>>81540140
I dissociated away from my emotions since I was a boy, for all my life I was basically a stone faced unfeeling robot but it's like I've come back online recently. My chest is so tight and heavy and I looked into a mirror and couldn't stop staring at my expressions. I saw this web article about an Indian boy who ate something he was allergic too and he passed away in the hospital and tears welled up in my eyes as I said poor baby. I've never felt anything like this before, it's like all these emotions are new to me and I can't stop. I was cooking dinner for myself and tears welled up in my eyes even though I felt fine. I can't watch or play anything violent because it hurts my chest and when I talk to people irl its like we get tangled together into this weird connected knot in my head as we talk instead of the usual scripted actions and zoning out. When I feel anger, it's so potent that Its like I'm on fire and I have to crouch down for a second and regain my composure. Theres so much wonderment as well, I've suddenly started just consuming knowledge about plants and botany and all of it feels so fantastical after so many years of grey unfeeling nothing.

I can't stop it. These feelings keep happening and they won't go back inside of me even as I try and shove them in. All of my old tactics aren't working and it's like I've just spawned in as a lvl 1 character in an MMO where everyone's already at max level. Its too stimulating and everything is so much painful, anon. Every mean word cuts like a knife and every kindness fills me with so much ectsasy it makes me want to cry. I don't know why any of this happened, it just sort of did after nothing for 29 years. That's it though, anon. You don't have to say anything.