the pain, I'm scared of dying and what if I fail, I don't want to be locked up. It will only take me going over the edge a little further and I'l do it, I don't care about how sad my relatives will be I just want to not have to live like this and I'm scared to ask for help because it seems like the end of the world.