I started fixing my life at 34 years old but i don't know if i will make it, i lost weight, i got fit, i improved my mental health, i have a stable job with a decent wage, i've got a head full of hair and a face that can pass for 20 something years old guy, but i will never get my younger years and the lack of experience everyone had during that age back, i never had a girlfriend, i completely pissed my 20s away due to NEETdom and mental illness and only now i started to experience life. I feel like i'm a fucking teenager stuck in an older body.
My thoughts constantly jump between "we are so back" and "it's fucking over, i NEED to kill myself now", and i know that this shit is in my mind and objective reality is completely different from it but somehow i can't accept it, that shit just torments me