Op here,

I'm still so conflicted over all of this, I feel like there's a stone in my mouth. She's noticed that I've not been as affectionate. When I'm at work or at the store I've noticed that I'm looking at other women just almost scientifically or medically to compare and I just don't understand how she is so different and why I find most girls my or her age way more appealing than her.

I'm so upset at myself for letting it get this far and not just stopping it at the beginning. I went along with everything and just had fun and now I have really messed up a girl for life.

I can't just look at her and say: " yes, you've done everything I've asked and you have all the right beliefs and traits, but because of the way you look this isn't going to work out." So I'm just here drifting in this relationship now. I feel so bad taking so much from her and leaving her so damaged, this really is a horrible crime and sin that I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. I'm so sorry to her.