>>40056643
>Difficult, it absolutely is the polar opposite of what you need (a listening ear/supportive friends)
I don't know if that's the kind of luxury I can count on anymore, never seems like it's never the right time to try and live my life.
Not until I am truly independent.

>Having lived in a small town myself it's isolating as hell when everyone knows everyone and you feel like you can't really trust people to keep what you told them to yourself
The city is obviously expensive and stressful but I'm tired of always being considered a liability to my family or anyone connected to me.

If I could, I would change my name and go low profile FOREVER but my siblings need me more than ever now.

>Though it sounds like you do have friends around generally, right? Do you trust their confidentiality?
I generally trust them, I just don't trust people in general anymore.
It feels like I'm always being watched and judged everywhere I go.
I don't want to lose what little I have.

>Because then, it would be a good idea to feel out how much openness they are comfy with. That is generally a great dialogue to have
I have one person I am very open with, mainly due to the fact they do not live anywhere near my family or extended family.

>That is true. Do you suffer a lot of family drama, for example?
Yes, not to plead for sympathy but yeah.
Things are always happening around me and I have no power to fix or stop it.

It's a constant background noise in my life, most of the time I look over my shoulder out of paranoia for all the nonsense connected to my family.

It's part of my reason for wanting to be alone, I can hardly tell who's listening or not anymore.

I just want my family to be settled financially, I don't care about making anybody proud to know me anymore.
I'm done trying to be anything anymore.