>enemies are throwing gas grenades!
Whoops, hold on. Let me shave my cheeks real quick, I can't put my gas mask on with a 5 o clock shadow. (Who the fuck gives their soldiers gas masks? They're sending us to our deaths, they don't give a shit about us, they don't give us shit)
>Enemies are coming from all sides, we're so screwed! They're going to fuck us
Woah, hold on! I haven't shaved my ass since yesterday, can't let the enemies fuck my ass with a 5 o clock shadow.

Fucking baby faced shavemen. Baby men.
Baby waby naby maybe men.
Facial hair makes people look mature and beautiful. Do you want to be a fucking woman?
>Colonel wait! I'm having my ass shaved! Don't come in yet!
>Major, no! Don't open the door! I'm making sure my cheeks are baby butt smooth. Which cheeks you ask? Well, isn't it obvious?
>WE'RE MEN! MAN UP! GO SHAVE YOUR CHEEKS SO THEY'LL BE SMOOTHER THAN A WOMAN'S!
Jesus, it's ridiculous! It's obvious why people aren't shaved anymore. We're smarter than our grandfathers. And if you doubt that, then let me remind you that your grandparents were:
-probably forced into marriage
-believed in god
-had kids (why the fuck would you bring another person in this shit world?)
-shaved
And of course
-fucking stupid. They can't even turn on a fucking phone.

So, if you see shaved people and you don't recognize if they're certified geniuses of some sort, then please, assume they're fucking stupid and acknowledge their ugliness.