I’m not advocating that VTubers shouldn’t have private lives or basic human relationships. Everyone deserves personal happiness. However, when a VTuber chooses to present themselves in a way that clearly invites parasocial attachment—leaning into “idol-like” behavior, flirting, calling fans their “boyfriends,” or even crafting content that hinges on emotional intimacy—then they are entering into a unique social contract with their audience. It's a performance, yes—but one that directly profits from the illusion of availability and emotional exclusivity.

This isn't unprecedented. Japanese idol culture has long operated under this principle: while it’s imperfect and controversial, the logic is simple. The image of purity or emotional availability is a central part of the appeal. When that image is contradicted—say, through a revealed romantic relationship—it doesn’t just "break the illusion"; it invalidates the emotional investment many fans have made. Not because those fans “own” the VTuber, but because their trust was built on what now feels like a false foundation.

VTubers are not forced to build this kind of fanbase. Many successful streamers avoid this kind of intimacy and still thrive. But if a VTuber intentionally leans into it—accepting money, gifts, and unwavering attention from lonely fans while building the fantasy of availability—then they should at least acknowledge the consequences when they act in ways that undermine that fantasy.

The real issue is consent of the illusion. Fans are told, directly or indirectly, “this is a safe space for you to dream, to feel appreciated, even loved.” And when those fans find out that it was never genuine—that while they were emotionally (and often financially) investing in someone who played the part of “your virtual girlfriend,” she was in a relationship the whole time—it feels like betrayal. Not of ownership, but of trust.