37f It seems like most of the men I've been with over the course of my life have suffered from something I will call: "pleasure synchronization bias" when it comes to both relationships and sex. I've been trying to find a psychological term for this phenomina, and despite it being a fairly common experience for many women, there isn't one...so I basically made up my own term.

Basically it's this: as a woman you are having sex with a man, he's hard and seemingly having a good time. You're not very turned on, and some aspects of the sex may feel painful or weird. You explain this, but it doesn't seem to register. Your expression of disinterest is not seen by him, and worse still, your expression of pain is misinterpreted as moans of pleasure. You may have sex a few more times, but he doesn't really want to do the things you suggest because they aren't "hot"to him. You pretty much never orgasm and he doesn't seem to notice.

This all sounds like a very selfish thing to do on the man's part, but let's say that he is a good guy in many other ways, but he seems to have a major disconnect when it comes to this one issue. It almost doesn't seem like it's a choice, like when he is very turned on, he literally projects that experience onto you and is unable to see your experience as separate from his experience in that moment.

And this problem seems to extend to other interpersonal experiences as well. For example, if a guy has a crush on a barista, he often misinterprets her smiles and politeness as reciprocal sexual interest. This is a really common problem that many women complain of.

What leads guys to be like this? Does it come from being brainwashed by porn? Or do men actually not understand that woman are their own people with a separate experience of the world?

Please explain. Genuinely curious.