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6/28/2025, 6:29:36 AM
Teng here, got a viper pic done
ThisIsAReal, idk if you're still lurking here but finally got around to reading latest VNFF chapter. my thoughts/feedback:
Overall escalating the situation and adding this tension good at this point in the story I think.
Showing the tension between races even among the criminal element is a good touch.
I think during the stake out you pingpong'd the tone too much. I think I've seen this pitfall a lot in romance stuff where writers may feel a need to always inject the romantic undertones even when its not necessary. Its a tense situation and the characters realize they are in possible mortal peril, These bits feel out of place:
>It was strange seeing her plan something out like this. I'd never seen much of this strategic side of her, but I liked it.
>tay going from panicking to wanting to make out
>The admission about file snooping
>"Crawl? What is this? Boot camp?!"
This badly diffuses the tension. Saving all this for the catharsis after surviving it is better
Going off that: the scene after where they're emotionally raw and exposing their feelings is good! I do think painting the scene a little more when they are together talking things out would be good. You've got a little but I think a bit more would go a long way in having it feel more alive. Emotions are heightened, all sorts of little details stick out in those moments; color of the room or the light, the feel or smell of things. idk what you would want to go with there, but something.
>"Woah... uh pog."
Plz no
>>8880100
Man the art style is good but wish it was an on-model elite and not a tit-monster
>>8880204
that's some nice coloring/rendering
>>8872885
that's not a bad idea. I'll try to remember to do that
ThisIsAReal, idk if you're still lurking here but finally got around to reading latest VNFF chapter. my thoughts/feedback:
Overall escalating the situation and adding this tension good at this point in the story I think.
Showing the tension between races even among the criminal element is a good touch.
I think during the stake out you pingpong'd the tone too much. I think I've seen this pitfall a lot in romance stuff where writers may feel a need to always inject the romantic undertones even when its not necessary. Its a tense situation and the characters realize they are in possible mortal peril, These bits feel out of place:
>It was strange seeing her plan something out like this. I'd never seen much of this strategic side of her, but I liked it.
>tay going from panicking to wanting to make out
>The admission about file snooping
>"Crawl? What is this? Boot camp?!"
This badly diffuses the tension. Saving all this for the catharsis after surviving it is better
Going off that: the scene after where they're emotionally raw and exposing their feelings is good! I do think painting the scene a little more when they are together talking things out would be good. You've got a little but I think a bit more would go a long way in having it feel more alive. Emotions are heightened, all sorts of little details stick out in those moments; color of the room or the light, the feel or smell of things. idk what you would want to go with there, but something.
>"Woah... uh pog."
Plz no
>>8880100
Man the art style is good but wish it was an on-model elite and not a tit-monster
>>8880204
that's some nice coloring/rendering
>>8872885
that's not a bad idea. I'll try to remember to do that
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