I've been struggling with myself since a breakup I had almost a month ago.

Since age 11, I've been looking at porn and masturbating. At 19, I lost my virginity and began dating non-stop throughout my 20s. Not going more than a few months without fucking my LTR at the time, one after the other.

Now that I'm in my 30's, I'm realizing that all we've been doing is masturbating each other, it was all the pursuit of lust. I may have met their parents, talked about what our babies' names would be, but all of those girls were on birth control before they even met me, and wouldn't get off unless we married, which I could barely consider doing in my 20's, being a broke college student and post-college.

I feel like I wasn't able to accomplish anything of note besides a bachelor degree, a good job that I've lost. I've had so many dreams of creative projects that I let fall on the floor throughout these years. Worrying about my girlfriend/ex girlfriend, thinking of where my next pussy was going to be, or if I'd need to use my hand.

I'm in my mid-30's now and my libido isn't as high, I've dated 2 girls in their early 20's in the past couple of years and I tell them I want to marry. One said yes, but it didn't work out,.

The last one, the one who broke up with me almost a month ago, told me she wasn't ready for such a serious relationship and wanted to focus on her studies. Which I half believe, she is very dedicated, and it made me starting thinking about how I haven't been nearly as dedicated, and that I want to become as dedicated as she might be. She said she loved me deeply.

How do I break out of this sexual prison? I have a business I've been trying to start, an art project I've been trying to work on that will be shown in an exhibit, but all I can think about is hitting the street and finding my next woman, or going on /gif/ like I have been for the last 16 years.

Am I thinking too deeply about it?