OP here, thanks for your replies guys. i went to training tonight and decided i'd be brave and asked the other people if they wanted to go for a beer afterwards. because of my low self-esteem i fully expected them to politely decline while actually thinking "fuck no", like i genuinely almost asked it half-jokingly. much to my surprise everyone actually really wanted to go. i ended up having one of the nicest evenings i've had in a while and getting to know people i already see regularly way better, we're gonna do it again after our next training. i'm really happy i took the initiative and feeling somewhat like maybe just maybe everything is gonna be okay actually. maybe this is hopefuel, in any case i'm happy. :)