>>40306562
Hope you’ve been getting some good rest in as well, siganon. Sometimes you just gotta snooze or zone out for a while to keep your batteries from hitting 0.
>Is there something you need to hear from someone else to make it easier to do?
It’s kind of you to offer. Being honest I don’t know what I need at all anymore.
It’s like I’m trudging through the same old feelings again, over and over.
It’s not for lack of trying new approaches either, I guess it’s more like there’s something inside of me that’s broken that I never really have the time or skills to fix.

I slept two days in a row again because I wore myself out from exercise and activities in the weekend.
I’m trying to eat but all I’ve been getting in is yoghurt and soup and peanuts, and for some reason I have to spend hours convincing myself to do it.
I arranged to speak to a friend through discord who wanted to help, then… Suddenly felt like I shouldn’t tell them. Like they were the wrong person to confide in because my feelings were too extreme or disgusting.
I’ve been afraid of going home to my parents again even though my mom frequently writes me.
I’ve been feeling a need for erasing all memories of anyone who has ever known me, as a means of survival.
I’ve been feeling like changing my name.

I don’t know.
Rationally speaking I think I might be in a state of shock that hasn’t quite developed into full-blown depersonalisation or derealisation yet.
I’m sorry for blabbering on.
Take care until next time.