Just graduated college and nothing’s really worked out how I hoped. High School especially, but also college to some degree, were rough for me socially. Barely got attention from guys most of my life. Started getting some over the past year, but it's mostly been disasters. One dude was a Letterboxd freak who tried to touch me, stood me up, and publicly wrote weird, angry stuff about me on his account. Tried Hinge—been on multiple dates recently and they’ve all been awful. One guy got mad at me for not thinking Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure is deep art and “representative of the human condition” and then started playing alone on a playground mid-date.
I’ve moved back to my hometown and have been doing a 9 to 5 ever since graduation. I tried auditioning for a band and signing up for an art class to make life feel less mind numbing, but the band rejected me and the class guy never replied. I've tried using bumble bff but I don't have much time to text so most people lose interest quickly. I live with an alcoholic dad who screams at me and puts me down, and the house is literally full of black mold. I kind of had a couple of friends in college (none that really returned my efforts fully), but here, I have pretty much nobody except for one person who I rarely ever see. I had to break up with my ex of a few months before leaving my college town, partially because of the move. He was really the only guy I’ve ever gone out with who I felt was decent and with who there was a mutual effort involved at the very least. I tried messaging him recently and it wasn’t a bad conversation but it felt very sterile—almost like he never actually cared in the first place.
Just feel like I’m rotting in a cubicle for 8 hours a day, living in a horrible house, with no hope of ever having a proper boyfriend or even my own apartment (with the rent prices around where I live). I know this sounds dramatic but I seriously don’t know what I’m doing. I feel completely cooked.