So uhh, been away for two/three days doing an army assessment centre (which I went into thinking it would just be a way to kill a few days and would put me off the whole thing).
However, i've come to the unfortunate realisation that I am actually just really good at the whole military thing.
82 on my cognitive test (average is about 50 apparently), 10.2 bleep test (last person in my group to drop off), everything (which I guess I knew).
It feels weird because this is the first time I've felt like I was excelling at something for years, and of course, that makes me want to keep going.
I think the only way I'm going to kill this urge is to actually just keep trying at it until I'm physically stopped (be that HRT or physical changes outing me or otherwise). I promise those who know I'm not falling back into repping, I staunchly refuse to stop HRT, but this feels like the one thing I'm good at and unfortunately, I am interested in the subject matter and think at least once outed HRT is workable within that (really training while on HRT would be the only hurdle) it's not like I'm trying to join the infantry or anything.
>>40121202
>You definitely need to really push yourself out of your comfort zone there I suppose.
I guess it feels odd that my comfort zone is the military. Ended up falling a bit into transremorse for half a day or so, bc if I weren't trans, this would be such an easy decision.
>Is it the eternal paradox of people looking for new hires with X years of experience
A bit of that, but also just not a lot of companies doing it, and so they can be picky about hiring heavily experienced design engineers.
I feel like I regret my choice of words in >>40089257 because at least some of my thoughts are just that I should do this because I'm good at it, and unfortunately, do enjoy a fair few parts of it.
I don't feel I'll be confident girlmoding until over a year HRT anyway and so i'm sort of "well what the fuck i'm basically repping anyway so why not get it done"