Trying and trying and trying Edition
previous: >>40270482 (died, please check for replies if you posted)

Goal of the thread: Name a personality trait you value in other people, and a way it manifests in their actions. What could you do that would embody the same trait?
Daily goals can be repeated. Remember to keep score, it can only go up!

>What is this thread for?
Getting better is hard, and sucks. A lot. It does not get easier doing it alone.
Share resources and experiences with combating depression, anxiety, personal issues, achieving or maintaining a healthy weight, etc.
>Why is this thread /lgbt/?
Struggles with mental and physical health are an indisputable part of /lgbt/ life, be it from dysphoria, social pressure, heartbreak, or just unfortunate lifestyle choices.
>Notes to consider:
Please be civil. Shame is your greatest enemy in fighting urges of self abuse (be it sh, drugs, or just self deprecation). Relapsing into bad and unhealthy habits is to be expected, the goal is to increase the average amount of time it takes between relapses. Any improvement is a victory no matter how small. Your worth and right to get better are non-negotiable. And most importantly:
WE ARE NOT THERAPISTS, WE DON'T REPLACE MEDICATION
>Note on advice
Generic advice won't necessarily help you in particular, but for those it does it is an essential foundation to build future progress on, not a miracle cure. Do not underestimate the effects subtle changes to your lifestyle can have. Try first, keep us posted on your progress, build from there.

We are *always* short on self help resources, so if anything was useful to you, let us know!
Since the OP is getting too long I moved all resources into their own post, see below!

## RESOURCE LINKS:

Resource link paste: https://sntry.cc/sig-resources-2024-04
General advice from Anons: https://sntry.cc/sig-tips-2024-04
Posts from other sites (markdown format): https://sntry.cc/sig-posts-2024-04

NEWCOMERS PLEASE READ!
This general is slow. However, unlike many generals, it is carefully curated by a dedicated Anon (me) who makes an effort that no post goes unreplied if he can find something helpful to say. This means that, should a thread die before your post was replied to, he will go back and cross-reference it in the next thread. You can follow cross references to archived threads using the 4chanx extension (ask if you need to know more) or manually search https://archived.moe. If you don't wanna deal with that, OP will gladly refer you to the reply if requested to.

Also: I am currently working on an FAQ to try help people with onboarding. I haven't had the time yet to write one up but I take suggestions.

Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

>>40313385 (OP)
is it bad to only find motivation to improve yourself when you meet someone or have someone in your life?

>>40305781
>Welcome back anon. Would you like me to pull up your last post and reply to see if there was something perhaps of interest to you in the last response?
If I genuinely can't remember it no need it probably wasnt important
>You want to change. And I have faith in you, genuinely. I will gladly take your hand and help pick up the pieces.
I'm not sure I deserve this kindness or grace but I do want to change and even if I don't believe I deserve anything I want it and that's enough I think.
>>40313600
Wanting to improve because someones in your life isn't inherently bad the people in our lives should make us want to be better. Problems can arise from if it's just with the intent of being with someone or specifically doing things so that you'll feel like someone likes you, it can lead to a lot of codependency issues. The codependency part is something I would say you should do your own look into though since only you can really answer that for yourself. Wish I remembered the book I had read on it when I was younger since it was very helpful for identifying those tendencies in myself.

>another day where i post lewds on 4chan
It doesn't even really feel good

>>40314450
so why do it

I downloaded this app called ScreenZen (not shilling btw) which I am supposed to use to reduce screen time on my phone specifically. I put the most passive-aggressive messages for when I try to visit a porn site, for example.

low energy tonight, sorry.

>>40313385 (OP)
I lost 40kg so far, today I ran 3km then walked about 5km. I bought a flat since I last posted here and managed to keep me job lol. Still kinda fat though and no trans gf :(

>>40316445
Sleep and recuperate well. I’m doing the same

Be safe everyone and good night

>>40316936
you too, thanks

>>40305586
>Trust me that, as much as it makes sense to you right now, it is not going to help you with your goals to remain steadfast in it
>Do you mean romantic relationships
Absolutely, I'm done trying to be worthy of love on that level.
Nothing I can do can make this romance stuff work out. I don't know a single person in my personal life with healthy love life, emotional or physical. Not gonna risk it.

>or platonic ones too?
No not really, I'm not sure I'll give up on those specifically at this stage.
It's hard to maintain them but these are still very valuable to me.

>Ahh.. fear of abandonment.
Yes.
Both in an emotional/support structure way and in a sense that I fear becoming homeless.
I am flat broke and I have nowhere else to turn to.

>Not a healthy outlook, Anon. Especially with family. A lot of families can have very.. interesting views they instill on their children, but I need you to understand that people consciously put other people on this earth aware that they will have to take care of them for about two decades
I'm past two decades, in my country there's no real legal or social requirement for them to deal with me for this long.
I'm a living at the mercy of people that just don't need me, no matter how they may feel.
I am objectively unuseful.

>This is not a debt you accrue it is the price that (ideally) two consenting adults were willing to pay for a gacha pull
I suppose though, I don't think most adults consider this kind of thing.
In any case, it's too late now...I'm already here.
I don't know if I can become a return on investment.

as always sleep tight and have a happy dreams mr sig

Bump. I'm too tired to like actually post.
Rearranged my room, did my laser consult, first session in like 2 days, that's something I guess. I miss the gym.
I'm still lamenting my just atrophied if not non existent mental muscles with regards to relationships. Maybe its avoidant attachment or whatever but whenever someone expressed any interest in me my mind just runs, it stops working.
It's probably problematic but I keep fantasizing about being physically broken in some way, I have moderate knee pain from some sort of work sprain that I keep refusing to see anyone about but it's because I want it to keep hurting.

>Hm. Can I interest you in a channel anoter Anon recommended me earlier? I would love to have more eyes on it and hear people's opinions. And it might have topics that seem strongly related to what you are going through. Issue is the videos are 40 mins a piece
Yes sure, that would be helpful if you believe it would be helpful.
What's the name of the channel?

>>40319091
>>40305586

I've completely kicked the processed food and I'm having really bad cravings. I'm losing weight and feel better, but my body and brain are screaming for fat, salt, sweet food and easy carbs. Maddening.

I'm finally eating well again to try and escape skellymoding cooking lots of tasty food, also cuddled with a boy and he called me cute

bump

Buummppp

BLACK EXCELLENCE THREAD, WE NEED TO STAY HEALTHY!

i need serious motivation and like a breakthrough to do a couple things that I need to do in my life namely, buy my hrt, laser and maybe an epilator Beyond that, buy clothes but I dont even know my size

>>40321979
Buy HRT first, it's like a 10 minute task (longer of you have to mess around with crypto) and once you do you'll probably feel more motivated to do the other stuff.

>>40321988
yes its the crypto part
I need like anxiety support? Idk whats wrong with me lol
im running out and I need it asap but my mind is like
>eh do it tmr
dumb ass IT IS ALREADY A WEEK AFTER YOU SAID TMR

>>40305586
>What I mean is, you said you suddenly find yourself with more time in your hands than anticipated, right? I am trying to figure out whether it is because life is unpredictable (think: a doctor moving an appointment, other people's schedules clashing)
>or if it is something that is more in your control (personal schedule)
It is a combination of my lack of employment and my dopamine fried brain.
I know part of it is in my control but I have a hard time keeping myself on a leash.

>You probably are too survival brained right now for it. I can assure you that passion is something you can recultivate though, if it helps. It won't be lost for good
I want to be able to give attention to my passion consistently at least by the time I am 28 years old.
I might be too old to be a real artist but I would be nice to be good at something I like if I'm going to toil away for most of my life anyway.

>>40321988
Whats with trannies and buying hrt with crypto

>>40322115
convenient currency?

>>40322115
all european diy vendors I've seen only accept crypto :( I used to buy non-diy stuff with simple bank transfer because buying crypto is pita where I live but I feel like sellers have gotten more and more paranoid

>>40319217
>I'm finally eating well again
I'm glad you've been eating well! It's also good you're cooking tasty stuff you enjoy.
>also cuddled with a boy and he called me cute
cute! what was he like?

>>40323061
(non-diy as in non-homebrew)

i've been making more ramen recently. tossing in things to improving my cooking ability, its starting to taste quite nice. still need to clean my room that looks like a hikikomori despite the fact i do go outside.

meeting a new friend on thursday. for living in terf island i think things are on the up

>>40323093
comfy! I really like putting spring onion/leek and cubed tofu into cheap instant ramen. what's your favourite instant ramen variety/brand? or do you make it all from scratch?
I hope you will have a good time with your friend, I'm glad you're being social. How did you meet each other, online?

>Ah, fair. In that case the barrier to lower would be exercising your skills I suppose.
Seems like it.

>I don't have a list on hand but remember that humans are animals too. Think about how you would meter out treats for a pet. Went to the vet? That's a treat.
Rewards for effort?
Even if it's just day to day tasks, regardless of importance or impact?

?There is a limited supply of treats in a day, and the treats are tied to something concrete. Not because your pet doesn't deserve treats all the time but because it wouldn't be good to overfeed
Okay, that's a very reasonable point.

>>40323487
>>40305598

Sacrificed quite a bit of time to get at least a decent level understanding in each subject I take on in school, in my hobbies, and in life. The more you know; the less you realize you know; and for me, at least, the less I feel my knowledge is useful. Metaphorically speaking, I'm clinging to a water-hewn promontory on the verge of collapse into the sea. It's lonely on this rock, maybe nobody wants to get near for fear of falling in too.

There has never been a space or people I feel understood with, but the social anxiety is crippling. And when it's not hampering my ability to socialize, it seems like some combination of inexperience, vulnerability, curiosity, and carelessness which make me alien in every setting. It feels entitled and lacking awareness to discuss it anymore exhaustively. I really try, but there are not many places for me where I feel I could integrate and that affects my mental health and career.

The malaise is present in every aspect of my being comprises a core experience, the temporal orgins of which are uncertain along with the actual causes. I need a stable source of internal contentment and assurance which I am not capable of and I have been trying to work on myself for ages to no avail. I can't even write this without feeling grossly self indulgent. I wish my self-image was not in shambles.

I cannot even talk to friends about this, I'm unsure some would even listen.

Does anyone here have advice on how to start dating? I've tried taimi but had no luck, and I don't check my other dating apps because I always feel like the inferior choice as an ftm. I already go to social events irl but haven't made friends yet either.

>>40323134
i usually toss in like tofu, spring onion/miku food, paprika and whatever the fuck is in the fridgeTM (including rocket for some reason)

met friend

>>40323735
True.

This kind of experience is a whole subject on its own. And getting better feels like a whole other thing entirely.

It's kind of an insane ask honestly to do it all alone.

Anyways ive been watching a lot of heidi priebe videos when I feel I need a safe harbour. Might be worth a try.

>>40306562
Hope you’ve been getting some good rest in as well, siganon. Sometimes you just gotta snooze or zone out for a while to keep your batteries from hitting 0.
>Is there something you need to hear from someone else to make it easier to do?
It’s kind of you to offer. Being honest I don’t know what I need at all anymore.
It’s like I’m trudging through the same old feelings again, over and over.
It’s not for lack of trying new approaches either, I guess it’s more like there’s something inside of me that’s broken that I never really have the time or skills to fix.

I slept two days in a row again because I wore myself out from exercise and activities in the weekend.
I’m trying to eat but all I’ve been getting in is yoghurt and soup and peanuts, and for some reason I have to spend hours convincing myself to do it.
I arranged to speak to a friend through discord who wanted to help, then… Suddenly felt like I shouldn’t tell them. Like they were the wrong person to confide in because my feelings were too extreme or disgusting.
I’ve been afraid of going home to my parents again even though my mom frequently writes me.
I’ve been feeling a need for erasing all memories of anyone who has ever known me, as a means of survival.
I’ve been feeling like changing my name.

I don’t know.
Rationally speaking I think I might be in a state of shock that hasn’t quite developed into full-blown depersonalisation or derealisation yet.
I’m sorry for blabbering on.
Take care until next time.

>>40323067
He was tall and hairy and strong and smelled a lot like man

afternoon, /sig/
got to leave work early today, so i hit the gym again. up to a 8 day streak now. i've been tracking my calories as well, mostly to make sure i'm getting three meals a day in.
hope you're all doing decent!

>>40323923
would you say you have more of a problem with going on dates with people, or is it just finding them? dating apps can be helpful to just go on a bunch of casual dates and get practice, that's how i worked my way up to committing to my boyfriend. you might get lucky, you might not. maybe cast a wide net and try more apps?
social events are definitely the way to go, though. in theory, you make some friends and they can introduce you to people they think you might like; i'd keep putting yourself out there until you find someone, it took me a while to start dating but i met someone within a few months from that point.

>>40313385 (OP)
just fucked my ex for grocery money and tobacco
ama

>>40326113
I'd say finding them in the first place. I've never been on a date or even gotten close to it. I was considered ugly growing up so I never even tried other than confessing my feelings to a friend or two, which went nowhere. I'm not prioritizing relationships over friendship but I really want to experience it since I feel very left out being khhv in my mid 20's. As a trans person I think its very common to miss out on a lot of "normal" experiences but it sort of makes me feel worse about it.

Hey sig, just felt like talking here.

Yesterday we put my cat down. I'm not going to go into the full details, but we made sure she was comfortable and loved in her final days, and especially there at the end. We should be getting her ashes here in a few days, we plan on putting them in the living room so that she can still watch tv with us.

My emotional state right now is... complicated, I guess. I switch between sadness, somewhat normal, and just disassociating. I don't like disassociating, it makes the recovery period drag on for so much longer but it happens if I let myself slip too much and its so easy because that's just how my brain is hardwired.

I'm also not thrilled because we have to go to a family reunion for my husband's side of the family in a few weeks. I know I talked about how terrible they were to him growing up, but they still pay for a lot of our expenses so we have to deal with them. They improved after we got together and moved into our own place, but its still not great to be in a location full of people that don't like your husband.

I'm trying to see the bright side to life and make an effort to be a person still. My friend has a day trip planned for us that might be good since I'll be out of my house. I got to watch my favorite anime movie (surprisingly not Demon Slayer related lol) quite a bit this weekend with some friends.

If anyone could give some advice too on how to actually force yourself to eat when you're grieving, that'd be great by the way. My appetite is shot whenever I'm like this and I can only ever get two or three bites of something before I just can't go anymore.

>>40326113
what kinds of social events do you recommend for meeting people and making friends. im gonna be moving back home soon and i wont know many ppl, what should i do to build new relationships or reach out to people i havent talked to since high school (pre-transition, 5+yrs ago)?

Alright, from last thread.
>>40306464
>How do I get motivation to draw again?
>I haven't in months and I can't get back into it.
Motivation is incredibly finicky a beast at the best of times. It requires a conscious effort a lot of the time. A first line of defense is to form a habit around exercising your skill, so drawing in this case. If it is just "a ting you do every sunday" then you will do it at the time you are used to, because it's just what you do. It will mean forcing yourself for a while but it will get easier. The other part is to figure out what saps your motivation.
>I had a friend in Texas that I broke contact with like a year ago and I'm kinda worried for her, should I reach out?
Unless you broke off contact because she wasn't good for you, it doesn't hurt.
>>40306796
>i'm sorry for posting this here, especially something so long
don't think of it as long, think of it as providing context. I appreciate context.
>this has made me conclude i must be either misleading him or taking advantage of him
I disagree. What do you know of his circumstances?
>and it's only a matter of time before he realises this himself and stops talking to me.
Careful, if you detach out of fear of abandonment it becomes self fulfilling.
>the worst case being us meeting irl and him regretting ever knowing me.
>is it reasonable
I don't think so, no. Besides, even if he were to regret it, you shouldn't deny him the chance on the grounds that you know what is good for him. He's an adult after all. Unless you have a serious concern that his decision making is compromised.
>i'm fearful of losing it. i like him and he makes me feel good about myself.
>but i can't help but feel that's selfishness talking.
You aren't selfish, you have social needs. Your relationship with him (even a friendship or acquaintance is a relationship) will only grow healthier if you try to get mutual friends or try to get to know more people on the side. He can help with it.

>>40318635
Alright, as for the knee thing I am very proud you told me. And I hope you will allow me to scold you and force you to see a doctor for it at your earliest convenience. Let's make a pact; I have my own health issues I have been procrastinating. I have a dentist appointment next week. If you haven't scheduled a doctor by then, I will put my money where my mouth is and schedule my cancer screening alongside your knee examination. The context for the screening is: I have worked with extremely carcinogenic chemicals in the past and am way overdue for a checkup. This is very unwise and needs urgent change. So.. let's help each other out. Deal?
As for avoidant relationship stuff, let's talk about it in greater detail sometime when you have the energy.
>>40314409
Allow me to meter out what grace I can offer. I can promise you that what I give out to you does not come at the cost of anyone elses.
>>40314450
What got you into it, Anon? Tell me about yourself. Your circumstances.
>>40315016
Do keep us posted how it works out for you!

>>40316499
First of all, awesome! You did great, Anon. I hope you do feel some of the accomplishment. You have reason to be proud you know?
>Still kinda fat though and no trans gf :(
Is it okay to ask what your target BMI is? And, do you feel like you have enough exposure to new people to eventually find a gf?
>>40316506
I really needed last night's rest.. thank you.
>>40317940
>I don't know a single person in my personal life with healthy love life
>Not gonna risk it.
Fair! I just wanted to make sure you are not giving up on friendships. It's too important.
I understand how you feel though. With the fears of homelessness and people breathing down your neck.
>I suppose though, I don't think most adults consider this kind of thing.
Yeah but it is my belief that, since the unborn child is not there to discuss these matters with them in advance, a lack of consideration cannot be pinned on them, and should not be the child's concern. That is an extreme position, and frankly one I myself was raised to take, but blaming oneself for being born cannot be the solution, is all.
>I don't know if I can become a return on investment.
By the same logic it is not your cross to bear to be that, I don't think. I have seen too many parents take much more from their children than their efforts justified. It slightly radicalized me in favor of the child. And should I be blessed with kids one day, the only thing they will owe me is to recognize owing me naught.
>>40319091
https://www.youtube.com/@heidipriebe1
Tell me if any of the videos speak to you, title wise. Maybe over-taking responsibility, for example.
>>40318079
Thank you, Anon.. it's super sweet of you. Hope you had a good rest, too.

Mostly caught up but I need to take a break this close to the finish line to not overexert myself.
More probably tomorrow.
>>40319152
Oh yes, that type of struggle is real. During my diet I did account for the occasional junk food by counting it meticulously but it can very easily get people into old habits so I do not necessarily recommend it. The good news is that your cravings will adapt with your gut flora, which in turn lives and dies with your diet. That means you are slowly reconfiguring your settings it by changing your diet.
>>40319217
You're doing absolutely amazing, Anon! I'm super proud of you. You two gonna meet again soon?
>>40322062
>>40323487
>I know part of it is in my control but I have a hard time keeping myself on a leash.
So the issue is scheduling/planning. Walk me through a normal day of yours and where the downtime usually arises that causes issues.
>Rewards for effort?
>Even if it's just day to day tasks, regardless of importance or impact?
You get it. What matters is you Did The Thing™, and that is *all* that matters.
>>40323093
>meeting a new friend on thursday. for living in terf island i think things are on the up
Super happy for you, Anon! If you want a ramen rec: make ramen eggs. It's just brining a soft boiled egg in onions sauce and rice cooking wine overnight.

Looking for actual advice on a few things:
>Physical health:
Best way to start working on upper body strength? I've become so fucking physically weak since I started HRT it's kinda ridiculous. What do I do?
>Mental health:
What's the issue with getting tons of praise and validation yet only being able to think on the bad shit? All I've gotten for the past year as a passoid is "holy shit you look amazing" etc and yet my mind is still caught on one single relative who said TERFy shit to me before fucking off and not speaking to me again

>>40326710
>Do keep us posted how it works out for you!
It works fine for me, though the fact that the timer i put on apps counts down when I am not using them is kinda annoying, which i guess is the point

>>40326439
i can understand that. i was really depressed for most of my teenage years and didn't get around to having a lot of formulative experiences, that kind of stuff can really put you behind. didn't know how to have a healthy relationship, meet people, etc. it's all about taking small steps - join activities, become a regular at places, maybe find some local queer events (but i haven't had much luck with that personally)
>>40326511
for people from high school, i'd just pull the trigger and contact them. worst case scenario, they don't say anything or berate you for transitioning - and in that case, lesson learned, they aren't worth your time. best case scenario, someone might remember you and you'll have a person to latch onto. when i moved to university, i befriended one person and he helped me find a lot more friends, both his own and people i met through mutual circles. i don't have a car so i can't attend many events, but concerts, bars, and parties might help, and i'm sure you can find a register of events in your hometown online

Hi /sig/, Panty here! Today I baked this raspberry loaf. There might be room for improvement but this one pretty much turned out as expected.

Siganon, you mentioned a fascination with tableware and one thing getting into cooking has taught me is that the right tool can really make a difference. That’s the practical reality underneath the bougie mythology of “different kinds of forks and spoons.”

And Network-Attached Storage is definitely something I would love to get someday soon.

I'm sorry to all the people who I tried to explain my history to, i'm just crazy, autistic, stupid, and I don't know why I thought I had the right to try.
I don't know why I should keep going, honesty isn't something I'm allowed or should be allowed, and it's good that people remember to stop me when I try.
My experiences aren't real enough to exist, and I'm not competent enough to be a person or have goals or aspirations. I don't want pity, I don't want empathy, I just want to not exist
>>40326710
I'm sorry I can't help. Right now all I need more than anything else is pain.
And I can't even give myself that in a real way

>>40319091
>>40305586
I didn't get around to adding more but I'm the anon who recommended, so I would just add my lil review:

The videos feel semi unscripted to me so they tend to cover overlapping ideas, it's well presented and she's put effort into the ideas but it's pretty much just someone sharing things they noticed and what worked for them, so ymmv

I don't think it's the greatest for when you're deep in despair, but I do think if you have the energy to reexamine stuff her videos do a good job of demonstrating how you have more options, energy and hope than you might think

I haven't listened to much of her attachment stuff or mbti stuff, so she covers a lot I can't vouch for

But so far I've appreciated her stuff on understanding your needs and your energy levels, letting go of old stuff to make room for new stuff, recognizing areas where you're 'stuck', negotiating change, and recognizing your feelings, recognizing where the stuff you hate about yourself comes from your experiences or is impacted by shame or trauma.
A lot of her stuff is about becoming literate in yourself, understanding and doing experiments with your behavior so you can move on. And also about the ways who you think you are, or the things you tell yourself, might not be working for you. People from a neglectful environment often have a really bad understanding of what their real feelings are, and i've found it insightful on that. I would recommend it if you're the type of person that feels like they fight themselves a lot. I can't really say how helpful it would be to someone whose problems are 99% external

(i hope it's helpful to someone, anyway)

i went to take a shit today. feels good

i was able to work out my muscles for the first time in a long time and am now resting so that i can work them out again

>>40330805
Well done, Anon. I hope you know how much it means to us when you share personal victories like that.

>>40328220
Looks pretty good.

>>40305781
>You aren't, take as much time as you need, you want me to not rush responses either, don't you? So, you taking the time and resting up sets a good example for me. Thank you for that. If it feels more like procrastination,
Thank you for the consideration, I appreciate it very much.

>we can have a small chat to lower the barrier of getting the words out
That would be great, really. I'd appreciate it a lot.

>>40326729
>Fair! I just wanted to make sure you are not giving up on friendships. It's too important
Yeah, friendships rule.
Don't know if I could survive this far without these kinds of relationships.

>I understand how you feel though. With the fears of homelessness and people breathing down your neck
I'm not in a mental or financial state to handle that kind of pressure.

>Yeah but it is my belief that, since the unborn child is not there to discuss these matters with them in advance, a lack of consideration cannot be pinned on them, and should not be the child's concern
It's not may fault, but believe me it is my responsibility now.
Even I can't do much about it.

>That is an extreme position, and frankly one I myself was raised to take, but blaming oneself for being born cannot be the solution, is all
I'm not sure if it's the main reason for my self hatred. It's a factor at least.

>>40326729
>By the same logic it is not your cross to bear to be that, I don't think. I have seen too many parents take much more from their children than their efforts justified. It slightly radicalized me in favor of the child
I understand, I just a lot of guilt since I'm the spoiled black sheep of the family.

>And should I be blessed with kids one day, the only thing they will owe me is to recognize owing me naught
You seem like a very good person, Anon.

>https://www.youtube.com/@heidipriebe1
>Tell me if any of the videos speak to you, title wise. Maybe over-taking responsibility, for example
Thank you, I will look into you.

>>40330853
good shit, anon. keep it up!
i'm taking a rest day today, but i have another day off tomorrow so i'm going to hit the gym twice as hard

>>40326879
>So the issue is scheduling/planning. Walk me through a normal day of yours and where the downtime usually arises that causes issues
I will do that in the morning, after I've caught up on some sleep.

>You get it. What matters is you Did The Thing™, and that is *all* that matters
Do you ever feel guilty about feeling proud? Or content.

Jeez

can't be with people, can't be alone...

>>40323735
A lovely pursuit in and of itself. Breath of knowledge is valuable beyond direct applicability since it trains different modes of engagement with a problem. You mentioned career and friends, what is your general situation right now? Student? Employed?
>social anxiety is crippling.
>It feels entitled and lacking awareness to discuss it anymore exhaustively.
It isn't. A common thing for people in your situation to burden themselves with a sense of needing to anticipate every conceivable faux pas that could happen. You are encouraged to be more carefree here! I see you trying, don't you worry. Any error will be pointed out and forgiven, and making errors is encouraged.
>I need a stable source of internal contentment and assurance which I am not capable of
How does its absence manifest?
>I cannot even talk to friends about this, I'm unsure some would even listen.
The words doing the heavy lifting here are "unsure" and "some". It only takes one or two to listen, if the others can't deal, that is okay.
>>40324446
I'm definitely trying not to burn the candle from both ends. There is a high chance something is going to hurt my feelings a great deal tomorrow. As such, I won't post I think. I will be okay. It was just a promise. And they might keep it..
>Like they were the wrong person to confide in
>I’ve been afraid of going home to my parents again even though my mom frequently writes me.
From what I have seen it is a common reaction to self isolate like this in a variety of situations. Unfortunately, from what I know the way forward is to do the counter-intuitive. For the friend, you can try putting some of it into words and sending it, enough so you can tell yourself "they already know so I might as well". I don't know about your mom since your family situation always sounds like there are a lot of things burdening you.
>I’m sorry for blabbering on.
I am glad you do, how else would I know what you are going through?

>>40326092
Awesome, Anon!
I'm doing alright today, have been trying to prune my weight a little after having gained a kilo or two in the past month due to.. circumstances. It seems that I generally don't struggle to diet a little on the side.
>>40326124
What are your general circumstances, Anon? Money trouble it sounds like?
>>40323923
My personal approach has always been via friends and friends of friends. Getting to know people, befriending, and seeing where that goes.
>>40326475
My condolences, Tanjinon. Sometimes performing a little funeral can help with loss a great deal, even if you keep the ashes. It can be something symbolic instead. Consider it. I am sorry you also have a reunion to deal with at such an inopportune moment, to say the least.
>If anyone could give some advice too on how to actually force yourself to eat when you're grieving
snacking. Small, nutrient rich bites. Things that have calories a plenty but that you can eat without paying much attention to it. Things that are still enjoyable, though. I would suggest working your way towards proper meals. Snacks, sandwiches.. small portions more often.

>>40326987
I see, yeah I suppose it's part of the package deal with it. Looking into them they claim to be the only free app of their kind, I might need to dig a little.. Either way, thank you!
[resources tag for me to find this post later]
>>40328220
Your loaf looks delicious! Had some raspberries just the other day, it was a real treat. A NAS is a lovely thing. I hate running out of memory and storage has never been cheaper. And I agree, a nice cheese knife doesn't just look nice but it is really helpful not needing a fork or anything for everyone when serving a cheese platter. It's a very fringe example but you get it.
>>40329688
Oh, thank you so much for the added context! Might put a brief description in the resources.
>>40328351
Hey Navy, it is pretty damn clear you are spiraling.
>i'm just crazy, autistic, stupid, and I don't know why I thought I had the right to try.
permission to try granted, soldier.
>honesty isn't something I'm allowed
what makes you think that way? Did something happen or are you perhaps exhausted/overwhelmed?
>people remember to stop me when I try.
Sounds like something is up.. Please, by all means, I wish to hear it.
>>40330805
One of my oldest friends only has to go once every couple days, it's insane. He's otherwise in good health, although below average in height. How are you doing overall?

Oh damn the /fit/ sticky was updated! >>>/fit/76077351
>>40326937
Personally I found the advice I got at my local gym super helpful. My entire job is me not-shrimping in front of a PC so I was focused on lower back, shoulders and the like. I was honestly fond of gym machines since cause I had someone to tard wrangle me in the beginning and could start slowly building muscle with a correct pose pretty much mechanically enforced. The only catch is really that there is no "best" way in a practical sense. That most sources agree on. The best is the one you are most likely to keep doing, so if that is buying some weights, or going to the gym, or buying a mat and a foam roll solely depends on that.
>What's the issue with getting tons of praise and validation yet only being able to think on the bad shit?
We as people really fucking suck at retaining positive feedback, spot on. A couple of things are known to help with it and all of them relate to the idea that the way you react to compliments is not really a rational decision or something you rationally decide, it is more or less habit territory. So a lot of the practical advice focuses on forcing you to consciously engage with positive things again and again until thinking about them is something you are used to enough that you do it out of habit. Gratefulness exercises are one way to go about it that works for people, we have some basics on that topic in the resources. Another is to journal, writing down these things and actively remembering them, repeatedly. Engaging with it intellectually and emotionally. To wit, think of it as reverse-gaslighting yourself.
>>40330853
Well dome Anon! I am glad you take the time to rest as well, it's so important.
>>40331813
>Thank you for the consideration, I appreciate it very much.
And I appreciate you for trying your darndest.
>That would be great, really. I'd appreciate it a lot.
Then let us start simple: which anon are you?

>>40331890
>>40331944
>Yeah, friendships rule.
Oh 100%.
>Don't know if I could survive this far without these kinds of relationships.
I know I wouldn't have. I feel blessed honestly.
>I'm not in a mental or financial state to handle that kind of pressure.
>It's not may fault, but believe me it is my responsibility now.
Okay, that is fair. Others make it so and that, that cannot be helped. My point was more about self perception and removing one's oughts from the obligations thrust upon us. But I think I got lost there in hypotheticals a little, I feel we both get the other's point!
>I'm not sure if it's the main reason for my self hatred. It's a factor at least.
Were you often belittled or scolded? Sometimes self hatred can come from feelings of being wrong all of the time, no matter what you do. In that case there is no real reason, unfortunately.. which means the approach to resolve it is removed from logic and closer to trying to raise a wounded animal. Dealing with emotions.
>I understand, I just a lot of guilt since I'm the spoiled black sheep of the family.
According to the family, obviously. Nobody frames themselves to be in the wrong. It does not mean they aren't. I can drop this particular part of the conversation if it feels like it leads nowhere btw! I can understand if, for example, your first instinct was to defend them.
>You seem like a very good person, Anon.
I genuinely try. It is all I can. I used to refuse that label, but over the years I have found a middle ground to accept that I am good enough to do good and enjoy doing it. It took me years to feel enough to accept that. But now I am content on that front. I used to have self loathing issues, you know. In my case it was bullying, my home had its cracks but was far from broken, and my mother supported me emotionally when I was at my loneliest, drilling an awareness of my positive traits into me with compassionate insistence.

Enough for a night.
>>40335822
What makes you think the former?
>>40333848
I look forward to hearing from you.
>Do you ever feel guilty about feeling proud? Or content.
You mean like an "inner critic" thing where some inner part of you worries about you becoming too prideful or complacent if you cut yourself any slack ever?

>>40259170
>You don't load people you trust by telling them about your feelings, if they're true
That kind of kits on something that I'm very afraid of... what if I'm lying to myself about these feelings? What if my feelings aren't really true and I've just deluded myself into thinking they are?

>>40283325
>You need people close to you right now
I know I do, but I also feel like I'd rather meet new people and start over than change anything about how my current relationships exist.

>perhaps we need to talk about local lgbt communities and the like
I don't really know how to find local communities. I know they exist, I just have a hard time finding them. I was looking at trans-friendly therapy things and I did find one. I think maybe I could find things through that if I decide I want to try to make an appointment with them... not sure though, and I'm kind of afraid that even if I do find some local lgbt community thing, it wouldn't be the kind of queer people I could relate with.

>That is normal to the point of bordering on universal. Comfortable stagnation, change being scary...

It's been a bit since I posted. I still feel doubtful but I also feel like I do want to keep going with stuff.
I am now completely enrolled in community college. All that's left is to actually attend classes. I do need to contact a relative about a college fund that exists in my name somewhere, but I can do that whenever or not all, it would just be a bit wasteful to not use it.
My appointment with planned parenthood was moved up to the end of August. My understanding is that I should be able to get hormones the same day as the appointment, the person on the phone said they didn't need to do labs first, only after a few months (I think she said 3 but I don't remember). I do think I should probably see a therapist in addition to being on hrt, but that kind of feels like I'm just throwing more and more onto what already feels like a big mountain of stuff that I'm trying to do.

>>40326475
Sorry for your loss anon. Grieving and then having to go to a family reunion with people like that sounds rough… Hope you and your boyfriend will be able to power through it with as little time and energy spent as possible.
>how to actually force yourself to eat when you’re grieving
When I’m feeling low I try to keep my food and snacks as simple to reach for as I can. A plastic bag with peanuts in my backpack. Something right next to my bed. Bottles of soup that I can just pour into a cup and microwave. It doesnt always work but it feels easier to “trick” myself into eating if it isn’t a full-sized meal and I don’t have to do anything to prepare it/can eat a handful at the time whenever.

>>40328351
Even if you were all of those things, and even if you don’t want pity right now, I still think you should be allowed to try and be seen as a person. That’s something everyone should be allowed, right?
Even if you weren’t competent at anything you should still be allowed a shot at happiness, and if you were competent (which, fwiw, you seem to be at many things) being competent isn’t the only reason for being.
I guess thats my dumb way saying I hope you feel better today. Please take care of yourself.

>>40336671
While I hope for you that it won’t I’m glad to hear you’re preparing to let yourself rest if it does. From the description of the premise it sounds… A little ominous, almost. Like something that holds a lot of weight even if you know you’ll recover.
Fingers crossed for you, siganon.
>I don't know about your mom since your family situation always sounds like there are a lot of things burdening you.
Yeah… Staying away feels safer for me right now. If I had to guess she wants me back home because she’s depressed and stressed and feels like everyone in the household is verbally attacking her (not entirely untrue, sometimes they do).
But taking care of her mental health and being around the others means I can’t take care of myself.
I think it still sits in me that she yelled at me for trying to unlock a door that I didnt know was already unlocked when sending my dad to the hospital. That and being hissed at for opening up about being scared of my brother’s psychosis.
But I guess I’m staying a night soon.
I hope I’ll have the courage and energy to leave again as soon as I can. I don’t wanna stay long enough to hear about “those lgbts” or for my dad to go on one of his dying man rants . I dont want to be called a slave “jokingly” anymore. I’m done with it. Even if I end up too sick to move or wind up needing an emergency trip to the hospital again I’m better off on my own . I’d rather risk dying physically than in spirit.

Bump

Hi yea about that guy I do like him, but maybe i am making stuff up or not wanting to believe it, but I think I saw his car outside of my house. I really want to believe it’s not him and that if it was that he does want to talk to me but is shy about it. I am a bit worried over it and I wanted to see him on 4th of July so I walked where he worked hopefully seeing him because I do think he looks handsome, but he was with friends and knowing my love life he could be a straight guy and I am reading the messages wrong. Besides that it looks like I am going to watch Superman with some friends and my brother which I am excited for. I am again trying to stop watching porn because as I have said I am not gaining from it and it is an addiction I can hear it saying to look at what’s new and things like just one more and will be done and that really doesn’t sound like a healthy mindset at all. I am also trying to look for a job because once college is done I do need one the money I got is almost out and I know for a fact that I need money to have things that I want and need. I think I am starting to figure myself out more and more because I feel a bit more alive and I want cut porn out of my life because when I did I felt like I was doing things in my life and was happy.

Bump

>>40336772
>And I appreciate you for trying your darndest
That means a great deal, really.

>Then let us start simple: which anon are you?
I'm the same anon from the previous threads, the one that posted regarding: >my big move to Australia
>my job search, finding a casual job, being dismissed from that job
>the nature of my family and personal troubles
>my struggles with dopamine binging
>(I included a lot of bunnies with posts usually too, if that helps)

>>40336906
>Oh 100%
Yeah, I've realised that more and more with each year.

>I know I wouldn't have. I feel blessed honestly
Me too.

>Okay, that is fair. Others make it so and that, that cannot be helped. My point was more about self perception and removing one's oughts from the obligations thrust upon us
I see your point, getting low on myself about it hasn't helped me out, that much is obviously.

>But I think I got lost there in hypotheticals a little, I feel we both get the other's point!
Yeah, I understand, thank you.

>>40336906
>Were you often belittled or scolded? Sometimes self hatred can come from feelings of being wrong all of the time, no matter what you do
I do have memories of that happen a few times when I was younger, it didn't occur as often when I got older but I still remember some of them.
I'm also just naturally very down on myself by my nature.

>In that case there is no real reason, unfortunately.. which means the approach to resolve it is removed from logic and closer to trying to raise a wounded animal. Dealing with emotions
I really don't like my emotions all that much.
But I suppose it's unavoidable if it's me I have to live with for the rest of my life.

>>40336906
>According to the family, obviously. Nobody frames themselves to be in the wrong. It does not mean they aren't. I can drop this particular part of the conversation if it feels like it leads nowhere btw! I can understand if, for example, your first instinct was to defend them
I won't say I'm not at fault for a lot of my personal problems, but more than anything I want true financial independence more than anything else right now.
I just wanna survive and help my siblings get by too.
I'm cutting out the part of my me that wants some kind of emotional catharsis, I'm just tired of silly conflict that does nothing for anyone.
I'm fine being alone if it brings me, and hopefully others some peace.

>>40336906
>I genuinely try. It is all I can. I used to refuse that label, but over the years I have found a middle ground to accept that I am good enough to do good and enjoy doing it. It took me years to feel enough to accept that. But now I am content on that front
I'm happy for you, Anon.
I'm glad you have some more peace in your life.

>>40336671
>what is your general situation right now?
Student on the cusp of graduation took too long to get to where I am at. I live at home with family. It's not bad, but it's not good for me long term.

>You are encouraged to be more carefree here!
I wish people were more forgiving. It's hard to know if I'm the issue, others, or it's simply not meant to be.

>How does its absence manifest?
Circumstances and mindset. Rumination. Spiraling. I'm not smart enough, I'm not pretty or handsome enough, I'm not cool enough, I don't dress well, I'm too anxious, i'm not where I should be at in life, etc. Expectations.

>The words doing the heavy lifting here are "unsure" and "some".
Perhaps. I don't feel there are many who would listen. My parents, they're good people, but are sometimes emotionally stunted. I can't really talk to them about my problems too much without one of them deciding I'm too obstinate or complain too much. It turns into a pointless argument because they take issue with my expression.

Friends have their own shit to deal with, or are simply not close enough for them to really care. I sometimes lend a listening ear to their woes, but I just get the feeling the same grace would not be returned to me. Had a friend tell me recently his depression had disappeared for months, which made me happy for him and gave me some hope for my own journey. The more acerbic and sagacious side of me believes this to be a pipe dream.

>>40336906
>I used to have self loathing issues, you know. In my case it was bullying, my home had its cracks but was far from broken, and my mother supported me emotionally when I was at my loneliest, drilling an awareness of my positive traits into me with compassionate insistence
I'm sorry to hear about that, bullying is awful.
I'm glad you had someone to stand by you, to help you along those struggles.

why am I so stupid????

Bump

>>40343211
Family history, genetic and epigenetic factors, life choices

>>40343834
Ah.
Okay I geuss that's just a fair answer.

How do I become less stupid? Or less destructive at least?

>>40343882
Well what are the stupid things you do? First comes always awareness after the fact, then training to catch yourself in the act. And there are tricks depending on what it is you need to catch yourself doing.

>>40343211
Although >>40343974 offered some solid problem solving advice, I’d like to add some advice related to mental health.

Feeling “stupid” can mean making mistakes, but also believing that you aren’t *allowed* to make mistakes. It can mean thinking that you have made enough mistakes for one lifetime, and that you must put all that behind you to truly become worthy of the love and acceptance of yourself and others.

“Why am I so stupid?” can be a way of saying you believe that you making any mistake, no matter how large or small, is not okay, and that failing again proves you’re not capable of ever truly succeeding.

Feeling like making a mistake you’ve made proves something fundamental about who you are makes a bad situation worse. Now you’ve got to contend not only with the work of cleaning up your own mess, but also the fear that the mistake you made means you’re bad in a way that won’t go away after the external or physical consequences of the mistake are resolved.

My understanding is that such a mindset usually starts in childhood, when someone like a parent or a teacher in your life became frustrated or impatient at your inability to learn something fast enough for their liking. It’s one of those things people learn as kids from situations where the adult doesn’t realize they were teaching you a really bad lesson about your self-esteem when they just preoccupied with their own responsibilities and anxious to get on with their day.

The belief that you’re past your limit on making mistakes is not a healthy one, because making mistakes is a healthy, normal part of life, and especially when you’re learning new skills.

This can also make people afraid to try or learn new things as adults, because they haven’t learned how to emotionally process making mistakes in a healthy way, and try to deal with their anxiety around mistakes by sticking to what they already know.

nighty nighty, my conscience is heavy and my tummy feels wobbly

>>40343211
you're human. humans are stupid

Bump

>>40343974
I seem to be constantly undermining my own efforts to get ahead in life.

>>40336946
>I look forward to hearing from you
You'll hear more in roughly six or seven hours of decent rest for me.

Bump

I downloaded a mood tracker with cute cat faces

I always feel tired and stressed and struggle to sleep or do anything when awake. My head feels like a constant dull buzzing, and I feel as though I have no control over my thoughts, as weeks pass in a frustrated haze. I have a tendency to get stuck for hours thinking about how awful it is to live, and how nothing is really possible, and worse things. I keep hoping that I'll just wake up one day feeling 'okay' again and this fog will be gone. I haven't gotten anywhere, trying a lot of the usual stress management tips, and having my thoughts always clouded has made it impossible to set time aside for things like meditating; even if you told me to do it now, I highly doubt I'd be able to, I think I'd just wander off or look for aspirin.
>QOTT
My girlfriend has a condition which was fairly debilitating for a long time, and treatment now enables her to live a somewhat normal life, but I think a lot about how it must have been for her to endure it for so long with no promise that things were ever going to get better. And I wish I had that kind of strength, or desire to live. I just keep 'hoping' it will come to me.

Bump

Anon from last(?) thread with the social problems. I was in a very bad place when I posted so I can't tell what I said. More or less, someone who hates everything about me returned to one of the few nice places in my life. Thankfully that person left... then came back and might never leave.
For me, it's something really important, somewhere I actually enjoy being. For that person, it's completely unneeded. I can't even imagine what the purpose of coming back would be other than to torment me. This is someone who's gone to great lengths to be awful to me and rejected any efforts I made at figuring out how to tolerate one another.
Finding somewhere else is going to be very hard, especially when there's nowhere to just be anymore. Until I succeed, I'm going to be just about completely alone. I will never be good enough, because it's not about being good enough, it's about stupid games I never wanted to play. I've given up on hating myself, but that helps a lot less than you'd think. Now I'm just sad and extremely aware of my helplessness.
Sorry for posting this way. I don't have anywhere else to vent where I won't be yelled at for things outside of my control.

>>40313385 (OP)
i fucking hate this website

>>40333848
>>So the issue is scheduling/planning. Walk me through a normal day of yours and where the downtime usually arises that causes issues

Here's a basic breakdown:
>Wake up
>Make breakfast and perform basic chores
>Get back to studies, job searches and semantics of adult life
>Go to gym
>Make food
>Eat food, perform chores
>(Maybe do some more studies, job search and semantics of possible)
>Freshin up in the bathroom
>Go to sleep, usually far later than I need to

The free time usually comes about due to me not having work right now and the days when I don't have a proper study plan set up.
I end of bumming around due to lack of direction, a lack of 'hope' and an overindulgence in time wasting vices (bed rotting and doomscrolling).

Yeah, I'm still very much a mess at the moment I'm afraid.
Sorry.

>>40352746
>>40326879

bump

My therapist wants me to fly to Thailand to bang hookers (unironically)

>>40354282
Qrd?

>>40355057
>shut-in with no friends, approaching wizard status
>crashed out of school again
>have some time until I continue studies
>therapist suggests I take a vacation
>tell her I'm thinking about going to egypt
>she says I shouldn't because of the political situation
>tell her I'm thinking about going to Turkey
>she says I shouldn't because of Erdogan
>say nothing
>she gives me a look and says I should go to Thailand
I mean...

>>40355195
I'm not sure that's exactly what was being said there but I get it...Thailand is kinda known for that stuff.

>>40353642
bowump

Well. I finished another enrollment. The good news is that I have thereby secured insurance for the foreseeable future. The bad news is that, if I want to study this degree in earnest, I will have to start in the first semester /again/ because I can't transfer my courses. But who even cares at this point.

>>40284946
>Avoidant attachment style, so to say?
Yeah. My psych said something similar
>Do you feel like you lose interest in people, or is it more you disengage when you feel they are bored of you?
I don't really know, anon.. Not a misanthrope, just don't like em. It's pretty much always been me who drew away, in all of my friendships. I feel like most people become — to some endearing extent — emotionally dependent on their friends. And thus they want to maintain friendships. That just doesn't happen with me.
>Do you mean in terms of what the people in it should be like beyond what we sketched?
I mean that, even if I were surrounded by people who were perfect for me, I couldn't connect with them on a deeper level. It's not a rational thing. I don't know...
>I don't think you want to believe everyone with any passing interest in your passions is a shithead.
You're right, I don't believe that and I don't want to believe that... I'd still rather just save myself the trouble.
>Having someone with deep interest share their perspective
I don't really have deep interest, I only read like the first half of Ethics. Spinoza was a rationalist and pantheistic thinker who formulated his philosophy in a deductive style reminiscent of mathematical proofs. So I thought maybe that'd be up your alley.
>Also I just enjoy talking to you.
I enjoy talking to you as well, for what it's worth.
>I am doing alright.
Glad to hear.

>>40355837
It doesn't matter. Just thought it'd be a fun tidbit to share.

updates tomorrow.

>>40357375
rest well <3

after a few bad days my weight is lagging behind the estimate. kinda scary

>>40336686
>>40338565
I think I need to just disappear for like a week, two, maybe more but I'm worried I won't be able to pull myself back.
I've been active on discord but I've gone into the repper headspace and I just need to stop talking about myself entirely it's too needy.
I don't want to get into it much, I spoke a tiny amount about my childhood not even in a trauma dump or some shit just a description and got told I was crazy and stupid and that I was just making it up, which led to me having a breakdown because that third point especially set me off (i know why, but I'm not saying), bashed my head into a wall fairly hard, hit myself, no real damage but enough to cause shaking.
Very numb I keep looking at images of myself from when I did my injection and I feel nothing.
>>40322115
Idk probably to do with traceability or lack thereof and some nations being especially unfriendly to tranners.
>>40322040
That's executive dysfunction. Idk the only way I get around it is by brute forcing myself forwards, just forcing the motions even if my brain is screaming at me to not.

>>40359086
listen some faggot brainworming you sent you into a spiral but you are sure as fucking shit not going to self isolate over this.

Who did you speak to that fed you this dogshit?

Bump

Bump

is there even anything you can do about a ribcage that juts out so far i genuinely cant tell if its just my bdd or if i really look like that picture of elon musk.

>>40361552
No, it's unfixable. You can make it less obvious by being fat, but for someone with a deep ribcage that means being way fatter than someone normal with that rib-stomach ratio.
t.38" but decent from the front

>>40361609
may be just time to rope then because i genuinely cannot take living in this body if it can't get better

>>40361757
If you're already fat you can try losing tons of weight and geting to ~18bmi and seeing how much that shrinks your underbust. I read it was ~1 inch/point somewhere. It might help and it's something to try before you give up completely

>>40361820
im a whale lol, ive been consistently losing weight but the fact that im going to be losing weight for at least another 2 years before bottoming out but can feel my ribcage jutting out pretty far has been a constant demoralizer because im not sure if its just going to make them more visible or if im even going to like the result when im done. t. bmi 50, 46" underbust. i doubt ill be losing 20+ inches off of my ribcage from losing all the weight desu, im sure there's a cutoff there.
maybe wearing a corset 24/7 till i cant take anymore will help idk

>>40361883
>bmi 50
At that point you have no idea what your body is really like. Here's the meme site. You'll see that your underbust is way beyond normal males. The problem here is not your ribs. If you only lose 10 inches, which you almost certainly can at your present size, you'll be better off than I am. You have a ton of weight to lose and you should evaluate yourself much later, when you're closer to a normal weight
https://anthro.cs.uni-freiburg.de

I think I realized I'm spiraling with my own self loathing because I do still have feelings for a friend of mine. I feel like I'm in a weird state of hating him but he's still my friend and I care about him alot and I know he's finally in a happy relationship, but I feel like I got shot every time he talks about his partner and I feel like I can barely stand to be around him and I feel like I wish I never would've met him
>>40326710
>Allow me to meter out what grace I can offer
I appreciate that means alot to me, I'll try to do my best to make y'all proud.

>>40361883
>bmi 50
It's always nice to see a true red-blooded american patriot on the internet

>>40357375
Sweet, thank you.

what does the transgender community of 4chan think of the blue archive OST?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR0TBQV147I

this might be good for this thread. ignore if not

>>40339111
It did happen and it was worse than I cared to anticipate. I've been led down and effectively (albeit unintentionally) lied to by omission. Now I am footing an expensive bill in preparation for something that is now called off and too late to cancel. The whole thing meant the world to me. And this is not the first time this happened, just the closest to the finish line.
It is good you prioritize yourself right now. You do not need other people's petty crap right now. And given her track record, someone who can dish out so unreasonably can stand to tank a hit. Maybe I am just a bit jaded today.
>I hope I’ll have the courage and energy to leave again as soon as I can.
I support that, 100%.
>>40337117
>I'd rather meet new people
Alright, let's go with that for now.
>I don't really know how to find local communities.
Let's start simple then. Is there an obvious lgbt meetup where you could find people who are informed? Cafes and the like, universities..
>I could find things through that if I decide to make an appointment
Why not, as you said, you kinda plan to see a therapist anyway right?
>I'm kind of afraid that even if I do find some local lgbt community thing, it wouldn't be the kind of queer people I could relate with.
The only way to know is to try, let's exhaust options in no particular order rather than trying to anticipate.
>I am now completely enrolled in community college
Does the college have any lgbt related events, perhaps?
>college fund that exists in my name
What is the main thing that makes it hard to reach out? Is the relative difficult?
Also, yes it is a lot you are doing at once. If you feel overwhelmed, do tell me.
>>40341826
Oh it's you, bunon! Thank you for jogging my terrible memory. I also tend to ask even if I have a hunch since I sometimes do guess wrong. Welcome back, I see you already got the ball rolling, I will work my way towards the other posts in a bit. I reply at least to all posts from Thu today and some from Fri.

It is almost 19:00. I have two more big posts to write before I am done with the Thu posts, then I will take a break. I hate summer. I hate loneliness. I will be okay, I will meet someone dear to me soon. Someone who keeps their word.
>>40341028
>maybe i am making stuff up
stuff such as?
>or not wanting to believe it
more likely, yes.
>knowing my love life he could be a straight guy and I am reading the messages wrong
Do you have a contact? Try going out with him somewhere, have a chat. Try that a couple more times and see how close he lets you pull him.
>I am going to watch Superman with some friends and my brother which I am excited for.
Happy to hear, Anon! It sounds like you are making decent progress overall, I'm happy for you.
>>40347213
I am glad you took the time to rest, by the way!
>>40347186
Alright, that already narrows it down. Can you walk me through an explicit example? And can you try and illustrate at which point in this cycle you notice it happening?
Also, >>40344187 raises great points that might speak to you.
>>40345556
Very proud of you for eating well, anon!

Oh great, too many links.. fucking spam filter
>>40341865
>40341890
>>40341953
>>40342057
>>40342113
>getting low on myself about it hasn't helped me out, that much is obviously.
Yes, it is draining, motivation killing. Developing a healthy contrarianism in the face of these thoughts has helped me a great deal but it often trips people up if you do it "from outside". Though some people can be snapped out of lashing at themselves when they are told "don't be mean to someone I care for" by a loved one. Also, thank you for providing the context, it was just a hunch and I sure as hell wouldn't be able to infer things from it besides a gut feeling. Have you seen the post another anon made about now allowing oneself to make mistakes (>>40344187)? Might be related.
>I really don't like my emotions all that much.
It helps to name them and ascribe a positive utility to them. Think of them like an immune system. It's primary function does not prevent it from causing allergic reactions to happen. Example, fear tries to keep you away from danger. Anger tries to make you power through an obstacle, and so on. There was a silly comic on that subject I could dig up.
>I'm cutting out the part of my me that wants some kind of emotional catharsis
Relatable. There is a time and a place for these things and sometimes we gotta grit and bear.
>I'm glad you have some more peace in your life.
Hope to see you on this side of the fence sooner than you imagine.
>I'm glad you had someone to stand by you, to help you along those struggles.
It is definitely something that informed my "people need people" world view.

>>40342074
(1/2)
Still a student, good. How is your friend circle, do you think the remaining time lends itself to maybe getting to know a few more people to keep in contact with post grad?
>I wish people were more forgiving.
>It's hard to know if I'm the issue, others, or it's simply not meant to be.
It is never "not meant to be" in my limited experience. There are too many people almost exactly in our shoes for this to be possible. It doesn't mean it is easy.. sadly.
>Circumstances and mindset.
The mindset aspects you experience will, most likely, stop being an issue when you are exposed to people enough. All these "not enough" thoughts cannot survive in the face of a contradicting reality. There is, however, also another thought. Take those qualities you named. Pretty, cool, stylish.. and genuinely reflect upon when the last time was you decided against being someone's friend because they were lacking in any such regard. Flip the script, as I often say. Now circumstance is the tough one.
>My parents, they're good people, but are sometimes emotionally stunted.
This is also usually not the kind of thing parents are good for.
>Friends have their own shit to deal with, or are simply not close enough for them to really care.
Okay, this is essential: yes they have their own shit to deal with. But everyone will, always, forever. You got to accept that. And you got to accept that, if everyone were to wait for the right moment like this, which as established never occurs, nobody could lean on anyone. And.. people need to be needed. It is a harrowing experience to not have anyone that relies on you, I find. Sure some people can live without that but they will let you know.
>I sometimes lend a listening ear to their woes, but I just get the feeling the same grace would not be returned to me.
You deny yourself there. You can frame it as something on top of grace: People need to be needed. Be their fulfillment.

>>40342074
(2/2)
>Had a friend tell me recently his depression had disappeared for months, which made me happy for him
It felt good, didn't it? But it also felt good to be there when your friend wasn't okay, right? Do you relate to his struggles maybe?
>The more acerbic and sagacious side of me believes this to be a pipe dream.
That is the nature of depression in my experience. At least the kind that can be dealt with without medication. Doing shit you hate for points you don't believe in until you suddenly stop hating them and see the point for what it is. It is insane like that. Mental well being follows, in my experience, Liebig's law of the minimum. The perceived quality of your life is dominated by the shittest parts. So if there are multiple similarly bad ones your overall QoL is only raised once all are lifted. That is why gratification is most delayed when we could use it instantly the most.
>>40350986
That is quite serious and sounds like a situation that requires medical attention, Anon. The only thing that comes to mind, stupid as it sounds, is to see what happens if you briefly spike your stress levels. That can cause the anxiety to let off thinking the immediate danger has passed. One thing that can work for that is running, cardio and the like. Basically simulating a chase. if that doesn't help I would urgently see a doc if you can help it.
>And I wish I had that kind of strength, or desire to live. I just keep 'hoping' it will come to me.
Tenacity in the face of despair. That is a difficult trait. I find that gratefulness exercises and stuff related to it helped me in recent years. I have become very vocal about being thankful about the things people say and do, and things I enjoy. It helped with my outlook and made coping easier... sometimes. Sometimes it is also just seething spite. Like today.
>>40352291
For what particular reason today?

Thanks for the major update, Siganon.

I gotta go to sleep now but I'll catch up myself as soon as I can.

Hi /sig/! Panty here. Yesterday I changed my bedsheets, vacuumed the second floor of the house, washed my clothes, and took a walk in my local dead mall to get some exercise.

The day before I bought groceries to make breakfast burritos, turkey-zucchini meatballs with a roasted sweet potato and cream cheese pasta sauce, and a cornflake brittle with brown sugar and dark chocolate.

Also, my mom found a chicken alfredo meal prep recipe she wanted me to make for her, and we got the ingredients for that. Hopefully this will make my mom less inclined to get fast food when she doesn’t feel like cooking dinner. Will post results when the cooking is done.

Also, obviously I watched the first episode of New Panty and Stocking as soon as I could. I’m pleasantly surprised we got a new season and that I was here to see it. Also, I thought the new end theme had some /sig/ vibes:

>I woke up here with the same regret
>Jump into this mess, no exit, yeah
>Every choice I make, it falls apart
>But that’s the beat, the groove is in my heart
>”Pathetic,” I wear it like a crown
>I’m reckless
>Yeah, I know it’s true
>But it’s a madness
>That gets me through

>>40313385 (OP)
Did front squats yesterday after not doing any squats for a couple years. Thighs and buttcheeks feel like they're gonna explode lol

>>40365733
congratulations

Bump

Bump (I'm not fucking letting it die)

Bump
I might be manic or I'm just finally not in a shitty mood idk

Hey /sig/, Tanji-Anon again.

Today was actually a pretty good day, so were the last few days, all things considered.
Went on that day trip with my friend and got some books, including the Demon Slayer art book.
Also went to the local fair and got to go on some rides and check out games with my husband, even if the rides were really expensive. I want to go with him next year and have an even better time. I used to just feel sad going there because my dad who loved it passed away and it just made me literally feel sick to imagine experiencing it without him, but this year I was just happy to be there with my husband.

A big thing that happened is that my friend theorizes I have OCD in addition to the other mental stuff I have (ADHD, PTSD). She has an actual diagnosis for it and it apparently clicked for her that a looooot of my behaviors match up with untreated OCD, so I'm going to try some of the coping skills she recommended for me to see if that helps me with stuff.

Tomorrow I'm going to try and get back to doing chores and stuff.

I had my first gay experience this week. I hooked up with an old old friend I haven't seen in years, who I was in love when we were in middle school (when they were still a girl, now post-surgery ftm)

it dredged up some very weird and conflicting feelings. it's really affirming to know I'm actually bi and not just going nuts, and I'm more motivated than ever to come out to more people in my life now. but I also feel like I'm fucking 12 years old again crying over the same exact person because all of a sudden I feel the full force of having built them up in my head as the person I most wanted to be with during the most formative years of my life, and meanwhile I'm probably just a fun hookup to them

but then also I have other good reasons to be super into them outside of that? they've kind of grown up to embody all the things I value in a person, they're the most adventurous person I know and live an insanely interesting life and are kind and funny and and and

anyway this week I'm gonna try to be more adventurous like them. I can't move halfway across the world and live in the woods like them, but maybe I'll plan a little urban exploration trip or something like that

bump

>>40371282
thanks

does anyone have tips for bulimia
I don't know how I'm bulimic and still fat

By the time you realize who I am I will be gone, you won't find me, none of your friends will, I tried to mend and fix everything but it was impossible, I suppose things were meant to be like this, it doesn't really matter anymore. I remember you frequented this place often, maybe you will realize who I am and act before but there won't be a warning this time, we both had our chances to talk it out and we failed. This is what is best for both of us, from your favorite, goodbye.

>>40373362
friend, this is a Wendy's

>>40373362
hey Anon, I am not sure if you mean me. I would like to talk to you right now

>>40373429
It might be you, it might not, frankly it doesn't matter if it is. It doesn't matter if he sees my words or not.

>>40352226
Welcome back!
>someone who hates everything about me returned to one of the few nice places in my life. Thankfully that person left...
>then came back and might never leave.
I have a perhaps stupid question, but.. what kind of place is it? If you have people that got your back, honestly, there is no shame in telling that person to piss off and that they aren't welcome. Harsh? Maybe. But if you get away with it, I would honestly do that. Assuming that isn't an option, can you tell me more about what kinda place it is, is there any way to avoid one another?
>Until I succeed, I'm going to be just about completely alone.
Hm, so you have no friends to help you in this. What is your current situation like, student, employed, neet? Perhaps living alone or with parents?
>Now I'm just sad and extremely aware of my helplessness.
>I won't be yelled at for things outside of my control.
I am very, very proud of you for speaking up, Anon. It matters a great deal I believe. Because it is not easy, because you feel helpless.
>>40373472
Well, I'm the OP of this thread, so I would assume you and I talked once or twice if you posted here before. Do you mean me?

>>40365186
>Oh it's you, bunon! Thank you for jogging my terrible memory. I also tend to ask even if I have a hunch since I sometimes do guess wrong
It's all good, my posts and posting habits especially can be a little confusing at times.

>Welcome back, I see you already got the ball rolling, I will work my way towards the other posts in a bit
No rush, I follow up here as often as I can.

>I reply at least to all posts from Thu today and some from Fri
The effort is very much appreciated and acknowledged.

>>40365313
>Yes, it is draining, motivation killing. Developing a healthy contrarianism in the face of these thoughts has helped me a great deal but it often trips people up if you do it "from outside". Though some people can be snapped out of lashing at themselves when they are told "don't be mean to someone I care for" by a loved one
Pretending I am a worthwhile person does occasionally help me out, although it is hard to maintain.
I don't like myself very much, it's parts of my desire for seperation from my dependency on family.

>Also, thank you for providing the context, it was just a hunch and I sure as hell wouldn't be able to infer things from it besides a gut feeling
No worries, I can try to be more descriptive in the future, I have a hard time fully explaining myself or my circumstances well.

>Have you seen the post another anon made about now allowing oneself to make mistakes (>>40344187 #)? Might be related
I have read through it.
I may need to reread it before I can fully respond to it but it is fairly accurate to my situation and relationship with failure.
Failure feels like me stabbed to me.

>>40356663
>Yeah. My psych said something similar
Makes sense, tricky a thing. I also read the thailand thing which kinda amused me.
>It's pretty much always been me who drew away, in all of my friendships.
>I couldn't connect with them on a deeper level. It's not a rational thing. I don't know...
This is very interesting actually. Was your psych the one that mostly prescribes meds, I remember you wanting to look for a therapist independently of that but I forgot what came of it.
>I'd still rather just save myself the trouble.
It must be hard, feeling like you never truly connect with people. Many people feel this way, like aliens. But it can be for so many different reasons. Usually, when people here do, it relates to inhibitions, and focusing on their differences. Or, in other cases, the fact that nobody around them had experiences in any way like their own. These are all things I know how to grapple with, but what you describe is different in kind. More deeply connected to your attachment style, so I am not really competent to give actionable advice. Recently been linked to a youtube channel of someone specializing in attachment related things (https://www.youtube.com/@heidipriebe1 discussed above), but the videos are 40 minutes a pop and I haven't had the time to watch them.
>I don't really have deep interest, I only read like the first half of Ethics.
Very fair, but I suppose you catch my general sentiment! And, thank you for the elaboration, it absolutely sounds like something I would enjoy looking into!
>I enjoy talking to you as well, for what it's worth.
I'm happy to hear, Anon! It is, in the moments things work out, a pleasant thing to share the things we know, isn't it? I mean, my memory is spotty but all of this, I do remember as much, started from a discussion about motivation and rekindling love for doing things.
>>40357752
Thank you, Anon.

>>40352746
>The free time usually comes about due to me not having work right now and the days when I don't have a proper study plan set up.
So essentially you are missing a back bone in your schedule that "forces" you to get up in the morning and start your day in a well structured manner. Something to build the rest of the day around. The reason I think this might work is because it allows you to "make excuses" healthily. "Oh while I am already up I might as well.."
>Yeah, I'm still very much a mess at the moment I'm afraid.
>Sorry.
No need to be sorry for that at all Anon. If everything was alright you wouldn't look for help! I'm glad you speak up.
>>40357931
Heya, I know how that feels, though in my case it tended to be spikes up rather than down. But the data looks like it is snaking around the blue curve. You can see that you have an almost perfect straight line from mid june to now. So chances are the trend line will continue but perhaps slow a little. Definitely anticipating the next update!
>>40359086
Heya Navy. I understand someone basically invalidated your feelings massively and it kicked you right back into the repper headspace. I understand. I still want to urgently encourage you to post, if that is okay. I would like to talk with you for a bit.
>>40361552
>>40361883
Perhaps a stupid question, but what is your letter, Anon? But yes, given your high BMI for now all bets are frankly off, I agree with the other Anon.

>>40365313
>It helps to name them and ascribe a positive utility to them. Think of them like an immune system. It's primary function does not prevent it from causing allergic reactions to happen
I understand but I'm afraid I'm far too sensitive by nature.
I get overloaded by things far too easily.

>Example, fear tries to keep you away from danger. Anger tries to make you power through an obstacle, and so on
I see, I can understand how those work they way you described.

>There was a silly comic on that subject I could dig up
If be okay with looking at a silly comic.

>>40365313
>Relatable. There is a time and a place for these things and sometimes we gotta grit and bear
Yeah, it don't really aim for much closure or new experiences anymore.
Just an end to the troubles.

>Hope to see you on this side of the fence sooner than you imagine
I hope so as well, tap dancing around the minefield of my family's financial and interpersonal issues is not a fulfilling experience.

>It is definitely something that informed my "people need people" world view
It's pretty reasonable.
Nothing major gets done on an individual level, unless you're insanely capable.

>>40363778
And thank you for your patience!
>>40362660
>I appreciate that means alot to me, I'll try to do my best to make y'all proud.
And I appreciate that in turn! As for the spiraling.. the best coping mechanism I know is to surround yourself with people and try forge new friendships on top of your existing ones, or deepen others. Jealousy and related feelings tend to suffocate when you feel understood and cared for, and getting close to new people opens the door to perhaps finding something other than friendship.
>>40364448
It is difficult, especially the drugs thing. Usually I see people pulled into it as a coping mechanism in a shitty environment. And the only way out is putting them in a better one. At least, it is the only one I found.
>>40365515
And thank you for indulging my verbose ways! I am very happy to make a difference maintaining this general.
>>40365575
Sounds like a very productive couple days, Panty! I look forward to the pics. Also, oh damn! PSG2 is out? Thanks for letting me know, I'll check it out later..

>>40365733
Awesome, Anon! If I am not confusing you with someone else you've been at it for a good while by now.
>>40368689
>>40370085
>>40367701
By the way, thank you all (and of course everyone else) for keeping sig alive when I don't have the energy. It is what grants me to keep going without losing sleep over a thread keeling over.
>>40370094
As always happy to see you. Sounds like you've been having a lovely time! And that a friend clocked you for potential OCD *is* a potential breakthrough on top, goodness! I hope the tricks she had on offer are gonna make your life easier either way <3
>but this year I was just happy to be there with my husband.
I'm happy for you. It is.. an interesting process to experience. Moving on from loss. In my heart of hearts I know I will get there too but hearing your story made me feel it again. Thank you.

Time for a break.

I have never enjoyed living in the world.

>>40373928
>So essentially you are missing a back bone in your schedule that "forces" you to get up in the morning and start your day in a well structured manner
Yeah, pretty much.

>Something to build the rest of the day around. The reason I think this might work is because it allows you to "make excuses" healthily. "Oh while I am already up I might as well.."
Yeah, that's exactly what I need.
Something to give me more direction.

>No need to be sorry for that at all Anon. If everything was alright you wouldn't look for help! I'm glad you speak up
Thank you for indulging my ramblings, sorry if it's hard for me to make much sense most of the time.

Will be heading to sleep soon, will reply again as soon as possible.

Dumb pathetic mentally ill tranny vent post
>wake up
>Parents came into my room while i was asleep and took my chair
>Clothes dumped on floor
>Go downstairs
>Immediately told my moms upset that I havent asked how her foot was (she had surgery like 4 days ago)
>Go to check on her
>Get basically given shit for not checking sooner
>Get shit for not collecting birthday stuff (which was a day ago but I've been on 12 hour night shifts for the last 4 days)

I feel like I'm overreacting but they've not even paid enough attention to notice I've been on HRT for 3.5 months, they haven't checked in once when I've clearly been in a depressive episode (hell the one time I mentioned feeling bad they told me I was exaggerating), they didnt even notice the mark on my head from where i bashed it into a wall.
I'm so close to just having a chaser off Grindr or something beat the shit out of me. I can't force myself to do it but i need to be in pain that isnt just mental anguish, I don't care what I have to do to get that pain, i just wish my body wasn't so disgusting so it would be easier.
I'm not improving, I'm backsliding constantly and I can't escape

>>40365186
>Is there an obvious lgbt meetup
maybe? not that I know of but there's probably stuff like that. I don't know how to find stuff like that...

>you kinda plan to see a therapist anyway right?
I'm not sure. I know I should, but I don't know if I will.

>The only way to know is to try
yeah, but trying is so hard, and i'm so afraid of a lot of stuff.

>Does the college have any lgbt related events, perhaps?
probably. I haven't really looked.

>What is the main thing that makes it hard to reach out? Is the relative difficult?
my aunt is the person I'd need to contact about it and I skipped the last few holidays with that part of the family because her husband is a shitty outspoken racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/etc conservative and the rest of that part of the family quietly agree or are afraid of causing drama by pushing back. So I'm hesitant to contact her because that would likely lead to her asking about why I haven't come to holiday stuff and asking me to come in the future and I don't want to deal with all that.

I'm having a really rough time right now. a couple posts ago I said I felt like I should stop trying, but I don't think that was entirely accurate. I just don't want to have to keep trying alone. I just want someone to take care of me and tell me what I need to do and where I need to go. I don't want to have to be so sad and lonely. I don't know how to meet people. I just want to be loved and wanted.

>>40374282
Thank god my knee pain is flaring up.
I'll probably waste my day but at least my body gave me something.
I should have kept repping, at least then I could help others

I need to exercise
I’ll do as many exercises tmr morn as I can eve if it’s just one
An avalanche is built by the smallest of pebbles!

>>40374282
Jesus christ reading this was like looking into a mirror, mark on my head from bashing it and all

Ride out the storm. Harness everything the world throws at you into spite & use it to continue despite everything

You'll need to find an outlet for physical pain too, whether it be masochism or something else, just don't do anything stupid

>>40365477
>How is your friend circle
I have some online friends, whom I am meeting this summer after years; I have a good friend, whom I met in middle school that moved across the country; I have some friends whom I met from the chans I only occasionally see because they're a few cities away; and I have four minor acquaintances I made in classes from working on projects, maybe two of whom I have contact information for but feel weird even reaching out. Post grad I'd like to have friends to network with, but most people here have their groups and are not friendly. It's a major-specific quirk, and possibly related to the types my school attracts as well. I have gone to some clubs and did not find myself bonding over shared interests or making acquaintances.

I'd like to give it a try again though. I have a capstone project I have to complete for my degree, so maybe I will see some familiar faces and acquaint myself with new ones. I do feel like I come off unintentionally pretentious at times. Or so I have been told so by a person I trust. He says sometimes my manner of speech and the words I use could intimidate people. I just don't like being patronizing, I guess.

>Pretty, cool, stylish.. and genuinely reflect upon when the last time was you decided against being someone's friend because they were lacking in any such regard.
Good point. I mean maybe there have been the initial callous, split-second judgements and assumptions upon first meeting a person, but those factors never seriously enter my mind unless I genuinely find that person to be malicious or terribly annoying. Even then, opinions can change.

>People need to be needed
Never really considered this.

>Do you relate to his struggles maybe?
A little. I have been struggling with depression for years, though I have never been suicidal like him. He's a good guy, he doesn't deserve to think so low of himself.

>Liebig's law of the minimum
An apt analogy.

>>40375587
>online friends
>I have some friends whom I met from the chans
Anon, tell me how to achieve this? I may be retarded

>>40375652
>Anon, tell me how to achieve this
Same poster, here. I'm not sure if it's the best idea to ask someone who struggles to make friends and is very anxious, but I'll see if I can think of anything, but most of this will apply to real life too.

Like making friends in general, online and offline, it was a crapshoot. My group of online friends are people I have known since I was young and wasted too much time playing video games with. Not sure if I've just grown up or just don't have the patience anymore, but I feel like the nature of most video games and communities now don't really lend themselves toward long-term communal interactions. The imageboard people that I have liked are few and far between, frankly. The ones I am acquainted with now are local to the area, so it was easy early on to organize a meetup in a public place and decide if they were cool or not. It's way easier to talk and get to know someone irl, imo.

Now for general tips, you've probably heard most of this before, so hopefully I don't disappoint. Listen to others: people are very interesting, be curious and ask them questions. Don't be afraid to reach out: the worst thing that can happen is someone says they don't want to hang out with you. Try to have unplanned interactions with the other person: ask them if they want to watch a movie or do some sort of activity together that you both enjoy (This part is key!). Video games can be great because they can foster a sense of comradery over a shared challenge. Don't be afraid to give people space either. We all need time to recharge.

>I may be retarded
Don't say that about yourself! You might need some practice, or just haven't found the right people.

>>40376071
Hmm, okay I see. Thank you, anon.

Its funny
I think I feel feelings but yet im not real again
is this depronalization?
Does it hav to do with reverse dysphoria? anyone can confirm
I really dont mind or eve like hrt effects, but if its causing me mental helath issues akin to revere gd then whats the point? Might as well stop
Tangent aside, why am I so empty? I feel emotionless. Pretending to have anything
And smile the fakeness away.
im empty
I lose and gain eberything and yet I still feel nothing at all
What a strange human

>>40373515
>If you have people that got your back,
That's the neat part, I don't! It's somewhere I'm tolerated, but that's about all. Something about me is just extremely easy to hate I guess, and I've never been able to figure out what.
>is there any way to avoid one another?
Realistically, no. So long as we're both there, I'll continue to suffer.
>What is your current situation like,
I'm a medical neet living with my parents. My parents also actively dislike me and resent that I'm not able to fend for myself. There's next to nothing around me so I'm confined to a small number of places with people who do interesting things. I have a therapist, but that's nothing close to a friend.
>I am very, very proud of you for speaking up, Anon.
And yet nothing changes. Obviously I can't expect you or anyone here to change someone you've never met. It feels as if every human interaction I have proves all the worst things anyone has ever said.

Whoever invented leg day should die

>>40370634
I'm glad for you to have gotten to make a nice experience like that, even if it led to some heartaches. Don't be too harsh on yourself, I think it's normal to feel the way you do at any age, and I think it is a good, healthy approach to try and incorporate things you find so attractive about him into yourself. You basically addressed the current GotT!
>>40372714
We do, if you check the Resources file linked in the OP you will find there are several resource links on ED in general, including bulimia, to get you started. We can also help you with weight loss and can make sure that the issue really is your weight and not your self perception, which very often is the case for people suffering ED. Does that sound like a good start? Do you have a particular target BMI, and would you be okay with sharing your current BMI? We also have links to compute it in the same paste.
>>40373756
>No rush, I follow up here as often as I can.
Alrighty! And.. I do wanna let you know that you let me feel your appreciation for my efforts. I hope you know I consider it all worth it!
>>40374064
Are there individual things you enjoyed? How have you been treated by others? Are there things you found stimulating or pleasant to engage with?

Urgh.. summer.
>>40373863
>>40373955
>>40373993
>Pretending I am a worthwhile person does occasionally help me out
In the long run you will eventually get to learn to believe it, but I get what you are saying.
>I have a hard time fully explaining myself or my circumstances well.
That is normal, don't you worry!
>Failure feels like me stabbed to me.
We as people often conflating failing we being a failure, I find. It.. gets easier the more failures we experience at least, as long as we have a "safe landing" experiencing them.
>I get overloaded by things far too easily.
Which ties partially into the grounding thing I think we discussed before.
>If be okay with looking at a silly comic.
I found the fucker and included a small addendum that was made to it.
>Nothing major gets done on an individual level, unless you're insanely capable.
And even then it can quite quickly feel like it is all for naught all on one's own, yeah.
>>40374083
>Yeah, that's exactly what I need.
>Something to give me more direction.
Alright then I suppose what you need is something to latch onto. Some people like to cook, others like to exercise, others again like to garden. Whatever it is, it needs to be something you can ideally do every day, something that is in your power. It does not have to be the same thing every day but it must be something every day. Saturdays, my thing is going out for a coffee. It as been for almost 20 years now, originally going window shopping but the principle stands. It can be anything from meal prep to stretches to something as simple as a small ritual of personal significance. Dwell on it a bit and tell me if you can dream up something of that sort.
>Thank you for indulging my ramblings
And thank you for indulging mine!

>>40374345
>maybe? not that I know of but there's probably stuff like that.
Let's start simple: try looking at your city on an online map of your choosing and search for cafes, bars and the like. Sites like tripadvisor might have pics of them, so there is a reasonable chance to quickly scan them in terms of whether they are explicitly lgbt centric.
>I'm not sure. I know I should, but I don't know if I will.
If you can afford to, I would gently push you toward it right now.
>yeah, but trying is so hard, and i'm so afraid of a lot of stuff.
try concreting your fears so we can pick them apart. Yes it is scary. Sometimes walking toward the scary thing, as hard as it is, is necessary. We're here to support you and try make it easier!
>probably. I haven't really looked.
Go check as soon as you can, ok?
>her husband is a shitty outspoken racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/etc conservative
ew, sorry to hear. As for how to deal with it: If you are 23+ you are slowly coming to an age where, at least in my neck of the woods, it is not always uncommon for people to have other commitments. You can claim there have been collisions and evade your way out of the conversation for now, for example. No guarantee if it will work but ultimately I would hope she understands the fund is kind of an urgent matter and that you can discuss the holiday stuff (which ofc, you won't).
>I just don't want to have to keep trying alone.
>I just want someone to take care of me and tell me what I need to do and where I need to go. I don't want to have to be so sad and lonely.
>I don't know how to meet people. I just want to be loved and wanted.
I fully understand that, and want to encourage you on those fronts. I hope you can tell from skimming these threads you are not alone. And presently, we are trying to make you even less so.

>>40374461
Hey Navy, happy to see you <3
>>40374282
Ah, family drama on top of a lot of work stress. Not a great combo. It seems like your family is not very ... interested in engaging with you in a way that is particularly deep.
>I'm not improving, I'm backsliding constantly and I can't escape
I have an important question: do you think there is a good chance for you to get your own place, soon? Have you talked with your lgbt friends about your feelings recently? Iirc you have some online. Also.. capsaicin, the heat of chili peppers. It is available in pharmacies afaik and can get your oral pain receptors flared up. It is a form of relief that won't leave marks.
>>40375525
Exactly! I am very proud of you, Anon. This stuff is hard, especially at the beginning. It will get easier as habits form.
>>40376830
Make sure to rest up plenty. I think the worst kinda muscle ache for legs is the type you still feel while sitting or lying down, you know the one?

>>40375587
Okay so you already have a pool of people to choose from so to say! And it sucks to hear that the people in your field, at least where you study, are not the most agreeable sort. But you're admirably keeping at it it seems! I find that very admirable, Anon. And I hope it will be fruitful to boot.
>He says sometimes my manner of speech and the words I use could intimidate people. I just don't like being patronizing, I guess.
Mh, I am a wordy fucker myself and my vernacular tends to be needlessly elaborate. One thing that draws people toward me in spite of it is me very openly expressing enjoyment and appreciation. People like to hear "Thank you for talking to me about this, I really enjoyed [particular aspect of the conversation]. Let's do this again soon!"
>Never really considered this.
How do you feel about the points I raised? Take your time to ponder them a little. I hope you will find value in them!
>He's a good guy, he doesn't deserve to think so low of himself.
How does it feel others would likely think the same about you?
>>40376605
Hm. Angel, that you?
>Tangent aside, why am I so empty? I feel emotionless. Pretending to have anything
>I lose and gain eberything and yet I still feel nothing at all
If you are who I think you are I have a rough idea why you feel this way.

Enough for tonight.
>>40375652
What are your interests? Are there perhaps places in your area where people with them hang out?

>>40376731
>Something about me is just extremely easy to hate I guess
I think in the case of your parents it simply is on them. For now, I would assume it is your environment that is wrong, not you.
>So long as we're both there, I'll continue to suffer.
God dammit. Can you meet and engage with other people in that space though? What is it? A library, a store, a gym?
>I'm a medical neet living with my parents.
Oh, as in your medical condition bars you from work? Are there any benefits you get at least? Or does that require an additional process? I ask cause I try to envision what it would take for you to get away.
>There's next to nothing around me so I'm confined to a small number of places with people who do interesting things.
Ah so you live in a small town or something along those lines.

>It feels as if every human interaction I have proves all the worst things anyone has ever said.
Hm, what specifically do you feel proven?

>>40377378
>Make sure to rest up plenty. I think the worst kinda muscle ache for legs is the type you still feel while sitting or lying down, you know the one?
I think those are the abductors when you sit down (doesn't help I'm hitting them hard to fill out thighs), ty anon it's recovery time

Been using a cute lil mood tracker and guess it highlighted what I knew already that I feel bad as the day goes on and at night I always feel the worst and feel like I want to die and I will never be happy

>>40377043
>In the long run you will eventually get to learn to believe it, but I get what you are saying
I'll take your word for it.

>That is normal, don't you worry!
That's a little bit of a relief.

>We as people often conflating failing we being a failure, I find. It.. gets easier the more failures we experience at least, as long as we have a "safe landing" experiencing them
I've never been able to be comfortable with failure.
There's always too much riding on my succeeding in tasks, even benign tasks have a ton of weight due to how my life works.

>Which ties partially into the grounding thing I think we discussed before
Definitely, In get trapped in my own head a lot when I have too much going on.

I'm sick! Had the runs for five days now. Seeing my doc tomorrow, pray for me anons.
>>40313413
I'm proud of you, OP!
>>40323735
Similar boat here. Recently got my certificate for completing 160 hours of cooking class. Still feel like I don't know a thing. Been reading up on general nutrition and dermatology too, I've always had dry skin and was recently diagnosed with dermographia and I've been in a very serious "I need to figure this shit" mindset. May have ADHD too, I'm starting to feel pretty fucked since I have another chronic illness as well. I console myself with the thought that I at least have a clear picture of what ails me for the first time in years. Now I just need better solutions.
>>40319217
Yahoo!

>>40377028
thanks anon. I'm glad it happened too, it just feels like the wind got knocked out of me realizing how head over heels for them I still am after all this time

I like myself well enough as I am, but I'm starting to feel like I have a problem now that I've found myself immediately catching feelings for the last 3 people I hooked up right afterwards. the intimacy is what really gets me, maybe it's because I've been so starved of this for so long but idk how you can cuddle with someone all night and talk about intimate things not feel any type of way about them after

another thing I'm gonna try to steal from this last person is how much they yapped during sex. a big part of it was already knowing them for so long and feeling safe with them because of that, but I'd still normally be really nervous and they made me feel *so* safe and comfortable, it was amazing. I'm not as natural of a talker but I'm definitely going to try to emulate the way they did that in future hookups